A smallish victory

I went away this weekend without a single anxiety attack - I ate meals, slept through the night, and had a good time.

I'm guessing there aren't many people who can fully appreciate the weight of that statement. Unless you or a loved one suffer the kind of anxiety I do, going away overnight hardly seems like a victory. But for me, it was a major accomplishment.

Joe loves to travel. Every time he has a free day, he wants to be on the road exploring and experiencing something new. One of the things that initially brought us together was that we were both from a sheltered hick town and wanted to explore the world. He had the courage I lacked to venture out and took great joy at showing me new things.

All my life I've had great anxiety when a trip was pending. Countless times I had to cancel last minute. As far back as kindergarten I can remember being sick on field trips and I went nowhere without a barf bag. It continued through high school but by the time I reached college (and met Joe), it seemed I had grown out of these attacks.

We traveled a lot. By car, by plane, even by boat. We drove two hours for pizza and flew eight hours to Paris. We saw London Bridge and Santana and skied and played putt-putt.

But then something changed. Over the past few years, I began to re-experience horrible anxiety whenever we traveled. Sometimes it started before we left, other times I was fine until we were on the way. Recently, it had become crippling. I couldn't even leave the house for a casual meal without becoming horribly sick. Anything outside of my routine threw me into a tailspin.

So finally we're back to my original point. I sought help from a couple of sources. Day-to-day seemed to be improving. We went out for a few meals and I managed to work my way through those. And this weekend, I went away on a lovely overnight trip with my husband and had a great time. It gives me hope that better days are ahead.