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Tuesday, December 16, 2008

So many kids and none of them mine (yay!)

As part of my grand scheme to rule the universe achieve world peace get over my anxiety enough to go out sometimes like a big girl, Joe and I went out to a movie and dinner over the weekend. It was another success to add to my list and I'm feeling quite proud. Today, dinner 15 minutes from home, tomorrow, I stage a hostile takeover of Sweden.

Anyways, it seemed that our carefully chosen semi-adult evening was still somehow kids night. Which is ok, I don't hate kids by any means. Some are even cute (SisterFriend's little Z is so adorable I just want to smoosh his face!). Especially when I've had my daily happy pill. We were mainly trying to dodge crowds and chaos to keep me sane. And kids are a complicated issue for me.

At the movie (Bond, James Bond), there was an adorable little boy seated behind me with his folks. He adorably kicked the back of my seat throughout the movie and yet that wasn't the annoying part. The annoying part was that the child did not speak English, which resulted in someone constantly explaining to him in Spanish what was going on and being said on screen. It was like watching the entire movie with a translator in my ear.

Still, I was cool. Chill. Off to dinner at a Mexican restaurant. I'm not sure how to describe it exactly. It's not quite upscale but it's nicer than On The Border. I'd say it's more sophisticated Mexican and not typically a place you'd expect a lot of children. We were seated in a cool booth near the bar. In the booth behind me was the sweetest little guy. Sometimes, I thought he was going to crawl over the seat and join us for dinner. Other times, it sounded like he was gearing up to eat my face. ROAR!!!

But the best moment came when dinner was done and we were waiting for the check. We decided to make a couple of stops on the way home so I figured it was a good idea to use the restroom before we left. I made my way very carefully down the hall (because I had some wine and didn't want to fall on my face) and found a young girl in there, probably between the age of 5 and 20 (I'm not good at judging ages). Actually, maybe about 9? She was washing her hands and singing "Winter Wonderland" when I entered. Very charming. When I came out of the stall, she was still there, singing, now cleaning the counter. This is when she chose to engage me in conversation.

Girl: Hi.
me: Hi.
Girl: Don't mind me, I'm just cleaning.
me: Is the restaurant making you work for your dinner?
Girl: No, I just don't want to go back to my table.
me: Oh? Why not?
Girl: My stepdad's out there. And he's an a$$hole.
me: I'm very sorry to hear that. Don't you think you'll be missed if you stay in here too long?
Girl: Mom's too busy with the a$$hole to notice.

I wasn't quite sure what to say to that. I considered tackling her and washing her mouth out with soap due to her language. But I figure if she's old enough to deal with an a$$hole stepdad, she's old enough to label it as she sees fit. Plus, I was fighting a considerable case of the giggles.


A. said...

GASP! I'm from Sweden! :)

I am glad that you're doing so well on your outings, you should be proud! Besides the translator, did you like the movie?

Kids always call it like it is, which is a huge part of their awesomeness! That is so funny!

Call Me Cate said...

Maybe that's why when I was looking for a random country to conquer, Sweden came to mind - you had just mentioned it. I could always take out Switzerland or France instead. I'm not picky.

The movie was ok. Not as good as past Bond films but not bad. Joe enjoyed it and the day was more about him anyways.

A. said...

Ha ha... I thought it was hilarious! I would recommend starting your takeover in the summer, it is the best time of year over there!

I though the movie was ok; obviously tons of well executed action, but a bit lacking on the story-line side.

The Tildy Spot said...

Glad you had a good night out. Kids are a trip! The small child in the Bond movie would've driven me crazy!!!!!!

Call Me Cate said...

Yes, big on action, short on storyline. Which is why Joe thought it was awesome and I thought it was just ok.

I will start making my plans for summer, thanks for the tip!

Call Me Cate said...

Tildy, you snuck in while I was responding to A. The kid at the movie was trying my patience by the end but since it was such a loud movie anyways, I pretended it was like one of those shock-experience chairs like at Disney.

andrea said...

Personally I would take over a smaller country. With mild temperatures. Not too hot, not too cold...just right. I am trying to think of where that could be. And I'd need to kick all the citizens to the next country over so that I could have some "alone" time...hmmm.

Lyndsay said...

Oh my gosh, LOVING IT! Okay, I LOVE my kid, but (shouldn't really admit this), but most other kids drive me crazy ... so this night is totally one that would happen to me.

And the girl in the bathroom? Totally would have given her a high-five!

Call Me Cate said...

Andrea - the more I think about this, I should really take baby steps. Maybe a nice island would be a good start. I can boot all the inhabitants except Pablo, the hot pool boy who will bring me drinks.

Lyndsay - it's good to see someone admit that the whole "once you have a kid you'll love them all" thing is a bunch of hooey. I sorta wanted to give the girl in the bathroom a hug. Or a dollar for handing me a towel.

Mim said...

Winter Wonderland and an A..hole step dad. What a mix!

Call Me Cate said...

Mim - that is quite the combo, huh? Maybe I should've suggested the Grinch song instead.