This all started the weekend he moved in when even though we were in extreme drought conditions and our homes are only 2 inches away from each other, he decided to have a huge bonfire in his backyard. When I say "huge", I mean "flames shooting up at least twenty feet". So I did what any good neighbor would do - I welcomed him to the neighborhood by calling the fire department, who said they had already received 3 other calls and were on the way.
The next day, I came home from shopping to find a letter taped to my mailbox. I could see similar letters flapping in the wind on all of the neighbors' mailboxes. I wish I had kept it but it basically said "Your a spinless bastard for calling the cops instead of coming to see me. If you have children or a wife, you should apologize for not being a man, you spinless prick."
Yeah, nice. Angry AND illiterate. Go ahead and call me a "spinless prick" but don't use the wrong form of "your" because now I must hate you forever!
Anyways, a few months later, I came home from work with a miserable migraine. I'm not even sure how I made the drive. But as I pulled into the garage, I noticed our pear tree had limbs sitting under it. Now, I realize the limbs had been hanging over the sidewalk. To be honest, I hate that tree and really wish it would just die. No such luck. Still, it's OUR tree. And apparently someone had taken it upon themselves to trim it.
It was then that I spotted Angry Neighbor, two houses down, wielding trimmers on his own tree. It was all I could do to not storm down there and eat his face. Instead, knowing I was not in good mental condition, I went inside and called Joe.
me: You have to come home right now, the neighbor broke our pear tree!
me: Angry Neighbor attacked our pear tree and chewed off the branches! And then he LEFT them, in our yard!
Joe: Wait, hold up.
me: I almost went down there and punched him in the face but I thought I'd let you do it. But if you want me to, I have a migraine and I'm totally up for punching him in the face.
Joe: He didn't do it. I trimmed the branches before I went to work this morning.
I guess it was good I didn't wander down there on my own and start something. But he certainly looked guilty, standing out there with a garden weapon.
Most recently, Joe was out retrieving our newspaper when he comes running back to the house, yelling for me to open the door. He comes in and slams it shut behind him, telling me he had been attacked by a dog. Sure enough, his arm was dripping blood. We peeked back outside and the dog was running around inside our garage. While cleaning up the carnage, we debated what to do. The dog didn't have a collar and while I was mad it had jumped all over my husband, Joe didn't feel the dog was being mean on purpose. We were also concerned about the dog being hit by a car so we decided to lure it into the backyard (which is fenced) until we could track down the owner.
Don't you know that just as we were heading back outside, we hear someone calling for the dog. You guessed it - attack puppy belongs to Angry Neighbor. I wanted Joe to go show him his arm but at that point, Joe said to just let it go unless it happened again. "If I had to live with that guy, I'd run away looking for a friendly face too!"
P.S. The cake was delicious
P.P.S. I'm home sick. Which is totally different from homesick. I hate "sick" that doesn't come with easy remedies!