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Friday, January 30, 2009

Angry Neighbor

In addition to our Apparently Hot Neighbor, we also have one we refer to as Angry Neighbor.

This all started the weekend he moved in when even though we were in extreme drought conditions and our homes are only 2 inches away from each other, he decided to have a huge bonfire in his backyard. When I say "huge", I mean "flames shooting up at least twenty feet". So I did what any good neighbor would do - I welcomed him to the neighborhood by calling the fire department, who said they had already received 3 other calls and were on the way.

The next day, I came home from shopping to find a letter taped to my mailbox. I could see similar letters flapping in the wind on all of the neighbors' mailboxes. I wish I had kept it but it basically said "Your a spinless bastard for calling the cops instead of coming to see me. If you have children or a wife, you should apologize for not being a man, you spinless prick."

Yeah, nice. Angry AND illiterate. Go ahead and call me a "spinless prick" but don't use the wrong form of "your" because now I must hate you forever!

Anyways, a few months later, I came home from work with a miserable migraine. I'm not even sure how I made the drive. But as I pulled into the garage, I noticed our pear tree had limbs sitting under it. Now, I realize the limbs had been hanging over the sidewalk. To be honest, I hate that tree and really wish it would just die. No such luck. Still, it's OUR tree. And apparently someone had taken it upon themselves to trim it.

It was then that I spotted Angry Neighbor, two houses down, wielding trimmers on his own tree. It was all I could do to not storm down there and eat his face. Instead, knowing I was not in good mental condition, I went inside and called Joe.

me: You have to come home right now, the neighbor broke our pear tree!
Joe: What?
me: Angry Neighbor attacked our pear tree and chewed off the branches! And then he LEFT them, in our yard!
Joe: Wait, hold up.
me: I almost went down there and punched him in the face but I thought I'd let you do it. But if you want me to, I have a migraine and I'm totally up for punching him in the face.
Joe: He didn't do it. I trimmed the branches before I went to work this morning.
me: Oh.

I guess it was good I didn't wander down there on my own and start something. But he certainly looked guilty, standing out there with a garden weapon.

Most recently, Joe was out retrieving our newspaper when he comes running back to the house, yelling for me to open the door. He comes in and slams it shut behind him, telling me he had been attacked by a dog. Sure enough, his arm was dripping blood. We peeked back outside and the dog was running around inside our garage. While cleaning up the carnage, we debated what to do. The dog didn't have a collar and while I was mad it had jumped all over my husband, Joe didn't feel the dog was being mean on purpose. We were also concerned about the dog being hit by a car so we decided to lure it into the backyard (which is fenced) until we could track down the owner.

Don't you know that just as we were heading back outside, we hear someone calling for the dog. You guessed it - attack puppy belongs to Angry Neighbor. I wanted Joe to go show him his arm but at that point, Joe said to just let it go unless it happened again. "If I had to live with that guy, I'd run away looking for a friendly face too!"

P.S. The cake was delicious
P.P.S. I'm home sick. Which is totally different from homesick. I hate "sick" that doesn't come with easy remedies!


kimber p said...

your angry neighbor reminds me of the family we had living next door to us. They were 2 sisters and one of them had a son who was 21 but he had the mental capacity of a 12 year old. (skateboarding accident) and he used to set fires in their yard and we live inside the city limits. Then one day I was out in my driveway and noticed that there were hack marks in our sugar maple tree and branches chopped off and pulled off and after some detective work, we found a fort built out of our tree limbs, and pine tree limbs that this dude had constructed under a pine tree in his front yard. I posted a huge sign on our tree screeching about vandalism, police, prosecution, stupidity..etc. We were livid. All we got was a weak apology and he offered to weed eat the bank in our front yard as restitution...ack.

Debbi said...

wow. I hate bad neighbours. I would have talked to the Angry dude about his arm, though!! WAY not cool. I have kids around my house and if ANYONE left their dog running free who would bite, I'd shoot the damn thing myself!

angi_b72 said... block parties there huh?
I can't believe you are still home sick!! I hope you are feeling better sooN!!

Bridget Marie said...

The phone conversation made me laugh out loud! ; - P LOL!

MuseSwings said...

Angry neoghbors make me angry - I would have reported the dog for sure - he may be a serial biter. Your neighbor would probably write cereal biter.

A. said...

wow... I hate bad, angry neighbors! Unfortunately, there seems to be at least one on every street.
My angry neighbors dog attacked Moo a while back, and almost killed him. As it turns out, my 10 lbs little sweetheart was no match for their 95 lbs angry wolverine-looking thing...

I hope you feel better soon!

SisterFriend said...

Your neighbor is a dick. Not fun to live next to, sorry.

Glad the cake was good.

Verification word: Kasen. One letter off from my dead mother-in-law's maiden name.

Tabitha Blue said...

Omg!!!! He sounds crazy.

Hope you feel better soon and hope your husband feels better.

I would've called about the dog though...

Deb said...

oh too funny. i have almost gotten into some erroneous showdowns myself. GOOD thing you called joe.

feel better!

PetalsYoga said...

Wow... your life certainly isn't boring!

Thanks for sharing and I hope you feel better soon.

andy said...

Oh. my. gosh...we were seriously separated @ birth. I HATE it when people use the wrong form of words. The one that really gets me is they're, their, and there...aaaggghhh I mean shit!, how hard is it? Pretty sure that's elementary school english. And I totally overreact also...and usually end up feeling foolish when I realize I stuck my foot right in it.
P.S. I just had to google overreact to make sure I was spelling it right.
P.P.S. Sorry YOU'RE sick dude.

Linda said...

AH...We must have similar neighbors then ☺. you know you can get him for mail fraud if you really wanted to be mean. Yep. Blessings

Grand Pooba said...

I can't believe that note!! I hate angry neighbor! Especially when he can't even spell correctly! Seriously if my husband got a note like that on our mailbox, angry neighbor would be very-broken-in-a-wheelchair neighbor.

I laughed about you about going to give him a piece of your mind about the pear tree! HA! I love stupid neighbot stories!

Ryan Ashley Scott@Optimistic Cynicism said...

Neighbors... they make for such fun stories, huh? At least there is only ONE angry guy. And one hot guy.....? I haven't been to that one yet.

Michelle said...

Oh I love fun neighbors like that. I'm glad (from what it sounds) that the bite didn't get infected -- and that the dog was up on its rabies shots!

Yay to you for knowing the difference between your and you're (how about their, there and they're?). It's one of my huge pet peeves, as well.

And thank you so much for visiting my blog yesterday during my SITS day. It was so much fun to see all the comments, and so many had such nice things to say. I hope you enjoyed yourself and come back to visit again soon!

blognut said...

Bad neighbors suck.

WillowLakeScents said...

Stopping in from SITS to say hello ! Hope you feel better soon !

Call Me Cate said...

So many angry neighbors out there! I'm sorry we all have to deal with them.

Also, I made it very clear to Joe that if crazy puppy had hopped up on ME, no way I wouldn't be in the guy's face throwing a hissy fit. Or if we had kids? I did mention it to the neighbor across the street though because I often see her young daughters out walking their little dog.

melanie @ don't expect much said...

Are you sure your angry neighbor isn't my ex? The spelling and grammatical errors are a dead giveaway... sorry your neighbor is such a "spinless dyke"

oops... did I spell that right?

ella said...

drama with a neighbor is the worst! It's just so in your face 24/7. urf!
Good luck in the future with this dude..

RandomWonders said...

Great post! I just laughed SO hard!! Thank you for sharing!!

Gail said...

Tonight the angry neighbour threatened to throw a brick at a fellow we hired to do yard work because he thought this fellow might touch his fence. My kid's once saw him smear dog feces all over another neighbour's front door. Luckily our front door faces away from his house so we don't have to see him much.