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Sunday, January 04, 2009

Confession: I have no team spirit

I have a confession to make... I'm terrified of car flags.

You know, those flags that people insert over their windows to support their favorite sports team? They may think it's harmless but they never give a second thought to the fact that they could totally poke an innocent bystander's eye out. It's all in fun until someone ruptures their spleen!

I've found I can't follow a vehicle with one of those flags for more than 30 seconds before I'm judging whether I can pass them or take an alternate route to my destination. I envision the flag tearing off their car, becoming a projectile missile, piercing my windshield before poking a hole in my brain.

Yes, I do realize this is probably what some would refer to as an irrational fear. But for me, it's all too real.

Which leads me to the most horrifying local news story of 2008. Our hockey team decided it would be awesome to give away car flags this year - first to all of the season ticket holders, and then to everyone attending opening night. Total distribution was probably around 25,000 flags. This resulted in car flags everywhere locally - often multiple flags on the same car! But it gets worse. The team went with a cheap vendor and the quality of the flags was poor. Causing them to break and fly off vehicles at speeds over 40 mph. Oh, how I wish I was making this up.

My worst nightmare - flags on every car, knowing my fright was now justified. And rather than feel vindicated that I was right all along, I was too busy being terrorized to issue I told you so's. Driving around town took on the vibe of a bad video game of dodging these eye-gouging team spirit spears.

Thankfully, most of the flags didn't even make it home from opening night before they were littering the highways. By the time Monday came around, most flags were long gone or removed by the owners. But for me, that first weekend in October was a very special kind of hell - with the silver lining of knowing that my fear is not unjustified. At least I was spared losing anyone close to me due to car flag-related injury.

13 comments:

A. said...

Oh...! I thought I was the only one who frequently envisions impending disasters that wouldn't even cross other people's mind...?
I feel so much better now, thank you.
And I totally agree on the the flag projectile thing; it is freaky. I'm glad someone didn't lose an eye.

MuseSwings said...

It appears to me your fear is not irrational given what happened with the chintzy flags! I don't like to follow those huge trucks that transport automobiles. They scare me. I'm afraid all the cars will roll off on top of me.

The Tildy Spot said...

Happy New Year!

I have a similar fear. I'm scared of the trucks that carry trees to the paper/mulch factory. There's always one tree on the top in the middle that shimmy-shakes the entire time. It looks like it could come loose at any moment and come flying through my windshield. I got a speeding ticket once because I was going 75 in a 55 trying to get around the freakin' truck.

I feel your pain.

andrea said...

Cate, Cate, Cate...I envision so many things; and then you say them "out loud". You must be in cahoots with that little voice in MY head;)

Call Me Cate said...

A - I've imagined disasters in the most harmless situations. It doesn't help that I'm the world's biggest klutz - it makes me more likely to trip over a worm after a rainstorm and break my arm.

MuseSwings - I wondered if I could get free tickets for the "pain and suffering" caused by the team but Joe thought it was a bad idea. I hate transport trucks too.

Tildy!!! Welcome back!!! I hate big trucks in general but trees or construction materials are almost as bad as the car flags.

Andrea - I have no "inside voice". But I find it's better to unleash it on my blog than to coworkers or the husband.

Kristina P. said...

Thanks for visiting my blog from SITS yesterday!

This is hilarious! Who knew? I will make sure not to put a car flag on my blog.

I will return!

The Wife O Riley said...

Everytime I go through a carwash, I put the sun visor down just in case the windshield shatters. Not that it would help at all, but I feel better about it.

Call Me Cate said...

Kristina - oh amn, I can't imagine a blog with car flags. I'm already having insomnia problems - that would keep me up for a month. Thanks for the visit.

Wife of Riley - automatic car washes are such a hazard. I always think I'm being brave to volunteer to sit in the car instead of waiting inside. But every time, I get about half way through and need to talk myself through hopping out in the rinse cycle.

Yaya said...

Hahahahaha!

Sorry, I should laugh at your fear....but this too funny!!!!

Maybe there is a 'Flag Haters Anonymous' club in your area?!

No, but seriously, this is like me with people in costumes, like mascot costumes and clowns...totally freak me out! If there were a crowd of them I would probably lose my mind! (If it's not already lost already?)

blognut said...

Just stopping by from SITS - I have to say that I had never before considered the potential horror of car flags! I will have to pay more attention.

Call Me Cate said...

Yaya - I'll have to start a club, though I have a feeling I may be the only member. I'm ok with people in costumes, unless they smell bad or look at me funny. Clowns are totally a problem though.

blognut - Thanks for stopping by. Please be aware of car flags on your blogworld journeys.

E. Sloane Cannon said...

Welcome to the club of irrational fears :-) I'm a regular member.

Call Me Cate said...

Then at least I'll be in good company!