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Thursday, January 22, 2009

Conversations with my cats

Today is "National Answer Your Cat's Questions Day". Being the fair person that I am, I told Tonya and Rusty I would answer three questions each.

Tonya's Questions:

#1: Why can't I eat Dad's salad?

That is not a salad. That is Joe's bamboo plant. It is only meant to be eaten by a panda bear, which you are not. Also not a salad - grass in the backyard. I would appreciate it if you would refrain from waiting until my back is turned tending to food on the grill and then springing out the door to eat the yard.

#2: Why do you make me eat the same thing every day?

I know you must get tired of eating the same dry pebbles every meal but these are expensive gourmet pebbles specially formulated for your fat, hairy, senior self. Sally Struthers says that what we pay for just one bag of your food would feed a small nation for six months. Deal.

#3: Why do you not appreciate my songs at 7am?

Maybe American Idol would appreciate your songs. Let me know when/where they're auditioning next and I'll drop you off.

#4: Why do you let that other cat live here?

That's four questions. Why don't you ever listen? Rusty lives here because his first home abandoned him. As the daughter of a homeless, pregnant teen-kitty, I would think you would be a lot more sympathetic to the plight of a former pimp-cat making his way on the streets. He's not going anywhere so stop smacking him around. Just remember, no matter what, that we love you best.

Rusty's Questions:

#1: I lived a year on the streets. Did you really think I'd be interested in going back out to see that "snow" stuff?


Sorry about that, I guess we weren't thinking. I thought you'd be excited to chase some snowflakes but instead you growled at the snow. We will never make that mistake again. Also, if you're interested, my wounds are healing just fine.

#2: Where do you go during the day that's so important? Can't you leave your lap here at home for me?

That's actually TWO questions, cheater! It's called "work" and we go there so we can afford your food and your vet bills when you contract cat scurvy. My lap is rather attached to the rest of me so no, sorry, I can't leave it at home. However, I'll be sure to mention it as further justification for my boss to approve additional telecommuting days in my schedule.

#3: Why did you rescue me from the shelter just to make me live with that obnoxious diva-cat?

Yeah, we thought she would've gotten over it in the past 3 years. I guess she's still sorting through her issues. Just remember, no matter what, that we love you best.

Tonya spends her days sleeping upside down on the futon, sleeping under the rocking chair, and sleeping on our bed. She enjoys pumpkin, lettuce, and whipped cream and spends her weekends serenading her sleeping humans.

Rusty loves the outdoors - but only from inside. He is often found perched in the back window, giving hell to squirrels or leaves or shadows. He enjoys his bouncy mouse, chasing lasers, and napping in his igloo.

30 comments:

andy said...

Okay, that was good. If you can make me laugh out loud @ work, your job here is done!

blognut said...

Excellent. I did want to know what cats pondered, because they are clearly thinking about important things most of the time.

Bridget Marie said...

This was so freakin' cute and made me laugh.
I imagine this would be even funnier if I knew your cats personally.

They should guest-blog. ; - )

A. said...

You are freaking fabulous! And hilarious!
Thanks for the laugh! It was sorely needed. :)

Ryan Ashley Scott@Optimistic Cynicism said...

I would like to hear more of these conversations. I think they might just be a good replacement for the mumbles... and less painful for you!

My kitty (may he rest in peace) used to l.o.v.e. corn on the cob. Only on the cob, though.

kimber p said...

I think Rusty and Tonya should have their own blog..that was awesome Cate! :)

Linda said...

LOL. Ty for making me laugh and smile..cute!!!

Call Me Cate said...

Glad to bring a few laughs. :) I'm sure they'll pop up from time to time but I don't want to be the crazy cat lady. This blog was far too cat-centric when I first started it. Plus, I don't want to feed their furry egos.

in time out said...

really fun. came to you from the blog nut blog. love you both. fun reading. thanks!!!

Femin Susan said...

Hi...
Your questions and answers are really interesting...

Juliet Colors said...

Heheh... I love it! Your post has inspired me to try to interpret my own cats' attempts at communication. Sadly, my cats are not nearly as articulate as yours.

A. said...

By the way, I love the drawings of the kitties!

Lyndsay said...

If they are ever looking for their long lost step-sister, she lives in my basement. She'd love to come visit. I can't guarantee that they'd ever be the same again ...

The Wife O Riley said...

That is hysterical! Thank God my cats are monosyllabic!

Sherrlyn Borkgren said...

Funny great laugh!
I adore cats and our cat was the one who woke me up when a robber tried to break in the back door. Sapper walked on my chest, growling til I got up. Cool cat.Love your story. ha ha

Tranquility said...

Your kitties are so articulate and I can certainly understand their concerns. It's really wonderful that you took the time to sit down with them and have this discussion.interview. ;)

Ruby Isabella said...

Well done Tonya and Rusty for not being afraid of asking the hard questions.
Forget guest blogging, you cats have talent. Start your own blog..probably better if you have a blog each.

Marie Reed said...

That was hilarious! Thanks for the smiles!

Nessa said...

This a wonderful post. I really enjoyed it and am off to read more! I found you via SITS! Have a great day!

Cindy said...

visiting from SITS, just a lil' late..but congrats on being saucy!

Call Me Cate said...

Thanks for all the love to my kitties. I'll let them guest blog perhaps from time to time but they won't be starting their own blog any time soon. See, they aren't allowed to use the internet without supervision - they've both been caught looking at kitty porn - and I just don't have the time to babysit them while they try typing without opposable thumbs.

Beverly said...

cute cute!

Erika said...

this was too funny!! Thanks for the laughs!

Lora said...

this is hilarious. i always say that after i'm finished blogging about my kid (because that gets old quick) i'm going to start a kittymommyblog.

thanks for stopping over at my Urbanity blog and letting me find you over here!

Lyndsay said...

Cate - Where have you been? I've missed your witty comments? The cats didn't human-nap you, did they?

Call Me Cate said...

Lyndsay - today's (lame) post ought to explain it. I've been hiding!

Lora - thanks for stopping by. I really enjoyed your blog today!

melanie @ don't expect much said...

"Also, if you're interested, my wounds are healing just fine."

Best line ever!! Great post!

Its Me(SARA) Behind the Camera said...

:) I love this post!!!! so cute!

came over from SITS!!

Julie said...

Your cats are so inquisitive!

Cathy said...

Aren't cats the greatest? That was really funny and original.