Dearest Grocery Store Dude,
I will not be coming to pick up ingredients for my Fat Ass Soup tonight. Joe volunteered because he is awesome. You may send your thanks to him at email@example.com.
Also, I'd like to know if it is possible you and your friends in the deli department are the jerkfaces currently worshiping in my left temple. Why must your ceremony involve bongos? Played with pokey thingys?
Please cease and desist immediately. And also please turn off those bright lights when you leave.
Sincerely yours (except totally not),
P.S. Your celery wasn't nearly as good as the ones I get with my chicken wings.