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Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Super powers

I meant to post this yesterday after reading Snarky_A's Totally Awkard Tuesday entry but never got around to it. I wrote this up for a class at some point but I can't remember the context.

This particular Saturday was not a good day. I woke up earlier than I really wanted to because I had a load of errands to run. Before even leaving the house I had managed to spill coffee on my shirt, step on a cat, and rip a contact lens. Instead of heeding these warnings, I threw on a fresh shirt and took off for the mall.

A little retail therapy goes a long way in making a girl feel better and by the time I made my way back to my car, red patent leather pumps and black skirt in hand, I had mostly forgotten the earlier chaos.

That's when I saw it. A beat-up Ford something (it would have to be a Ford) with the passenger door flung wide open and obviously smashed into the driver's side door of my Honda. The perpetrator was still hanging out the door, digging through his glovebox.

My earlier aggravation returned, tenfold. I stormed up to the man. "Look what you did to my car!" I shouted.

He poked his head out the door, looked at the metal on metal, and grunted an uncommitted "sorry" while yanking his door clear of my car and revealing a horrific wound of red paint on the perfect field of silver that had been my door.

This was the point at which I lost my temper. I'm not proud at the amount of commotion and racket I heaped upon this man. I started demanding an apology and his insurance information. As soon as I mentioned insurance and damages, his face paled and eyes grew large. While hunting for my cellphone to call the cops, mall security pulled up.

Apparently, I had created a scene.

I explained to the nice rent-a-cop that this man had damaged my vehicle and didn't want me to call the police. He took one look at the door and said I should get my registration and insurance card while he called in the police to take an actual report.

As he returned to his SUV, I walked around to the passenger side of the Honda, pressing the remote to unlock the door. However, the car refused to unlock.

My first thought, which I now realize was faulty, was that the man had somehow caused so much damage to my car that the remote no longer functioned. I stood at the passenger door, pointing the remote and hitting the button harder and harder, as if it would make a difference.

That is when I looked closer at the car and noticed the baby seat in the back. Why was there a baby chair in my car when I don't have a baby?

Because it wasn't my car. I did a quick scan of the surrounding area and spotted my car, an identical silver Honda (minus the seating for small children and gaping flesh wound) parked about four cars further down the row.

If I could have a super power, it would be the ability to open a hole in the ground and disappear noiselessly into the depths beneath.

With as much dignity as I could muster, I quietly made my way over to the nice mall security man. In a low voice, I admitted the truth. "It's not my car."

He looked up, puzzled. "What was that?"

I cleared my throat and scuffed at the ground with the toe of my boot. "Not my car. My car's down there."

To his credit, he did try to keep a straight face. I'm not sure I would've been able to in his shoes. Before long, it was too much for him and he burst out laughing much the way one gasps for breath after trying to conquer the hiccups.

He said it was pointless for me to stick around any longer but thanked me for preventing a hit and run situation.

I have to believe I did a good thing. Still, I couldn't quite bring myself to apologize or even look the guy in the eye as I shuffled off towards my car.

“Please, great parking lot, part beneath me that I may save myself from this Walk of Shame.”

Super powers indeed.

33 comments:

Deb said...

i'll help you out here...

this was definitely your good deed for the day. you really did save someone else the aggravation of finding their car wrecked with the perpetrator long gone. plus, it made for a hilarious story.

Lalapoo said...

he he he lol, i can't stop laughing.. but it was surely a good deed.

Nicole O'Dell said...

LOL

Congrats on being saucy!

Lyndsay said...

Well, the GOOD NEWS it wasn't your car. The BAD NEWS it is wasn't your car ...

Lori said...

Hi. . in from SITS. . .cute background on your blog. Congrats on being Saucy!!

Lori

Ryan Ashley Scott@Opitimistic Cyicism said...

Considering all these mistaken car-dentities, maybe there should be ID tags to distinguish them... oh, wait... JK. Ahahaha. This story is too funny.

Tova Darling said...

Ahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! Oh my gosh!!! That is freaking hilarious!

Leah said...

that was hilarious.

congrats on being saucy! :)

Ryan and Katie said...

hilarious! I have often tried to get into cars that weren't mine and that was embarassing enough :)

beckiwithani said...

That is SO funny...

Karen (KayKay) said...

LOL! That sounds exactly like something I would do! How great that your embarrassment ended up being someone else's good luck. Definitely a good deed.

A. said...

This is just what I needed to wake me up with up this morning! Freaking BRILLIANT! :D

... I can't seem to stop laughing...

Debbi said...

hahahaahahaha!!!!!!!!!!

(sorry.)



*ha*
(Had to. It's really funny. Okay, now I'm REALLY sorry)

*snort*.
serious face.

Juliet Colors said...

HAHAHAHA! Great story, really. It almost (almost) makes me sorry I don't have a similar story to share in return. (Social embarrassment is one of my greatest fears, to the point that I'll sometimes avoid doing or saying anything, lest I do or say the wrong thing - not the best way to go through life.) I concur that you did a good deed there.

andrea said...

Am I the only one who is turned on by the patent pumps?

I've never had any such moments of "awkwardness"...unless you count the time that I pooped on the table a little while I was in labour and pushing. There's really nothing you can do to recover any respectability after pooping in front of a bunch of strangers...on a table.

I digress...and would still like to see that get up complete with the patent pumps.

Andrea

Bride Sophisticate said...

Oh. My gosh. Ha!

Dropping in from SITS to say hello and congrats on being saucy! And, thank you for the humor at your expense this morning. ;) That was quite a story and glad to know Im not the only one that's gone up to an identical car thinking its my own.

You saved that person's car from a hit and run, it WAS a good deed!

Cammie said...

popping over from SITS because you are saucy!!! Hello!!

Gratitude Gal said...

OH, my God! That would SO happen to me. I think I might, however, have run like the wind...

Call Me Cate said...

So glad you've all been having a good laugh at my expense this morning while I'm hard at work. No, seriously, I am. I should really snap a picture of Joe though at some point when I tell him one of these stunts I've pulled. I puzzle him...

Oh, and Andrea? The shoes are hot.

Melanie said...

Good deed, indeed! Thanks for the chuckle... ;)

ElleBee said...

Oh, bless you!

Angela said...

That is freaking hilarious! Surely you can laugh about it now! That is SO something that would happen to me!

Valerie said...

lol That was too funny. I just hopped over from SITS to give my congratulations on you being SAUCY!!! Have a great week.

Chitown Meg said...

Hahaha....that's AWESOME!

Sarah said...

Once, my husband remoted his car open, climbed in, and the key didn't work. After a moment of utter confusion, he realized that the car that had actually clicked unlocked was the one next to the one he was currently sitting in. Crap.

The Wife O Riley said...

BWAHHHAAAAHAAHAHAHA....*Gulps for air*....HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!

andrea said...

Cate, thank you for acknowledging your hot shoes.

And on a boring note, I like your new header.

Boringly yours...for now,

Andrea

Lea Ann said...

proof that i was right in insisting on TAN leather in my honda despite the fact that honda only puts GRAY leather in their cars. maybe i should invest in one of those easily identifiable calvin peeing on a ford logo stickers for my back window too.

blognut said...

I think I just wet my pants reading this. This would TOTALLY happen to me!

Amy said...

Hi- visiting from SITS. Thank you for sharing your humiliating experience. It does make for great blog fodder though! Thanks for the laugh and for your honesty! I'm not sure I could admit to that!

Call Me Cate said...

I'm happy to know I'm not the only one making mistakes like this. I swear I need a custom paint job. Maybe I'll get my smilies and it can say "Cate!!! This is your ride!!!"

Creative Mish said...

LOL! I think I've done the walk of shame a few times myself

Stacy's Random Thoughts said...

HAHAHAHA! That was too funny! You did do a good deed... ;)