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Sunday, February 08, 2009

Confession: I lie

I have a confession to make... I lie to small children. Specifically, I lie to Girl Scouts.

I also think they totally deserve it so I don't feel guilty. They're a tribe of mini manipulators, positioning themselves outside the supermarket with their scrumptious evil cookies. Last week, I saw a group that thought they were being brilliant, setting up their table between Staples and Trader Joes. Only, they set themselves up for failure because it was possible to go to the other side of the parking lot and avoid them. So what if it was raining and took me an extra 5 minutes to walk around them.

But what about those circumstances when you can't avoid them? My grocery store has two entrances - and those little devils monsters entrepreneurs divide and conquer, splitting the troop between the dual doors. Cute teensy dimpled faces, pigtails blowing in the wind, singing in unison "Would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies?"

I pause, think of the cookies, the mint ones, right there in those two single-serve sleeves just begging to be devoured my drive home.

And I do what I've learned in the past is the most acceptable solution yielding optimal results - I lie. "Sorry, I already bought a ton from my niece. Good luck!"

Maybe I'm going to hell for lying to the young'uns, but at least my diet will remain intact!

P.S.: Boy Scouts? With your unpopped popcorn? What are you thinking? No way I'm buying that, there's no "now" factor! Just proves yet again that girls are smarter than boys.

26 comments:

Bella@That damn expat said...

I have perfected the stinkeye. No child dares approach me :-P

Linda said...

LOLOL. Funny, I lie too.

angi_b72 said...

I lie too...not only to little children but the people saying, "do you wnat to donate to Children's Hospital, MS, etc" I already have i tell them...i feel like saying, so you want to donate to a single mom of two expensive dauthers? lol

blognut said...

No worries... we all lie! It's much easier than trying to explain to youngsters that you've taken a position against Thin Mints because they have a negative impact on your ass. Go with the lie.

Donnetta said...

Now, we all know there are good lies & bad lies. This is totally a good lie and may even negate some of the lying bad karma because, you really are HELPING them by allowing them to contine working on their sales skills!

Mim said...

We all lie. I sometimes tell them that I will buy from them if they deliver in person, and since they don't - I don't!

Ryan Ashley Scott@Optimistic Cynicism said...

On the popcorn: it's not even very good. If it were really really good, maybe it'd be fine for those of us looking for a low-cal snack (compared w/ cookies) but it's not, so the point is still proven. Or maybe if boys had some cute factor like pigtails instead of their usual "booger-picking daze" look... they're hopeless.

Don't tell my boy I said that! :)

Lyndsay said...

I also belong to the lying to young girl scouts club. I don't think of it as a negative, I prefer to think it provides them with real life experience ... you know, life ends up being more than Kumbaya and bonfires.

SisterFriend said...

I'm pretty sure being able to say no to the cookies makes you a communist. Or a robot.

PetalsYoga said...

Say hello to my giganormous butt because heaven help me I can't say no to a single one... I'm expecting the truck to pull up front any day now and to get my second mortgage lined up to pay for all the damn thin mints. Thanks for showing me that there is hope for the future....

Poutalicious said...

I just donate a dollar or two and send them on their merry way. I sure don't need the extra poundage on my rear end.

ElizT said...

They are called Girl Guides here, if they exist at all, and in the days when they came door to door with nice plain shortbread I would buy; only because they were the favourite treat food of our rabbit you understand.

Call Me Cate said...

Glad to know I'm not being judged too harshly for lying to our "future". Yes, giving them a dose of reality even, like I'm doing a good thing! Go me, I'm actually putting children first by turning away the cookies.

angi_b72 said...

by the way...i clicked for you today!!

DiPaola Momma said...

OH HELLS YEAH! I'm a liar too! and SOOO glad oldest daughter gave up on girlscouts after one year.. BTW to make you feel even less guilty.. most of those sweet faced cookie pushers make less than .75 per box for their efforts..

Here to Click for ya.. for CLICK FEST.. keep it going..

The Wife O Riley said...

I have such a hard time refusing those delicious cookies! Not when the co-worker puts the order form infront of me, but when I get the instant gratification and have the cookies now.

You're right about the Boy Scouts, what are they thinking?

andy said...

I never would have placed you in the category of "I lie to kids". I am totally shocked, to say the least. The ones I hate are the "lotion sellers" in our mall...they practically try to shove it up your nose; really they are asking me to tell them to f#*k off. Do you like how I edited the expletives for ya'?

Emily said...

Hahahahaha...

My aunt hides between the couch and the coffee table whenever they go to her house.

Oh, btw, hi! I'm one of the sisters from "Dancing Wildly in my Jim Jams". :] I came over from.. uuhmm.. yeah I don't remember. It was either Girly Stuff or Finding Fairy Tales. lol.

Yaya said...

Lol! One time i had this SAME scenario and I said the same line as you 'already bought some...' and the girl literally rolled her eyes at me and huffed and turned around and stomped away to tell everyone how horrible of a citizen I was.

Call Me Cate said...

I just returned home from buying groceries - no little crack-pushers! Woohoo!!!

Sarah said...

Screw 'em. Those cookies are not as good as their price deems. Pretty sure they cause cancer and garrote kittens too.

HairDizzer said...

hehehe... LOVED this post. I applaud your lying abilities!!!

C. Beth said...

I like your new masthead (you evil lying lier.)

(How do you spell lier??? That looks so wrong!)

ella said...

Um, that's not lying. That's self-preservation.
And BTW: I lie to kids ALL THE TIME. Especially my own.

kimber p said...

boy scout popcorn is the biggest scam ever. a tub of kernels for $10--and you have to do the work of popping it. If you burn it, too damn bad. If it tastes like crap, so what, they got your money. I'd rather spend $10 on 3 packs of crack cookies. If I'm gonna lie about something, it'll be about how many sleeves of those Samoas I can eat in one sitting.....

soulbrush said...

aaawwww we don't get them in london anymore...i used to be one, so i have sympathy for them...it's those jehovah's witnesses that i lie to.