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Friday, February 13, 2009

No birthday for you

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day so I thought I'd share my thoughts on people who complain about the occasion, not that anyone asked. See, I share free of charge. I'm cool like that. But then no matter what I wrote, it sounded obnoxious. So I deleted it all and started over. Several times. Instead, you get this, whatever this is.

Also, I'm just going to own up right now to the fact that my head is throbbing and I'm a little mumbly.

I neither love nor hate 2/14. I'm a believer in "you shouldn't need a special day to tell someone you care" but I'm also of the thought that "a little extra love in the world sure ain't a bad idea". We have holidays to remember all sorts of occasions, why not one to celebrate love? And have you seen Joaquin Phoenix's career my 401k the news lately? The world is not a happy place. We could use a little more warm and fuzzy!

So to those of you who hate Valentine's Day, I say we'll cancel it when you give up your birthday. I mean, why should we only treat people as special on that one day a year commemorating their birth? Why pay extra attention just once annually?

To all of those who have fought for our freedom, sorry, but no Veterans Day for you.

To those overworked admins? No Secretary's Day.

And dare I mention Mother's Day or Father's Day? What an unnecessary load of hooey!

Apparently, we should all just remember everyone for every reason everyday and not single out one day to remember these various honors. I know I'm really great at remembering things so not a problem!

Realizing how ridiculous those scenarios are, I give the same argument for Valentine's Day. We shouldn't ignore our "significant other" (which, really, how bizarre is that phrase? I totally want to be an insignificant other!) only to pay attention and treat them well on that one day. How silly!

And yet all of these situations are valid to me. We should take time out to appreciate each other on a much more regular basis. But if we need a little reminder from time to time under the guise of a Hallmark-created holiday, so be it.

Just because maybe you personally aren't so inclined to participate in this specific occasion, it doesn't mean the rest of the world should not. In a few months, I'll be sharing my thoughts on Mother's Day but the summation goes like this - I'm not close to my mother, I don't even think she WAS much of a mother, and I'm sure not up for celebrating that she's my mother. But I also appreciate that there are a lot of fabulous mothers out there so I celebrate them and would not begrudge them their day.

I guess in the end this was still sorta about the people who dislike Valentine's Day but it's a lot different approach than when I began. Yay for wandering minds. I'm just so exhausted by the hurt and pain in the world (and in my head) right now and I'd much rather have everyone feel a bit of love instead of running into so much bitterness over something like Valentine's Day.

And if you don't like it? I'm totally taking your birthday away. Deal with it. Or I'll punch you in the face.

P.S. In the interest of not getting older, I'd be willing to give my birthday away. Who's with me?


Bella@That damn expat said...

I disagree.
"I'm just so exhausted by the hurt and pain in the world (and in my head) right now and I'd much rather have everyone feel a bit of love"

That's the thing. Most people DON'T feel the love on this day, quite the opposite. They are single and no matter how much they are fine with it, they still feel society's pressure on them. They are the ones who feel this "holiday" the most. Those of us in relationships feel, or should feel, loved more than once a year.

I've never been single on VD and I still hate it.

You are right, people need to feel the love. But I bet a secretary feels better on secretary day than VD, when she is downing shots with her friends, convincing herself that she too deserves to be loved.

Noah's Mommy said... birthday is now going to be like the movie groundhogs day...I will be 29 I LOVE valentines day...I get so caught up in day to day stuff...that I like a day for especially set aside for romance and what

angi_b72 said...

Here's wishing you a wonderful D Day!!! lol Funny post Cate!!

Jade Bordeaux said...

I agree, a lil. I just hate when ANYTHING feels forced. Like the FIRST KISS, because it's forced. OR the guy who goes to prom and looks miserable in his suit,or a generic,over-done marriage proposal because you are supposed to.
Do what you want, celebrate how YOU want, don't try to be ALL romantic, just because you should,when it is not really your style.
I am in a relationship, and even when it was HAPPY,I hated the pressure of V.Day, because of it's cheesiness, and begged my boyfriend to just play it by ear. We had a blast, bt we could have any other night as well.If Everyday isnt somewhat a celebration of love,then one shouldnt be forced.

Margaret said...

I never thought of it that way, but it is true. I try to show the people in my life love all year long, but it is fun to have a special day for it. If you are single it doesn't have to be about couple love it can be about friends and family, and if you don't want to celebrate then don't. There are days for bosses, nurses, and secertaries, I am not one of those and as a stay at home mom I don't have any of those, so I just don't celebrate them.

Call Me Cate said...

Bella - All I feel on Mother's Day is disappointment and lonely and pressure. Why don't I have babies? Why am I not close to my mother? What's wrong with me? But my point is that I don't seek out to make it a big pity party or to make it about me. I'm happy for those that are in a position to celebrate and I know that my day in the sun will be another day. Same with Valentine's Day.

Noah's Mommy - thanks for stopping by. 29 forever? Sign me up!

Angie - I hope you have a fabulous day as well.

Jade - thanks for visiting! I also hate things that are forced. Those that want to acknowledge the day (or any occasion) should do it in a way that's natural to them. It means so much more.

Margaret - I probably could've worded my post better (damn headache) but you get exactly what I'm saying.

Angela said...

You know, today, my son made my day. He grabbed my hands and said, "you're my valentine". Who needs tommorrow???

Happy Valentine's Day to you and all who are reading.

R Susanna said...

I'll use any excuse to eat a whole box of chocolate and I don't care if someone else buys it for me or I buy it myself. As far as I'm concerned, Valentines Day is wonderful.

Jade Bordeaux said...

Of coarse not, it's just that some people have the "no-reply" message come up, and it took me a while to register that many of my replies didnt go through. :(

Juliet Colors said...

I'm sorry you're not feeling well. I hope that head pain goes away soon.

I'm with you on V-day. I don't feel very strongly about it either way, but I don't really understand the intense venom some people direct towards what is just another innocuous holiday among many. It's what you make of it that matters, after all.

But I am entertained by all the lively commentary your post has stirred up.

andy said...

You can have my birthday AND all the other soppy shit. I want appreciation ALL THE TIME, and not just on one day of the year.

I think instead of birthday's and appreciation for this crap or that crap...we should just replace them with "stay in bed days". That would be awesome. End of discussion.

A. said...

I'm all for the "show the love every day", and Valentines day has never been a big deal for me, but I don't mind it. Save the last 6 years with Hubby, I've always been single on VD, and I couldn't have cared less. For me, there is no amount of pressure that can be applied to make me feel bad, unless I let it. But I guess that is one of the untold perk of being a obstinate bastard.

And, I'm totally not giving up my birthday! I LOVE birthdays! :)

Grand Pooba said...

I've got two more years of birthdays and then I'll give them up!

So what's your opinion about V-day being a girls holiday? Do you think it is right for only girls to receive and not give on valentines day?

There's not many guys that appreciate flowers and cards.

CynthiaK said...

Well, I think you should be writing for Hallmark. You've definitely got a knack the world a hug. ;-)

Love your blog! Can't wait to come back and read more.

Thanks for stopping by Crumbs, SITSa!

blognut said...

I could go either way with most of these Hallmark holidays. I don't mind them, but I don't hate them either. Except for Mother's Day. Like you, we're not close. I get nice cards from my kids, so that helps. It's just difficult to offset the obligatory shuffle through the card aisle to find a card for my mom that doesn't gush with love or say that I want to punch her lights out. It depresses the hell out of me.

Lyndsay said...

Take my birthday, it isn't very friendly to me anymore.

I have the same "eh" feelings about these holidays, I'm not passionately dedicated to either side.

wv: ponsi - er, okay ...

soulbrush said...

shit yes, we have all been sucked into these bloody hallmark occassions...i would gladly give my birthday away, and xmas, and the rest to save the world. yet i too went out and bought a card!!!i hate myself when i act like a sheep!

Sassy Britches said...

Excellent wake-up call. I'm neither "for" or "against" VD, but this post makes me realize that it's just about love, not necessarily romantic love. Love from family, friends, acquaintences, whatever. And even for those who have absolutely none of the above (how horrid and I feel for them), you're right...they will have some other day that is just about them.

Colleen said...

Sorry I have not stopped by in a while, but I love this post! I disagree with Bella. I am single and really have no problem with Valentine's Day. No sarcasm there, I do not have issues with it. Even on years with a BF, I made a point to tell them to pick a different day when flowers were not ridiculously overpriced and restaurants were not overcrowded with people holding out on a break up through Christmas, New Year's, and Valentine's. It kind of makes me smile to see people actually recognize the ones they love.

My birthday on the other hand is a HUGE deal!! I get really pissed when people forget about it. And as for mother's day, my mom would totally adopt you into the family. She is a lot crazy, but will make you your favorite dinner for your next 29th birthday. :)

Call Me Cate said...

Angela - your son sounds precious. Definitely a keeper!

R Susanna - Yay for chocolate! Joe brought me home a small box and I approve!

Jade - ahh, thanks for clarifying on the reply situation. That makes complete sense now.

Juliet - I commented on your related post on your blog. I think we approach it the same way.

Andy - stay in bed days? Kindred spirits for sure!

A - congrats on being an obstinate bastard, it seems to be serving you well. ;)

Grand Pooba - I definitely don't think it's right for V-day to be only about the chicks receiving gifts and such. Love's a two-way street. I can't imagine sitting back and lapping up all the attention while doing nothing for Joe in return. He loves a card but not so much flowers. So I go with cake, gifts and other, umm, affections.

Cynthia - Hallmark wouldn't know what hit them. I could expand them into previously untapped markets for sure! Thanks so much for stopping by!

blognut - Mother's Day is probably the toughest for me. Not being a mother and not feeling great towards my own, I make a definite effort to shower love on friends that are mothers. Joe and I make an event out of buying Mother's Day cards. Once, we got kicked out of Hallmark because we were having so much "fun".

Lyndsay - I can't take your birthday. I don't even want my own, no way am I going to have two of them to deal with!

soulbrush - I also hate being a sheep but I don't mind the nudge to remind Joe how much he's appreciated.

Sassy Britches - you're absolutely right. I made my grandma's day yesterday by calling to tell her Happy V-Day. Grandpa died 13 years ago so she was happy for the call.

Colleen - hi there, stranger! I threaten to strangle Joe if he spends too much on flowers. I'm just as happy with the $3 daffodils from the grocery store. Your mom sounds like a winner, makes me a bit jealous.

Have I caught up with everyone? I'm running so behind lately...