Today, I share with you the words and wisdom of my (ex)therapist.
"Those shoes are so cute!" - We once discussed my shoes for 10 minutes.
"Do you drink? I think you should try a drink next time you fly to calm yourself down."
"This is a picture of my cat, Moonbeam, wearing a sparkly red bow for Christmas. And here she is again chasing her tail. And eating a piece of cheese." - I'm not sure what she was trying to accomplish here.
"Isn't that fountain just lovely? I got it at TJMaxx." - That fountain was the reason I had to limit water intake before our sessions. It always made me need to pee.
"I think it's possible your mother caused you a bit of stress." - No, ya think?
"It could be really good for you to have a glass of wine at night."
"Oh, your doctor put you on Lexapro? I don't know anything about it." - Yes, she's a counselor, not a doctor, but shouldn't she be somewhat familiar with these types of drugs?
"Know what book you should read? 'Engulfed in Flames' by David Sedaris. It would help you a lot." - I had no idea this was a book club.
"Have you ever tried having a drink or two when you feel anxious?" - What is the obsession with turning me into an alcoholic? Job security?
I've never felt more sane than when I broke up with my therapist. I think she probably needed help more than me.
P.S. SomeMonkey pointed out that my math was wrong when she read my post last night. And it took me until this morning to realize what she was talking about. Because she's smarter than me. So I fixed it.