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Monday, February 16, 2009

SWYMM: Therapist Edition

Say What You Mean Mondays - actual quotes from actual people. People who often have at least one foot in their mouth.

Today, I share with you the words and wisdom of my (ex)therapist.

"Those shoes are so cute!" - We once discussed my shoes for 10 minutes. $100/hr means I paid her $16.67 $100/50 minutes means I paid her $20 to discuss a pair of tattered white sandals that I bought for $7 six years ago. Somehow I don't think this is helping.

"Do you drink? I think you should try a drink next time you fly to calm yourself down."

"This is a picture of my cat, Moonbeam, wearing a sparkly red bow for Christmas. And here she is again chasing her tail. And eating a piece of cheese." - I'm not sure what she was trying to accomplish here.

"Isn't that fountain just lovely? I got it at TJMaxx." - That fountain was the reason I had to limit water intake before our sessions. It always made me need to pee.

"I think it's possible your mother caused you a bit of stress." - No, ya think?

"It could be really good for you to have a glass of wine at night."

"Oh, your doctor put you on Lexapro? I don't know anything about it." - Yes, she's a counselor, not a doctor, but shouldn't she be somewhat familiar with these types of drugs?

"Know what book you should read? 'Engulfed in Flames' by David Sedaris. It would help you a lot." - I had no idea this was a book club.

"Have you ever tried having a drink or two when you feel anxious?" - What is the obsession with turning me into an alcoholic? Job security?

I've never felt more sane than when I broke up with my therapist. I think she probably needed help more than me.

P.S. SomeMonkey pointed out that my math was wrong when she read my post last night. And it took me until this morning to realize what she was talking about. Because she's smarter than me. So I fixed it.


angi_b72 said...

lol...gotta love them high paid therapists!! Happy Monday!

Lora said...

my therapist suggests that I have a drink to relax, and I should arrange happy hours with my husband. Even if that means putting on an hour long Go Diego Go marathon on for the boy and boozing it up with the husband just within earshot of the boy.

Gotta love it.

So you work in any sort of helping/mental health/social science position? I always feel like therapists tend to let their guard down a little bit to people that are just because they feel like they can.

They can't.

But I like it.

But I don't.

I'm a mess.

R Susanna said...

I went to a therapist for a while. She suggested I read a book called "How To Handle An Abusive Relationship" or something like that. I read a few pages and decided to get a divorce. The book was boring

Bella@That damn expat said...


I was lucky. I found the best doctor in the world and he cured me without medication or talking about my mother.

blognut said...

I love my therapist! I wish she'd tell me to drink though.

Ryan Ashley Scott@Optimistic Cynicism said...

She sounds like an alcoholic, trying to live vicariously through you.

Hubby once had a therapist who ranted on and on about how his parents screwed him up and screwed him over. I've been saying it for years, but this guy wanted payment for it. Idiot.

Jade Bordeaux said...

Sounds like she needed therapy...or a drink!
My therapist is the best, I wish you lived close, I'd refer you! Sorry, I dont see how that woman made it that far?

Sassy Britches said...

*shakes head and sighs deeply* It's people like that who give the rest of us a bad rap!

Call Me Cate said...

Angie - she's not high-paid by me anymore at least. Let someone else pay for her services!

Lora - there were often long awkward silences in our conversations. Then she'd usually start back in by suggesting I drink. Or stories about her cat.

R Susanna - I found that on the rare occasions this lady suggested any sort of coping method, it was one I had already been doing because I read about it in a book. The book was far cheaper than the copays.

Bella - my mother is probably the root of a lot of my issues. But this chick just sucked.

blognut - what if *I* tell you to drink? Will that help?

RAS - yep, just like your husband, this lady told me nothing I didn't already know. And she offered nothing helpful for dealing with it.

Jade - yeah, therapists are tough to get a recommendation on. It's not like I want to walk up to coworkers and say "Hey, you seem psycho enough to need a therapist, me too! Who do you suggest?"

Sassy Britches - hate that. I'm sure there are many fabulous counselors out there. This chick may even be one of them (I think she does a lot of work with children). But her methods weren't working for me at all.

SisterFriend said...

Holy. Crap.

Juliet Colors said...

Wow. That's incredibly disturbing. I know that a lot of people who go into the mental health field do so because they have problems of their own, but your ex-therapist sounds not only looney, but just plain dumb.

Best wishes for finding someone better! I know how hard it can be.

A. said...

Wow... I hope she was your therapist for a very short time.

Call Me Cate said...

Sister Friend - I KNOW, right? She was a piece of work.

Juliet - I'm just running wild now with no therapist and so far I seem to be doing ok. I dread the search for someone new though if/when the time comes.

A - I gave it 10 sessions (about 3 months) and called it quits. I figured that was more than a fair shot at it.

penguinsandladybugs said...

Wow! You know, I am a therapist. And someone already suggested that folks sometimes go into the mental health field because they have mental health issues. That is so true! Seems like she struggled with intimacy, so she focused on her cat....and she self-medicated by drinking. A shame....and you were MORE than generous with your 10 sessions!

Lyndsay said...

See, almost thinks I could be qualified to be a therapist. A blogging-therpist. Think of the riches!

Sparky ♥ ∞ said...

Wow, this makes me glad I've never had to seek any kind of treatment. That must be really frustrating. I hope you found someone more attune to your needs.
Me, I just shot guns, ride motorcycles, and live in the country. That's my therapy! :o) ♥ ∞

Yaya said...

Sorry you had a craptastic counselor. Sheesh...those things she said were unbelievable!

Yaya said...

Hmmm...what's that secret blog you got there???

Yeah, I've been known to harrass bloggers until they allow me into their closed blogs! Lol!

Tiffany said...

She liked the "drink will fix it" idea. Wow.

Call Me Cate said...

penguinsandladybugs - I definitely felt like I was the one listening to her problems. Not helpful to me at all.

Lyndsay - compared to her, everyone's qualified. Do you own a sofa? Or at least have access to one? You win, let me write you a check!

Sparky - I was so resistent to seek help of that sort and then to have HER.

Yaya - aren't YOU little miss observant... ;)

Tiffany - I'm all for a drink to relax from time to time but that seemed to be her only suggestion. Other than petting her cat.

The Wife O Riley said...

For $100 an hour, I'll even pour you a drink!

andy said...

I totally just lost my ha ha due to my word verification being "wetti". And now I also have to go pee.

andy said...

And I agree with Ya Cate? Am I not good enough? You do realize that us ladies who stalk our favourite blogs incessantly were going to notice that in short order?

And Ya Ya? Thanks for stealing my thunder...I was totally gonna blast Cate before you did. I really hate you now.

And I don't know if I need a therapist. I think a lot of them are more strange than me so maybe I'd just be adding to my list of oddities rather than whittling away at it. Whatever. I'm going to go have a glass of wine now, though.

Call Me Cate said...

Wife O Riley - for that kind of money, you're right. If she's going to suggest a drink, she needs to start pouring!

Andy - great, now I have to pee too. Don't be hating on Yaya! I won't stand for it! Also, if you have wine, you'll just have to pee again. I've learned that lesson.

Ribbon said...

Love it! that's why most people visit therapy...... to be reminded of just how normal they are :-)

thanks for sharing

best wishes

Call Me Cate said...

Ribbon - now that you put it like that, maybe I should return to her!

Donnetta said...

Hell - I could have just told you to drink and saved you LOTS of money! ;)