STARTING 4/8/17: Six Word Saturday is now being hosted by the lovely Debbie at Travel With Intent. If you aren't already following Debbie, please visit her blog for Six Word Saturday and her beautiful photos. I'll continue to participate from time to time but please go to Debbie's for the official posts.
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Monday, February 09, 2009
First, there's the diet. 99% of what they eat is bamboo, which is so nutritionally inefficient that they have to eat 40 pounds of that stuff per day. Oh, also, the dumb bears are really lousy at actually digesting it, resulting in a whole lot of bamboopoo. Not so smart.
Next, let's talk about that adorable black and white fur. Pandas live in the mountains of China, not the pre-house dropping Kansas from Wizard of Oz. Maybe the fur makes them cute, but it's horrible camouflage. In addition, they're fat and slow so you'd think disguises would be a higher priority.
Also, they have violent hidden agendas. They lure you in with their adorableness and then THEY EAT YOUR FACE!!! One bear in China has attacked tourists three times. It's not the humans' fault, of course. They're helpless against the powers of the blood-thirsty bear.
And finally, let's talk about reproduction. Pandas are notoriously bad at sex. They're even worse than that guy from your freshman history class. Yeah, that bad. Captive pandas just have no interest in sex, leaving researchers showing them videos of panda-porn and sneaking Viagra in the males' bamboo.
As if all of that isn't enough, they live in China so you know they must be communist polluters plotting to take over the world and ruin life as we now know it.
So there you go. All the reasons that pandas totally suck. Come back tomorrow when I share all of the reasons that Queen is the worst rock band EVER.