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Wednesday, March 04, 2009

It's all a lie

Remember waaaaaaaaaaay back when you were little and you couldn't wait for the Easter Bunny to visit and hide your basket full of crack candy? And then, maybe at school one day, that obnoxious little Donnie Donaldson (oh, if only I were kidding about that name) broke the news to you that it was all a lie?

I mean, unless of course you still believe in the Easter Bunny. Easter Bunny is awesome! He's totally coming to visit you in about six weeks! Leave him some crack carrots!

Anyways, I hate it when illusions are shattered. You believe in something only to find out it's a fake. After dealing with some major disappointments during my lifetime (like, oh, I don't know, the fact that your mother is supposed to love you unconditionally instead of stealing from you and trashing your reputation?) I've had a few such letdowns recently.

The first involves a little old lady named Gladys on the Ellen Degeneres Show. Here's a funny clip from YouTube. Yes, funny elderly chick! Only... She's a ringer. I hate being fooled!

I won't even go into the stunt a coworker pulled recently, decimating the last bit of belief I had in the myth that he might be a decent human being.

And now, I find out a site that I thought was providing actual reviews/recommendations actually charges an advertising fee. And all of the recommendations are apparently paid ads. So much for truth in advertising. The worst part is that I think everyone else was in on it and just didn't tell me. Yay, it's fun to feel like a chump! I need to be more keen about these types of things if I'm going to succeed at my plan for world domination.

I shouldn't be surprised or disappointed I suppose. Yet, I am. And so yet another illusion is shattered. I'm not gonna punch anyone in the face about it though - because I don't want to risk Santa putting me on his naughty list. Yes, at least there's still Santa to bring me crack gifties.


Sassy Britches said...

I'm thinking we should all move to Sweden. I hear they're not money-grubbing liars over there.

TMC said...

Are you selling shares in this world domination plan? I believe in you. Also, Santa doesn't come to my house so if you need a proxy face-puncher, I'm your girl.

Ryan Ashley Scott said...

What?! Gladys was a fake? I feel betrayed. Makes me wonder about the late fruitcake lady from Leno. You just can't trust anybody anymore.

Snarky A. said...

In my opinion, it is always better to know the truth.
For example, what if you were now a grown-up still all buddy buddy with the Easter Bunny, and then news broke. After a [your age here] year relationship. Way more devastating.

Grand Pooba said...

Hmmm, can't help but think that co worker is the same project manager you mentioned in your comment on my blog. Just let me know the time and the place and I'm there for you!

Angela said...

doesn't it suck when you find out something was a lie and you were lead to believe otherwise???

Call Me Cate said...

Sassy Britches - Sweden sounds promising to me!

TMC - I'm not selling shares but I have had a request to be on my cabinet. I'll keep you in mind for a position. Head Santa Face-Puncher perhaps.

RAS - Gladys was totally a fake. I feel a little like Ellen lied to me. Not cool, Ellen! I bet that other lady in the audience isn't even her mom!

Snarky A - better to know the truth for sure. Although, maybe less lying up front, huh? Stupid bunny.

Pooba - would you believe they are different people? Yes, I have TWO of these numbskulls to deal with. I'm so fortunate like that!

Angela - it totally sucks, unless I'm the one doing the lying. Like to a professor or something. Never said I wasn't a hypocrite!

Lyndsay said...

I feel so taken, I was totally on the Gladys-train.


The only good thing about disappointment is that it sets us up for reality.

MarjnHomer said...

of course you heard about the grannies who took out life insurance on a homeless guy, then murdered him for it. makes you wonder about who to believe these days...

Juliet Colors said...

I don't like being fooled because I can't stand feeling foolish. But I enjoy a good surprise ending, even if I didn't see it coming.

A Donnie Donaldson-like child tried to disillusion me about Santa when I was a kid. But I'd seen Santa (he popped in my bedroom once to make sure I was sleeping -- but I wasn't!), so I didn't believe the Donnie-child. Santa comes for me every year.

andy said...

Does Sweden have warm weather?

I'm kind of sick of the ups and downs of seasons.

And I believe that nothing is what it seems...then when you are enlightened it is not too much of a letdown.

Optimist? Pessimist...sigh. Old habits are hard to break.

SF said...

"Remember waaaaaaaaaaay back "

Are you calling me old? ;)

And what's a ringer?

R Susanna said...

What? Santa is still comming to y'alls houses? I knew I should have been a little less naughty :(

Snarky A. said...

Ha ha, clearly I need to fill you guys in on the real Sweden. There seems to be all sorts of misconceptions going around :D
"warm weather" pffft!

blognut said...

Crap! Are you kidding me? The Easter Bunny is not real? I need to think about this.

Melissa said...

I can not believe Gladys is fake. That sucks! Shame on you Ellen!

Donnetta said...

Pooba now has no fingerprints so she can take out your coworker and the money grubbing ho dogs and no one is the wiser!!

Debby said...

The Easter bunny is fake. Gladys is a fake. Co-workers will stab you in the back. (Who knew?!!) Nothing in this world is true except Sweden and Santa. Okay. I think I've got it straight now. I'll never be disillusioned again.

Call Me Cate said...

Lyndsay - cold, harsh reality. Yay. I loved Gladys when I saw the first call on YouTube. Then I noticed Tony was back. And started recording daily. But now I feel dirty.

MarjnHomer - I did hear about those grannies. What is wrong with people? At least they got caught, I suppose.

Juliet - I'm good with surprise endings. Just not outright deceptions. I ran into the Santa issue in Sunday School before I even started kindergarten. Meh.

Andy - I like to call it "realism", not pessimism.

SF - took me a minute to realize it was you. No, I'm calling ME old, not anyone else. A ringer is when you bring in a professional but pretend they're an amateur. Usually used in reference to sports or gaming.

Susanna - less naughty is less fun!

Snarky A - I was waiting for you to set us straight.

blognut - don't shoot the messenger, ok?

Melissa - I know, so sad.

Donnetta - I'm trying to think of the best way to put Pooba's "skills" to use.

Debby - such a crazy world we live in. Yay for Sweden and Santa!

angi_b72 said...

I don't know if i can get over the fact that the Easter bunny is not real....NOW who is going to do the easter baskets for my kids this year?
Even more disappointing...I LOVED GLADYS!! i need to go lay down now!! lol

Yaya said...

What's the deal w/ Gladys??

Sorry your mom did you wrong, that sucks.

beckiwithani said...

My parents didn't believe in teaching us about stuff like Santa Claus - they were really into being honest with their kids.

So they figured we didn't believe in any of the others, either ... Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, etc.

One day either me or my sister asked, "What's the Tooth Fairy's name?" and my mom, thinking it was a joke, said her own name: "Cathy!"

She only found out we believed in the Tooth Fairy when she discovered we'd gone to school and bragged to all our friends that the Tooth Fairy had the same name as our mom.

Oh yeah, and this was in 9th grade. (Okay, just kidding about that part!)

Call Me Cate said...

Angie - maybe the Tooth Fairy can handle basket duty.

Yaya - Gladys is a semi-professional comedian I guess. Sad, huh? She's not just some random old lady viewer.

Becki - that's awesome. And so jealous, that Tooth Fairy and your mom having the same name and all.