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Monday, April 06, 2009

Blame it on the rain

I'm feeling introspective today and trying to figure out what I'm doing.

You know how when you're overly tired and no matter how many times you blink or rub your eyes, you just can't quite see clearly enough to really focus? My head is like that right now. I keep blinking, blinking, blinking... And clarity improves for a split second but then it unfailingly begins to blur once again.

One of the things really weighing on me is my health. Tomorrow, I return to the doctor. My expectations are to not come out of her office with answers but I am going to insist that we take a more aggressive approach to figuring out what is happening to me. I'm pretty sure she'll insist, actually, but if she doesn't, it's time to find a new doctor. So far, she's been by the book and I have confidence in her. But it's like when you have a headache - we've tried the equivalent resting, aspirin, ice packs, prescription pills. Now it's time to ramp up because none of the simple solutions are working. I'll feel better just knowing that we're taking stronger action.

Last Monday, I posted about my attitude adjustment. Despite the rest of this post, that's actually been going quite well. No matter how much I feel like I'm being slammed around by life, I keep reminding myself about that new and improved attitude and it's helped a lot.

I apologize if my posts aren't so warm and fuzzy or entertaining all the time. Actually, nah, I don't. It's my blog, it's my life. Thanks to everyone for your wise words in the comments of yesterday's non-post. I kept coming back to the reminder from Grand Pooba (and, seriously, she's the grandest pooba I know - I plan to post about her again later this week) that blogging is supposed to be an outlet, not an obligation. I'll post something every day because it makes me crazier not to but maybe I'll give you a secret bat-signal if it's a bit meh.

Yes, the secret word shall be "walrus", as decided by Twitter and random.org. Thank you to blognut for forcing me to figure out how to work "walrus" into my blog openings. Also, this was the most "normal" of the words she suggested. Thank you random.org for having my back!

So from now on, if you see a post that mentions "walrus" in the beginning, consider yourself warned!

19 comments:

blognut said...

You didn't like schmoozle, peter, sniggle, geezle, or muggle?

That's all right, 'walrus' works for me! Besides, I win! I win! I usually don't win, so I'm not sure how to handle it.

:0)

TMC said...

what's this secret word business?

Snarky A. said...

I only understand health-worries too well, after 6 months of Hubby's ongoing medical stuff. The not-knowing really eats away at you. I am so sorry you have to go through this, Cate. Good luck tomorrow.

We're here for you, walrus or not.

<3

Sassy Britches said...

You know we'll be reading whether you walrus us or not! Best of luck at the doc's!

Lora said...

i hear you about the doctor stuff. It's stressful, and even if you don't get answers, at least get a plan of action. If you don't, move on.

And who likes happy blogs? Not I. Pollyanna blogging is so annoying.

Isabella said...

Good luck at the doctor! I hope they find the answers to what is going on.

Ryan Ashley Scott said...

May I please direct you to the first thing I ever read on here:
"It's a blog. I'll probably write stuff in it." Let's focus on the 'probably' and the 'stuff' which offer no promises or guarantees.

Walrus is a grand word.

KiKi said...

You seem so sad lately...never apologize for your feelings. That's the wonderful thing about writing...it serves as an outlet for those emotions, even if you think it makes for uninteresting material. The truth of the matter is, many people may read what you have to say when you are feeling down or not feeling well and identify...and not feel so alone. Do you know what I'm saying? Nobody should expect a person to be "up" every day--and no matter what, your writing should be always for you first. And your well-being comes even before that. There are a lot of people in the blogging world--and I'm sure beyond--that care and really enjoy you. I hope things turn around soon...in the meantime, remain sincere. Sincerity like yours is refreshing!

mo.stoneskin said...

I'm happy to use 'walrus', I'm used to it and use it as a password for all my internet accounts so I won't forget it. Please don't tell anyone it is also my password.

Hope things work out ok with the doc.

Melissa B. said...

You definitely need to take time for yourself. I'm on Spring Break this week. My restorative step involved abandoning the lengthy To Do List & scooting over to a coffee house with my computer to do a little blog-hopping. If the Hubby asks, I guess I'll just say, "What To Do List?"

Debbie said...

I hope you get the support and answers you need and deserve from the doctor.

♥~♥ Tracey ♥~♥ said...

I followed you here from Andy's place. I am glad I did. I loved the line about blogging being an outlet, not an obligation!

Keep us UTD (up to date) about the head fog. Hope it clears soon.

Call Me Cate said...

blognut - I'm pretty sure random.org thought they weren't really words and tossed them out. I've heard that if you win, it's customary to thank me with the contents of your savings account.

TMC - Rather than feel I should apologize for a "meh" post, I'm just going to warn you all with the secret word. See? Then you're free to skip it.

Snarky - I wish nobody had to know about health worries. I don't need the extra anxiety. None of us do.

Sassy Britches - ShowMyFace.com, walrusing the internets since 2009!

Lora - That's my plan. Either we have a good plan to get answers or I find someone that will. You're right, too, happy blogs are SO overrated. Bring on doom and gloom!

Isabella - Thanks!

RAS - I just love it when people throw my own words back at me. ;) Yes, I'll "probably" write "stuff" in it. I'm totally off the hook!

KiKi - I think part of apologizing for my feelings is just habit so people don't worry about me. It's so conflicting "Hi, I'm sad, but I'm sorry I told you, don't worry, I'll be ok!". Thank you for your words though, I appreciate it.

Mo - Your secret is safe with me.

Melissa - I'm not aware of any to do list. Unless it's the one that said you should get coffee and hang out for awhile!

Debbie - So far, she's been great and I fully expect her to kick things up a notch tomorrow. But if she doesn't go there automatically, I'm going to make it clear that it's what I need.

Tracey - They're Pooba's brillant words but they really struck me yesterday. It's made me think about why I started this blog in the first place and what I'm doing with it. Probably a walrus-entry all on its own in the near future.

andy said...

cate! what the? secret word?

sigh...what have i missed NOW?

Juliet Colors said...

With the weekends as practice, I'm getting better just ignoring blogging those times I don't feel up to it. But a secret word works too, as a coping strategy. I'm glad you worked that out.

I'm sorry to hear about your ongoing health issues. I certainly hope your next doctor's appointment is productive. It sounds like you are approaching it with the right attitude.

Debbi said...

You're sooo gonna have PETA people here in droves with that Walrus thing. That'll be fun to play with their heads...

"I Hate *walrus* today"
;)

Yaya said...

Yes, you're right....your blog is your blog. you write what you want and us faithful friends are here no matter what!

I've probably said this before, but I have a chronic illness (endometriosis) that gives me a lot of pain and I also have a constant headache. Constant. That is, until I started acupuncture a year ago. It has been such a savior for me.

Good luck at your appointment.

Call Me Cate said...

Andy - Don't be scared! Just know that if I open with something about walruses (the plural has been debated today), it's not gonna be sunshiney.

Juliet - I'm going to do better giving myself a break this week. Scheduling posts and breaking as needed.

Debbi - Last week, I angered mothers of blonde children, owners of yellow labs, and Switzerland I think. I can handle PETA.

Yaya - Thanks Yaya, I know you're behind me. I may be hitting you up for some info soon if you don't mind.

Tori_z said...

Good luck at the doctor later. *Hugs*