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Friday, May 08, 2009

The dingo ate mah baybay!

On the lighter side of judging parents (kidding!), I'm sometimes concerned about my sister and little nephew. This is mostly because she and her husband are flat broke, have no insurance, quite young, and seem not so great with managing what money they do have. To me, these are all scary conditions for raising a child! However, my sister is DAMN good with that little guy. Still, as the big sister I have my concerns.

Anyways... Yesterday is one month and counting until I completely lose my mind family vacation. I celebrated by dreaming about it. The dream went something like this.

My sister and her husband had wandered off to spend an afternoon alone, leaving nephew Collin with me and Joe. We decided to take him on a double-decker bus tour because, hey, isn't that what babies like to do?

Somewhere along the tour, we hopped off the bus to visit the family of local sheep-herders when suddenly their doorbell rang. For some reason, I knew they were coming for Collin. I quickly stashed him in a storage bin (yeah, yeah, shush) and filed him between Acupuncture and Camels.

When Alan Rickman came in demanding the boy, I put on my best Clueless Cate act. I've perfected it, really, to the point where it's no longer an act but a reality. Alan Rickman wasn't falling for it and quickly found Collin filed under B for Baby. If only I had filed him under N for Nerf-herder!

Maybe Alan Rickman isn't a dingo but he's still British or something so I'm pretty sure that's close enough. Plus, he stole the baby. He didn't eat it. Just sayin'.

As usual, Joe was nowhere around to save me or my nephew from the evil Alan Rickman. You can bet if it had been Joe's nephew, Alan Rickman would've gone away empty-handed. But no, I am a total sucker for an accent not really a fan of babies anyway a teensy bit weak.

My sister was pretty mad when I told her Alan Rickman took her baby. Now what was she going to do with all these pureed carrots? Plus, no more tax deduction! To make her feel better, I made a carrot cake and we all watched Love Actually. In the morning, having gotten her first good night's sleep in almost fifteen months, she told me it was totally worth the loss of the tax deduction and she thanked me.

P.S. Aren't you glad I gave you a glimpse inside my head? It's kinda scary in there even when I'm sleeping. Also, after so many heavy posts this week, I decided I'd end on something light since I apparently need to try way harder to offend people will be leaving work early and heading out of town for the weekend.

P.P.S. It always amuses me when people constantly refer to celebrities by their first and last name. But then I guess not everyone's as awesome as Oprah or Bono.


mo.stoneskin said...

Am I glad? Very glad. Being in your head I mean.

Wait, is that Alan Rickman?!

C. Beth said...

That is a HILARIOUS dream.

I still like Alan Rickman, baby-snatching and all. My apologies to your sister.

Ryan Ashley Scott said...

It was totally worth the loss... ahahaha! My favorite was the filing bin. That's hilarious. And it makes me want to watch Love Actually again - it's been a year or so.

TMC said...

Alan Rickman is not scary! He is a delight! A DELIGHT! He must've had a good, artistic reason for taking the bebe.

SparkleFarkle said...

Even though it was just a dream, I would have went for Alan's-- OOPS! I mean Mr. Rickman's autograph. That's why I always carry a Sharpie, even in my sleep.

Sincerely, this blog is dee-lish! I love hearing about whacky sleeps! Thanks and good weekend to you!

Grand Pooba said...

Or Madonna.

So you actually filed a baby? That's awesome!

andy said...

haven't watched "love actually"...totally on my list of shit to do.

and i also love being in your head. it is way more amusing than my own.

plus i think alan rickman is hot. ever since he was in "robin hood" and wanted to cut out kevin costners heart with (and i quote) "a spoon". awesome. i totally would have slept with him right there.

that is the stuff that goes on in MY head.


SF said...

The other night I dreamed you walked in on your parents having sex. Your dad was super upset and your mom just laid there. True story!

The best part of your dream? Where your sister was like "oh cool, thanks for getting rid of him. I feel so rested now!" LOLOL!

Isabella said...

BAHAHAHA! Did you wake up laughing? I would have. :)

If you don't mind, I'm going to use "Alan Rickman stole mah baybay!"
I wonder if it will catch on.

Call Me Cate said...

Mo - If you see Alan Rickman, you totally need to hide your baby. Better safe than sorry! (Unless you need a nap)

C. Beth - I prefer this dream to the ones I usually have. We were watching Bottle Shock so I had Alan Rickman on the brain apparently. Not a bad thing!

RAS - Love Actually also introduced me to Colin Firth. Yum!

TMC - I've never been afraid of Alan Rickman before. Even in my dream, he was assertive but very nice about taking the baby!

SparkleFarkle - I could've used the autograph as a diversion to retrieve the baby. Win-win - baby AND autograph!

Pooba - your organizing inspired me. I've realized there's nothing that can't be filed!

Andy - You must watch that movie. It's excellent. I wish I remembered him from Robin Hood. Perhaps a rewatch is in order.

SF - My dream is way better than yours. EWWWWWW! You wouldn't trade baby Z for a nap?

Isabella - Let me know if it catches on. Definitely use some kind of wonky accent!

blognut said...

That is too funny! I recently dreamed that I hid my son is a storage bin because someone (not Alan Rickman) came to the door snatch him away. I swear!

It was a big bin, my son is 9. And I didn't file him alphabetically.

Mrs Cooper said...

LOL, what a dream. Alan Rickman???!!! Can't wait to read about the vacation when it takes place.

E. Sloane Cannon said...

I had an insane dream last night, maybe I should write about mine too...Isn't Love Actually the best? Love the Hugh Grant dancing part.

Lyndsay said...

Seriously ... I thought I was the only one who said "the dingo ate mah baybay" ... apparently not.

Crazy Mo said...

If you were really on the ball, you would have just conjured up your wand in your dream and shouted "Expeliarmus!!" thus disarming him and saving your baybay.

I know. You're rolling your eyes right now and muttering "geek". Me too.

Ribbon said...

Well let's just say I'm glad we're not related... only kidding!

happy holidays

best wishes

Call Me Cate said...

blognut - You were smarter than I. Filing alphabetically totally gave it away.

Mrs Cooper - Assuming I write about the vacation when it's OVER, I can't wait for you all to read about it either.

Sloane - I don't often rewatch movies but I never tire of Love Actually.

Lyndsay - Not having a baby, I have ample opportunity to say it. "When you gonna have kids?" "Well, I had one but the dingo ate mah baybay!".

Crazy Mo - My magic wand is in the shop. :(

Ribbon - What, you don't want to donate a baybay to the cause?

Tori_z said...

Man, and I thought it was scary inside my own head.