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Thursday, June 18, 2009

It's like the Grammys, with more bruising

It's time once again for my "Punch in the Face" award. I am handing it out to two new worthy recipients.

Dear New Mom,

Thank you for sharing with me the contents of every diaper, the details of every breast-feeding, your exact sleep schedule, and the fact that your baby has gas. Also, I am in awe of your ability to ignore all of the other mothers who tell you it's because you keep eating broccoli. Until, of course, your doctor confirms broccoli is the likely culprit. Please accept this award on the behalf of all of us who were really hoping you'd spend some time offline bonding and napping after the baby arrived.

You make me want to kick puppies,


Dear Sports Fan,

When I emailed you, asking where I could watch the game in your town, it was because I was traveling there that weekend with my husband. I'm flattered that you chose to respond by hitting on me and offering to buy me a drink. I am writing now to accept your offer - Joe is very excited for the three of us to watch the game together with someone else picking up my bar tab for the night. However, please keep your hands to yourself or I may have to give you a second award.

Make mine a double,

11 comments:

C. Beth said...

Wow, the hitting on you post brings back a dream I had early this morning, about Kevin Costner hitting on me. He was playing some role where he had a silver tooth in the front of his mouth and he was all hick-ish. I had a comeback that sounded good in the dream but I think really wasn't.

You dream about Alan Rickman, I about a redneck Kevin Costner. I think you have better taste than I do.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Broccoli does lead to some truly heinous gas.

andy said...

your posts aren't showing up in my feed cate! wtf?!

i will attempt to fix later, so if i disappear for a bit...

new mothers who haven't yet got the whole "i know everything way better than you 'cause i've been a mom for 2 minutes" out of their head make me want to punch them in the face too.

andy

Beth said...

OMG! I have tons of these awards I could give out. Awesome work here!

Ryan Ashley Scott said...

What? I love to smell baby gas - it's like green perfume. Doesn't everyone?

Do you know this man? I find it especially creepy when men hit on women they don't know (or have never even seen) online, without prompt.

Anonymous said...

Sorry Cate. I wasn't really trying to hit on you, I wanted Joe.

Sportsfan

TMC said...

yikes. people are so duh.

Grand Pooba said...

Oh Cate, I'd like to see that triple date. Let me know how that goes!

Nothin better than hearing about baby poop and sleep cycles!

Call Me Cate said...

C. Beth - At least Kevin Costner was hitting on you instead of trying to steal your baby! I do wonder about the role though.

mjenks - I've heard this about broccoli. In this particular case, she complained about the kid's gas for 3 days and about 6 moms told her it was the broccoli. She kept eating it. Finally she went to the dr and he told her to knock it off. So she did immediately. She makes me nuts.

andy - I haven't changed anything with my feed. I think Blogger has it out for me.

Beth - I have to pace myself. Otherwise this blog would be all punch awards all the time!

RAS - Umm, eww. I don't know the sports guy. I post on a team msg board and I did a search on members from that town. Why he thought he should hit on me is beyond my understanding. I did not reply.

Sportsfan - now it makes sense. Everyone loves SuperJoe!

TMC - they are for sure.

Pooba - The season is over and we won't be visiting that area again for awhile. Maybe next year!

Yaya said...

I LOVE IT!

Lyndsay said...

I feel like maybe if I started writing these I wouldn't be able to stop. Perhaps the problem lies with me ...

Where are you miss Cate?