Yesterday (Monday) was a bit of a rough day.
We were off to a bit of a rough start with my sister-in-law received word that her grandmother had passed away. Yes, grandmother was 87 and had been in poor health for awhile. It wasn't unexpected. But it was still unpleasant and will result in them cutting their stay short. I feel horrible for her. And on a selfish level, I'm really sorry to see our partners-in-crime leave the trip so soon.
Next, the aquarium. Collin loved it. We had a great time looking at the fishies and playing on the stairs. He's actually been very comfortable around me - I'm not sure if it's the family resemblance and similar hair as sister but I've enjoyed a lot of snuggle times. After dinner, my sister and BIL took off for a walk, leaving the rest of us with the little guy. SIL and I fed him his dinner, alternating spoonfuls of yogurt and orange pieces. Fun was had by all!!! Until Collin rolled off Auntie Cate into a porch chair. Seems harmless enough, right?
No, of course not. He had stuck his little fingers through a slat in the chair seat before he rolled, resulting in cuts on two of his fingers and yanking them all backwards. This brought on bleeding and screaming. I handed him off to my dad and made sure Collin was taken care of before literally curling up in a corner of our room and sobbing. I felt so bad about breaking the baby.
It took awhile before I was able to pull myself back together. When my sister returned, I apologized. They had shown her the damage but didn't rat me out. She was actually very cool about it. For the record, Collin had forgiven me by the time I saw him next. Smiles and ready to play with his snail on the stairs.
I realize that these things happen and it wasn't my fault. But it still breaks my heart that he was hurt and screaming like that when I was in closest proximity. How do parents do it? Maybe it's somehow worse when you break a baby that's not your own?
As I write this Monday night, I'm ready to crash into bed with a half-throbbing head that knows better but a heart that still hurts over those tears in his baby blues. The panic and sick I felt at his sobs rendered me completely incapable of functioning. I can't imagine the anxiety of being responsible for one (or more!) all day every day. Sometimes I really wonder if I'll ever be cut out for this.
P.S. Sorry I haven't been responding to comments like I usually do. I'm finding it all a bit overwhelming but doing my best to kind of leave it alone while I try to enjoy vacation. I am reading and appreciating you all. And I'm totally bringing you all the sand you can eat when I return from the trip!