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Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Rough day in Vacationland

Yesterday (Monday) was a bit of a rough day.

We were off to a bit of a rough start with my sister-in-law received word that her grandmother had passed away. Yes, grandmother was 87 and had been in poor health for awhile. It wasn't unexpected. But it was still unpleasant and will result in them cutting their stay short. I feel horrible for her. And on a selfish level, I'm really sorry to see our partners-in-crime leave the trip so soon.

Next, the aquarium. Collin loved it. We had a great time looking at the fishies and playing on the stairs. He's actually been very comfortable around me - I'm not sure if it's the family resemblance and similar hair as sister but I've enjoyed a lot of snuggle times. After dinner, my sister and BIL took off for a walk, leaving the rest of us with the little guy. SIL and I fed him his dinner, alternating spoonfuls of yogurt and orange pieces. Fun was had by all!!! Until Collin rolled off Auntie Cate into a porch chair. Seems harmless enough, right?

No, of course not. He had stuck his little fingers through a slat in the chair seat before he rolled, resulting in cuts on two of his fingers and yanking them all backwards. This brought on bleeding and screaming. I handed him off to my dad and made sure Collin was taken care of before literally curling up in a corner of our room and sobbing. I felt so bad about breaking the baby.

It took awhile before I was able to pull myself back together. When my sister returned, I apologized. They had shown her the damage but didn't rat me out. She was actually very cool about it. For the record, Collin had forgiven me by the time I saw him next. Smiles and ready to play with his snail on the stairs.

I realize that these things happen and it wasn't my fault. But it still breaks my heart that he was hurt and screaming like that when I was in closest proximity. How do parents do it? Maybe it's somehow worse when you break a baby that's not your own?

As I write this Monday night, I'm ready to crash into bed with a half-throbbing head that knows better but a heart that still hurts over those tears in his baby blues. The panic and sick I felt at his sobs rendered me completely incapable of functioning. I can't imagine the anxiety of being responsible for one (or more!) all day every day. Sometimes I really wonder if I'll ever be cut out for this.

P.S. Sorry I haven't been responding to comments like I usually do. I'm finding it all a bit overwhelming but doing my best to kind of leave it alone while I try to enjoy vacation. I am reading and appreciating you all. And I'm totally bringing you all the sand you can eat when I return from the trip!


Lora said...

breaking babies feels terrible, but more so for the breaker, not the breakee.

babies bounce for a reason

Debbi said...

meh. I've broken a million babies in my time.

Take it from the dayhome provider. Breaking your OWN baby is WAYYYY easier the second/third time. Breaking anyone ELSE'S baby is ALWAYS hard. Every scratch, break, tear equals NOT GOOD in the eyes of a parent who's hired me. So, I have no doubts that you'll be a GREAT mom some day-- you've already broken a babe-- it gets easier every time. Like. uh. Sex.

Ryan Ashley Scott said...

It's a little worse when you break someone else's baby because you have to hand them off for someone else to fix and you're left with nothing to do but rehash it and feel guilty. When its your own, you have to suck it up and focus on the child, which is distracting. I once sat down at a restaurant while holding my infant niece, not realizing how close the chair next to me was, and slammed the back of her head into it. Hard. I still feel awful.

Glad you're having a great time with your nephew - kids have a way of breaking tension and bringing out smiles all around. He sounds like such a sweet kid.

Mrs Cooper said...

The reason Colin forgave you is because I'm sure he got so much extra attention from you after it happened that it made it all betters. Sometimes Parents just say, Okay,that's enough crying cause we deal with it all day.

Can I just say I was cracking up at "Breaking the Baby". Can't wait to read the next episode.

TM said...

Somehow, someway, little 'uns will find a way to get injured no matter how careful one is. Not you fault. Babies are not broken in this way. Bad parenting will do far more damage.

Colin is cool with it. He'll remember the hugs, not the injury.

The Wife O Riley said...

It totally feels worse when you break someone elses baby. But they are like rubber bands at this age and have very short memories.

C. Beth said...

Good for you for not feeling required to respond to every comment on vacation.

I agree with Debbi above--it's so much easier when you break your own!!

andy said...

breaking kids is always hard the first few times.

any realistic parent understands that kids get hurt, because (and trust me on this) i'm sure collin has been injured and had many "ow-ies" before now.

the fact that you feel so bad should just solidify to you that you have a lot of thought and care for your nephew.

if you ever so choose, you'll be an awesome mom.


p.s. i broke my youngest when she was two. i was holding my brand spanking new nephew in the grocery store with one arm, and holding her by the hand with my other. she wanted to go in those fancy carts that were like cars and i wouldn't let her. so she started to have a tantrum and tried to pull away so that she could do a runner. that didn't work so she decided to sit down...she tried to sit down, i tried to stop her and pulled her up. totally dislocated her elbow. the doctor said it happens all the time. it didn't make me feel better. every time i see parents swinging their kids by the arms in between them i wince. i'm pretty sure she still loves me most days, though.

Snarky A. said...

I've broken tons of babies in my day, and I don't even have kids (avid baby sitter). It always feels awful, but things like this happen. Babies are resilient little creatures, Cate.

Glad the little guy is bringing you some smiles. He sounds like a cute kid.

You'll be a fabulous mom!

SisterFriend said...

I think it's worse when it's somene else's baby. By the time your own is oh, 3 hours old, you realize they are almost impossible to break and you relax a bit. Sorry he got hurt on your watch though.

Hope you are at least enjoying the sunshine and sand, but not eating it.

Meg said...

Babies are going to get fingers, toes, arms and legs...oh, and heads, too...stuck and cut. They survive and mom's (and aunts) do too. (I hope you didn't really cry like you said you did.)

Grand Pooba said...

Yeah, I don't know how parents do it either! I break babies all the time and then I cry harder then the baby cries!

Being an aunt is hard

Sassy Britches said...

I don't even HAVE babies, but I think (I am CERTAIN) that it feels worse when it is someone else's baby. So, no worries! The baby was no worse for the wear (they always scream bloody murder over the slightest thing anyway, so I'm sure it wasn't as huge a deal as the screams made it out to be). I hope things pick up for ya!

Melissa B. said...

The good news about the kiddos, though, is that they'll love you no matter what. I'll bet Colin recovered from his "boo-boo" faster than you did!

Juliet Colors said...

I'm sorry about your rough day and losing your allies prematurely. I hope things are looking up and you're enjoying yourself by the time you read this.

Babies and children are resilient, and so are you. You can handle whatever you set your mind to. :-)

Tori_z said...

Don't beat yourself up over it. It wasn't anything serious. Besides, he's fine, nobody's mad at you... Now it's time to stop being mad at yourself.

Call Me Cate said...

Thank you to everyone who took the time to reassure me that it wasn't my fault and babies survive breakages. Collin still loves me and sister didn't beat me up over it. Sorry for not replying individually to comments. Still vacationing. :)