Hey, at least it's not a vacation or cat post!
...I lived closer to my family? Would it force resolution of these issues instead of trying to smooth over them to make our infrequent visits pleasant?
...I had more self-confidence? And what would it take? A fulfilling career doing something I can't even define? A hot body? Feeling as if my husband worships the ground I walk on?
...my mother hadn't raised me to live in constant fear of anything new or different?
...I truly possessed focus, self-control, and dedication? Instead of routine, fear, and inability to change?
...my dad had a spine and had stood up for me or had acknowledged the truth? Or had stood up for himself and sought happiness instead of peace-keeping?
...J was still alive? And my mother hadn't lied?
...I didn't feel so uncertain about situations that have been plaguing me for years? If I knew my own mind instead of being confused between what I want and what I've talked myself into settling for instead?
...I had started a family with Joe ten years ago when we were first married and I knew it was what I wanted?
...my hobbies and dreams and self were still intact instead of being talked down or otherwise made unrecognizable?
What are your what-ifs? Over the years, I've mostly learned how to let them go. You know, the whole "Serenity Prayer" thing.
God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.
But sometimes the what-ifs creep up and take over. Right now, I'm drowning in them.
There's so much left to tell. Some day, maybe...
P.S. Come back tomorrow for Six Word Saturday with a return-to-normal Mr. Linky and a less contemplative Cate. Promise!