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Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Which neighbor are you?

I've mentioned angry neighbor, hot shirtless running neighbor, Canadian neighbor, tree hugger neighbor. But now I'm wondering - which neighbors are we?

Hermit neighbors: We have a fabulous screened porch and deck on the back of our house so we don't hang out in the front. Ever. Also, I tend to keep all the blinds shut on the front windows because people are nosy bitches I hate cleaning it keeps the house cooler. To add to this theory, we never manage to make it to the neighborhood parties - but that's always because of scheduling issues.

Neighbors who don't mow their lawn: I am morally opposed too lazy allergic to an entire list of grasses, pollens, trees, molds, mildews and dust. This makes it impossible for me to mow the yard, leaving the task to Joe. When the man doesn't arrive home until 7pm most nights, this means the lawn often has to wait for the weekend. If it's raining? Too bad, not gonna happen! If we're out of town? If he's just completely spent from the week and doesn't feel like it? Yep, we're the house on the corner in front growing patches of weeds.

Neighbors with the stupid pear tree that looks awful and spews fruit that draws bees and overhangs the sidewalk so nobody can get by: It's all true. I can say only two things in our defense - we didn't plant it (you can thank the previous owners) and we hate it as much as you do. Since I drafted this post three weeks ago, we've actually had it removed.

I guess we're not very interesting neighbors. We try not to be loud very often and never at odd hours. We try not to poke into other neighbors' business. And I'd still rather be any of these things than angry neighbor. At least people don't run away when they see me coming.

The neighbors next to us, "Fake Flowers in the Yard and Neon Mailbox Neighbors", are moving out. They've always been a bit odd but very quiet. I won't be greedy and hope for really hot replacements. Maybe new BFFs? Nuns? Celebrity chefs?

P.S. By the way, hot shirtless running neighbor hasn't been around lately. I'm wondering how to lure him back. Maybe if I set up a water station in my yard?

20 comments:

Hit 40 said...

I am a hermit. Really do not want to socialize with the neighbors. They do not get my humor. The crazy bitch to the left is one of those people who likes to take offense in some twisted way to anything that you say. Just leave me alone you politically correct psycho!!!

My old neighborhood had some nice people

Comedy Goddess said...

We all pretty much ignore one another on our street. It's better that way.

Debbi said...

All my neighbours know us, everyone gets along, and they all have kids the same age. So, I'm probably the neighbour with the ass-ex. (they don't like him much)

Good thing I'm moving. I should soooo start a scandal before I go! Fun fun.

Tori_z said...

We mostly keep to ourselves, and we try not to be noisy too early or too late. But if I pass any neighbours when I'm coming home or going out then I'll stop and say, "hi," (even if I don't say anything more than that). We're a bit more friendly with the people who love above us, but that comes from sharing a garden with someone. And they're moving some time in the not too distant future. I try not to get too involved with neighbours... I allowed that to happen in the last place we lived, and it resulted in so much hastle the police ended up involved, and we ended up moving for our own safety. I'm not saying that happens everywhere, but better safe than sorry, right?

The Wife O Riley said...

I am totally that neighbor too. We keep to ourselves which is nicer than saying we are anti social.

C. Beth said...

We were somewhat hermit neighbors before we had kids old enough to go out and play with friends. Now I have to fight my hermit (and heat-hating) tendencies to take my kiddos outside where all the cool neighborhood kids hang out. Sometimes I even miss TV shows to do it. Parenting requires great sacrifice.

Grand Pooba said...

Oh yeah, the water station is a great idea! Just wear a bikini too lol!

So my hubster and I are the evil sinning neighbors. Almost everyone in our neighborhood is LDS and we aren't. We like to sit out on the deck and drink wine and talk at night while our evil fearing neighbors stare in horror!

SisterFriend said...

We're the hermits on our street and also The Scum Who Haven't Put In Their Yard Yet. :( I know it bugs the neighbors directly next door, every time we see them they bring up yardwork or landscaping. And weight too but that's another story. However, we all love each other in our little neck of the woods here.

SisterFriend said...

GrandPooba ... I live in Utah too and our street ROCKS. Only 2 LDS families, the rest of us are drunk heathens! Our neighborhood parties rock. You are welcome to come whoop it up in the Southwest part of the valley if you want.

blognut said...

I am 'Hot Shirtless Neighbor'.

Oh wait - forget I said that.

Snarky A. said...

Hermits all the way.

Call Me Cate said...

Hit 40 - If I could find awesome people (like me!) to socialize with, that would be cool. But everyone's either old or they have kids. I've yet to find any kindred spirits in my zip code.

Comedy Goddess - Our 'hood is the same way.

Debbi - I think kids are a big part of it. The neighbors in the back of the subdivision seem to hang more because of their little ones. We've had our share of scandals but fortunately none have involved me (yet!).

Tori - I always wave and smile. Sometimes it's returned but not always.

Wife O Riley - Oooh, yes. Keep to ourselves. We respect their privacy. Definitely not antisocial.

C. Beth - Your situation makes a lot of sense. I'd find it hard to push myself as well but I guess Chickie and Zoodle can't be convinced that only inside games are fun?

Pooba - I <3 that you're the evil neighbors. I was part of the heathen-contingent on family vacation so I can relate at least a bit!

SisterFriend - You and that yard. Soon, Z will be old enough to help.

blognut - Ummm... No doubt.

Snarky - I bet you're awesome hermits though.

Rachel said...

I am the exhibitionist neighbor. I only recently stopped washing the car in my bikini top and I almost always now close the blinds before a shower. Not because I am a big perv or anything. I guess I just didn't think about it before. NOw that I have a kid I think...hmmm... how would i feel if my kid had to watch some soccer mom in her tiny bikini? Puts it into perspective. ;)

2cats said...

I live in the woods. My closest neighbor is 1/2 mile away. And 22 miles from town. I guess because of those 3 things I am all the neighbors in one (not hot naked runner though).
I miss living in a neighborhood where everyone knew everyone. Maybe someday I will have it again.

Sparky ♥ ∞ said...

We're live deep in the Georgia woods. It's 4 miles to the closest 'town' (being generous here). :o) Our neighbors are far enough away so that we still like each other and help out when needed. Even attend church with many of them. They're all pretty much nice folks. I remember living in a neighborhood though and hated it, so, I hear ya on the giving people 'titles'. I did the same thing when we lived in the city. Yuck. It's not natural to jam a bunch of strangers up against one another and expect everyone to get along. I like country living. :o)

a corgi said...

we are the loud noisy neighbors; we don't try to be and its not my intent, but we have a dog that barks at everything and a 20 y/o son with wild friends. Otherwise, we try to keep to ourselves, though I have to say, since we moved last month, this is the first neighborhood where I have met several neighbors already; usually we never meet anyone, its very friendly

this was a cute blog to read tonight.

betty

TMC said...

I'm all those things! A hermit with a shaggy lawn whose apple tree is OUT OF CONTROL.

Deal with it.

Call Me Cate said...

Rachel - At home, I'm mindful of closing windows. On vacation, I kinda forget or just assume people can't see in. No idea why.

2cats - I grew up in the woods. Those people were more in my business than people in our 'hood now.

Sparky - I don't miss country living so much but I like keeping to myself. Just because we like the same location or house style doesn't mean we're all gonna be pals!

Betty - Sometimes we're noisy. We just try to keep it to non-sleeping hours. I'm glad you have met some good people now.

TMC - You should see our lawn right now. Yikes. I'm hiding inside so people don't give me that look.

Ryan Ashley Scott said...

We have super friendly redneck neighbor, and super creepy weirdo who could be a serial something but acts really nice even though I know in my gut there's something wrong there neighbor. We don't mow our yard, either, and it's just laziness. No, I take that back - it's totally because we're saving gas by only mowing every once in a while.

Yaya said...

My neighbors probably think I'm unpredictable. I'm so moody and sometimes I'm friendly as can be and other times I'll scowl at you and run in my house.