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Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Appeasing the masses

Seems you're all interested in the story behind my banishment from my hometown Sears. I'll share but consider yourselves warned - if you're a big fan of Joe, his halo may slip a bit here... (Or, maybe it will make you a bigger fan, in which case don't tell him because his ego is big enough already.)

Back in the olden days (circa 1996), I bought a stereo at Sears with some of my graduation money. It was what my dad still refers to as a "ghetto blaster". Way to be a white man, Dad. I would like to refer to it more as a boombox. For some reason, after a couple of weeks, I decided I did not want a boombox - I wanted a shelf stereo.

Joe drove me to the mall, stereo and receipt in hand, and dropped me off at Sears. They refused to take the unit back. Defeated but too timid to put up much of an argument, I left.

When I returned to Joe, still lugging the offending stereo, he decided he was going to get my money back for me. It's important to note that Joe still refuses to take no for an answer but his methods have matured greatly. Also, he's a little more reasonable about the demands he makes. But that's now and we're talking about the Stone Age of 1996.

Joe carts my stereo back into the store and again asks for a refund. The lady says no. Joe asks for a manager. She IS the manager (aren't they all?). Joe then tells her she WILL refund the money. He didn't threaten her and I can't even remember his exact words. Except that by this time, I was doing my best to make a stealthy retreat into the neighboring shoe department.

She finally offered to give him 80% back but of course this wasn't good enough. She told him that it was the best she could do according to policy.

And this is when it all went so very wrong. Joe raised his voice. "Listen here, you black-haired bitch. It says right over the door there 'satisfaction guaranteed or your effing money back'."

That's when she called security. We were escorted from the store by two fat guys wearing shirts three sizes too small and told to never return. And even though that was thirteen years ago and I'm sure none of those people are still there, I've always been afraid to go back.

Honestly, it's not even that big of a loss. I was never a Sears fan and then since they got all wrapped up with evil duty-shirking KMart I've gone out of my way to avoid them. But KMart is a rant for another day.

P.S. - Just remember, Joe would NEVER do something like that now. First, he wouldn't return (slightly) used merchandise unless it was defective. Second, he'd never speak that inconsiderately to anyone. Third, he doesn't shop at Sears either.

P.P.S. - Except for all of our kitchen appliances are from there but that's because we wanted to keep them all the same brand but we just order those online. And we don't call the delivery guys "black-haired bitches" ever.

P.P.P.S. - Mostly because they have those crazy muscles. And they aren't really Sears employees anyways. And they aren't bitches cuz they're dudes.

25 comments:

Ryan Ashley Scott said...

Oh I like this story. Some of the things we did as "kids" that we'd be so embarrassed to do now! I think it's sweet - he was trying to take care of you. Also, very funny.

C. Beth said...

Wow--that was a great story! I admire Joe's, um, determination. :)

Yaya said...

Hahaha! I always return stuff I don't likeeben if it's used. One summer I used a big trampoline & then returned it in september when I was done with it!

Fannyfanackapan said...

Oh to be young and reckless! Glad to hear you are reformed characters now :-)

The Wife O Riley said...

I think a "money back guarantee" means just that, your money back.

Have you ever seen "O Brother, Where Art Thou"?

"...And stay out of the Woolsworth!!!"

Critty Critty Bang Bang said...

"Ghetto blaster". I think our dad's were on the same wave links back in the day.
Now, everyone do the Roger Rabbit!!

MyStyles said...

he he he. That's a funny story. I don't think you are missing much by not shopping at Sears.

Seansmoma said...

I enjoyed that. Even though you didn't get your money back at least you got a great story for you blog. :)

Rebecca Jo said...

I totally gasped out loud... in a funny way ... reading this story... that's hilarious!!!!

Intense Guy said...

I detest Sears to no end - and refuse to buy anything from them ever, no matter what.

In my opinion it was the decline of good service is what led to the decline of a lot of department stores - not the cheap prices at Walmart.

P.s., I don't like Walmart much
either.

P.s.s., Do p.s.'s actually work in blogs? Did you save some money? :)

kristi said...

LOL at this post...your hubby sounds like a keeper!

Tortuga said...

ROFL

That's all I gotta say.

ROFL

Unknown Mami said...

Thank you, I was wondering.

blognut said...

Joe is awesome, but I'm not supposed to say that. Am I?

Isabella said...

HAHAHAHAHA! I would have been completely mortified if I was in your shoes.

(and no one is a fan of a perfect halo anyway...just sayin')

Princess Andy said...

i think i kind of like joe a little more after that.

i always knew that he was full of awesome man shit, but that was classic.

also, i'm going to totally call someone a "black haired bitch" today.

andy

p.s. it took me months to go back into a store when i had to leave my groceries due to insufficient funds. so mortifying.

Tina said...

OK I am laughing so hard right now.....I can see you slipping off to the show department and pretending not to know Joe!! LOL

Thanks for sharing I sure needed that laugh.....

human being said...

really enjoyed reading this real story... especially the postscripts...
:)
you are such a good storyteller...

a corgi said...

Joe is definitely a keeper if he would go to bat for you for a refund on a boombox! makes you wonder if this encounter was taped somehow and played for "how to handle irate customers" for new Sears' employees. I'd be tempted to wear a hat and a scarf and sun glasses and attempt to enter the store again.

betty

AmyK. said...

Awesome story! And I've been to Sears since 1996...you haven't missed anything. Honest.

Just say Julie said...

I totally laughed out loud at this! I go the online route so if I do have to return something I just pick put a check in the little box and don't ever have to deal with anyone face-to-face.

slacker-chick said...

Great story Cate - I too would be scooting over to the shoes section! FYI: My hubs still calls boomboxes "ghetto blasters" until I fix him with a "look" anyway.

Susan C said...

Thanks for the laugh! Joe sounds like a keeper : )

Meg said...

LOL! Now, what did you do at KMart?

Tori_z said...

LMAO!

I got banned from a shop too, but for a different reason that wasn't my fault, but they thought it was.