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Thursday, July 23, 2009

Drunk with exhaustion

Walrussian Alert!!! Medical Content Ahead! I tried to post about something else but this is what's on my mind so this is what you get. Also, I've tweeted about it and it's hard to explain in 140 characters.

What's the difference between being calm and being too tired to care?

I think I'm happily settling back into zombie mode. For a few days, I woke up a bit and it seemed nice. But then I cared too much about things and it wore me out. Giving a damn is exhausting!

Yesterday, I saw the doctor for this fantastic video strobe which was totally not what I thought it was going to be. I was all prepared to flip out about numbing my nose and throat so they could run a tube up a nostril and see my throat. Instead, there was no numbing and they poked the hell out of the back of my throat with a laser gun while holding my tongue and making me sing "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!". Seriously. They even recorded video. Horrifying. I almost gagged and barfed on the guy three times or so. I wonder if anyone has actually puked on him? That would suck.

Anyways, he told me afterwards that it's textbook acid reflux. Yay, right? Except I'm on a gazillion meds for reflux so it should be under control.

This is when he busts out our "plan". He's going to put me back on the reflux meds I was on before the insurance had a fit (he can authorize it or something). Then we're going to do a fun 24 hour "esophageal pH test". I'm not even going into the details of that fun; you can read about it here if you feel so inclined. It will measure the amount of acid in my system over a 24 hour period to see how effectively the meds are/aren't working, etc.

He then tells me that if we can't control it through medication and lifestyle, I may need surgery. Again, not going into the specifics because I might just awake my inner give a damn and spaz but here's a linky. Suffice to say it's pretty major and irreversible so that would be second opinion time.

The major concern is that a strong correlation has been drawn between people with long-term uncontrolled acid reflux and esophageal cancer. Which is a very bad diagnosis says Dr. GagMe. I'm going to just trust him on that because Google has already sufficiently creeped me out.

And what I really care about? When do I get to sleep? You can stick tubes anywhere you want. I'll take whatever pills you prescribe. Just when do I get my 8-hour snoozefest?

Anyways, that's the latest chapter in the Life of Cate: She Who Does Not Sleep. My body really hates me. I think there's not a single normal-functioning part in there. And if I take the time to do an inventory and find one? I'm sure it will conk out tomorrow.

In the meantime, I'm going to go back into my sleep-deprivation state that allows me not to care. Where's my "Do Not Disturb... or I'll punch you in the face" sign?


TMC said...

Comment in don't-give-a-damn mode: sucks to be you.

Comment in I'm-trying-hard-to-care mode: I'm so sorry you have an ailment a million other people have.

Comment in I-play-mean-but-I-really-care-about-you mode: I'm so very sorry you're hurting. I hope you'll find some remedy, or at least be able to sleep soundly, soon.

Mrs Cooper said...

Cate, I hope they can figure this out without the surgery so you can get some peaceful sleep. Not sleeping can mess up everything around you. I know.

Princess Andy said...

poor cate:(

heartburn is bad enough, but i only deal with it if i dare to eat too close to bedtime.

that totally sucks.

and i agree with mrs cooper...when you don't sleep every other thing snowballs into unmanageable proportions. we need to find you some shut eye.


Tina said...

Sorry all this is going on and hope to hear that you are feeling better really soon!!!

Snarky A. said...

I hope switching up the meds will help, so you can get some much needed sleep! I totally agree with Mrs Cooper & Andy; Not sleeping just messes with everything.
Feel better!

SparkleFarkle said...

I'm sorry you must ride the Esophageal Rigamaroller Coaster. In this carnival called Life, this is definitely NOT the amusement park get-on to have to be getting on. Acid reflux is truly NO picnic (Like you, but not as severely, my daughter suffers from it as well.); the prescribed "tests' hardly sound like fun, either. You remain in my thoughts and prayers.

Debbi said...

Seriously, this sucks.

I'm sorry for this crappy stuff for you. Crappy words like cancer and surgery are no fun for ANYONE to hear, whether or not it's likely.

And no numbing is just plain mean! YOu SHOULDA thrown up on him, just to teach him a lesson in being NICER when he's gagging you.

**sounds like a porn for fetish puking**

I digress.
I hope these meds help!

blognut said...

So... I'm told you should pant like a dog when something is stuck down your throat and it will prevent you from gagging.

Just saying.

I wouldn't know. :)

Tortuga said...

You poor thing. I hope the test provides good results so things can start looking better for you.

Melissa B. said...

Feel better soon. We're getting a rainy day for the first time in a month...I might hibernate, too!

C. Beth said...

Wow, Cate, I'm so sorry--what a totally frustrating thing you're going through! The test sounds super-annoying but it also sounds like it's a great idea. Hopefully they can come up with a treatment plan that doesn't involve a scalpel.

Ryan Ashley Scott said...

I'm sorry about this suck-ity-sucker-sucky-suck stuff. It really does suck. And blow. It's so bad, it does both. Acid reflux is like torture. I hope they find something to fix it. Now.

mo.stoneskin said...

You are right, giving a damn is so damn tiring.

I went through a period where I cared about everything (taxes, health care, politics, elections, councils, town centres, parking) and wanted to do stuff about it. I just became bitter and exhausted.

Now I don't give a damn...

Tori_z said...

"Giving a damn is exhausting!"

I love that! And it's so true too!


*Hugs* Hope you get some sleep soon, and that you don't end up needing surgery. Doctor trips are bad enough, without hospital ones too! *More hugs*

Kay said...

I hope all goes well and the surgery isn't necessary...

My son had the 24 hour PH probe done, when he was around 4yo. Pain in the ass, yes. But not nearly as bad as we expected. He wound up having the surgery, so if you're looking for some sort of firsthand experience on that if needed or when you come out of sleep deprived I don't give a damn mode, let me know.

But everyone else is right. YOU NEED TO SLEEP. That's making everything so much worse, I'm sure. Can't one of these amazing doctors prescribe a magic Ambien or Lunesta? Take those pills away from me for 2 days and watch me rip some heads off, seriously.

Megan said...

Damn! That is sucky for sure!! I hope the meds do the trick for you!

soulbrush said...

omg cate, i have just been through all of this too....tests, tubes and an endoscopy/gastroscopy under anaesthetic....result..severe reflux which is burning my voice...'take these meds, see me in 6 weeks'....tried meds, side effects were dire...I cannot take meds, so haven't...I have tried to alter the food intake, and am drinking 'aloe vera' juice, and thinkg 'f,,,off' and i don't give a damn.....not going back in 6 weeks, trying to manage it that i am back in control, i am sleeping better...some sleep aids: evening primrose oil, calmettes (homeopathic, help calm you) and st johns wort. let me know how you are getting