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Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Gobbeldygook

Sometimes I fail so brilliantly at communicating. As someone who enjoys writing, it's one of my biggest frustrations, this failure to adequately express what's in my head.

Wisdom comes in determining where the failure occurs. Is it my inability to successfully translate the thoughts in my head to the words that come out of my mouth or onto my blog? Maybe the audience I'm expressing myself to is incapable of hearing the message due to a failure or unwillingness on their end?

I've had several failures to communicate recently. Some have been with my boss. There's one situation where I just know I'm right - I believe the problem lies in that he is only seeing the situation from a technical and political view when I'm trying to sell him on the public relations and marketing view.

Certainly I've struggled to communicate with myself but I know that's a stubborn unwillingness to hear. I'm receiving the message, I know the message is correct, I'm just coming up short in acting on the message.

Unfortunately there have also been some crossed wires in my communications with the husband lately. This is the one where I really don't know wherein the problem lies. It seems to be a very complicated tangle of mixed signals, mixed interpretations, words out of my mouth that don't at all resemble what was intended when the thoughts were formed in my head.

Oddly, this post is the opposite of what I had intended to post today. See, today is the 5th anniversary of Cate Independence Day - a day I strongly communicated a clear and important message to my mother that insisted on boundaries in our relationship. Today is a celebration of me finding the ability to stand up for myself and spell out exactly what I needed and expected in order to carry on any association with each other.

We all have our difficulties in communicating from time to time. I just wish I wasn't suffering from the sensation that I'm speaking in a language that's alien to everyone around me.

20 comments:

Mr. Condescending said...

I suffer in amost every relationship due to bad communication.

I do understand what you mean, I think. I totally agree with people when they say how communication is such an important thing, but It can be sooo difficult getting the right words out sometimes :(

Debbi said...

WOW. I've been reading you for a year!! I remember hearing about Cate Independance Day 4!

Happy 'independaversary'.

Fannyfanackapan said...

Well you seem to be communicating clearly enough today. Sometimes I think when emotions get involved, communications can get tangled. So I always try to take a deep breath, slow down my thought processes and try really hard not to sound shrewish (which apparently I can do).

Getting boundaries clear is so important and you seemed to have managed that OK. Don't be so hard on yourself and happy Cate's independence day.

Princess Andy said...

i think communication issues are one of my "things" too...

and probably the reason as to why i don't keep many friends.

also this is why i am so appreciative for my discovery of the art of writing. because then i can delete and re-do...it doesn't have to come out wrong the first time and be explained.

whatever. i think that sometimes just listening, and not talking, helps to avoid the problem too;)

andy

mo.stoneskin said...

Hekkiejrhbju

Damn.

Lkiuuehy

Damn.

Jokes aside, communication is one of the hardest things in any relationship, especially intimate ones. Maybe they crop up most in the intimate ones simply because they are that. Every now and then my wife and I go though a "bad communication" period, usually involves lots of emotions and finally results in us learning to communicate better.

TMC said...

Good for you, stickin' up for yourself!

Sista Friend said...

Dood, this is how I feel ALL the time. I can NEVER get my point accoss succinctly or clearly and it always ends up in some sort of problem. Nowhere is that more true that the marital relationship. I so admire people who can clearly state what they feel and mean.

Happy independence-versary!

mzbehavin said...

Failing to adequately express what's in my head is one of my best talents...

But as far as what's in YOUR head......

I think you do a pretty great job, for what that's worth....

:-)

Intense Guy said...

I often think I'm speaking albanian or babylonian when I'm with my relatives.

Even nice simple short one syllable words don't work sometimes.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Happy Catedependence Day.

Er...

Happy Incatependence Day.

Um...

Happy Anniversary of Telling Your Mother to Sit on It Day!

Mrs Cooper said...

You are definately communicating well today as Funnyfanackapan said. Communication does work, you just sometimes have to choose your words wisely. You will be respected for saying what's on your mind.

The Wife O Riley said...

Way to go sticking up for yourself and way to go recognizing the communication problem. We cannot better ourselves if we first don't recognize the problem.

But personally, I follow on your blog and on twitter and I don't think you have any trouble communicating.

C. Beth said...

Congratulations on Cate Independence Day! It sounds like that was one of your bigget communications successes.

It's too bad it's not just something where we learn it and--BAM!--we're experts. I think for most of us, learning to communicate is a lifelong process.

blognut said...

I understand you just fine, Cate.

Also? Sometimes the easiest way to say it is to just say it in a nice, unhurtful, factual sort of way. We make communication so much harder than it really has to be. Another thing that works for me when I just can't get through to someone, is to write it down the way I would want to hear it if I were being told the same thing, practice it in my head, and then just say it.

That's my two cents.

Good luck - and congrats on the independence day thing.

Unknown Mami said...

I feel the same way. Sometimes it seems to us that what we are saying is so clear, but when we hear how others have interpreted it- yikes.

I have this issue with my husband too and sometimes I think it has more to do with history than with what I'm actually saying.

I don't know how to fix it. If you figure it out please let me know. Until then stay strong and know that you are doing your best.

Tori_z said...

You're not alone there!

Ryan Ashley Scott said...

It's not us, it's them. Okay, so that doesn't help anything... it just gets me through the day.

Happy Independence Day, Cate!

Ryan Ashley Scott said...

(belated, yes, but still hoping it was happy)

soulbrush said...

you are truly talking my language today in every post i read!!! communicating bah humbug...i am an alien, i feel too deeply, i see through people, and no one 'gets me' sound familiar?...let's talk girl...e mail me....

soulbrush said...

that's probablly why i love blogging, short, easy communicating...haven't had real friends for years...don't actually miss them...does that sound bad?