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Monday, August 17, 2009

Massage *this*

Maybe instead of searching for a new BFF I need to place an ad for a decent massage therapist.
Wanted: One massage therapist. Must not have creaky/popping joints, must not constantly clear throat. Not interested in chatting, just want to relax. Ability to not exclaim "oh geez!" over knots in my neck a plus.
I'm still hunting for the right massage therapist at the clinic nearest to the house.

The first MT (because I'm already tired of typing out "massage therapist") really dug into my neck and shoulders. I asked for her to work on them because of migraines and she definitely did it with a vengeance. She was a bit chatty throughout the massage but it was mostly asking questions about me that could be attributed to learning about my lifestyle for massage purposes. And while not at all relaxing, she did give a decent massage.

The second MT was very quiet to start. I told her I wanted a very relaxing massage (and to stay away from my herpes toe). For the first half of the massage she was quiet other than coughing, clearing her throat, and breathing like Darth Vader. When I rolled onto my back, the talking began. And never stopped. Not just any talking of course. Talking about babies. If there's one conversation in the whole world that is not relaxing to me, it's babies. It would've only been more zen-inducing if she had invited my mother in to observe. She actually stopped massaging several times so she could talk with her hands.

Probably it goes without saying that I punched them both in the face didn't leave large tips for either or great feedback with the front desk. Next month I'll be trying MT #3. I'm sure the right one is out there, I just need to find her.

Joe, of course, loves his MT. He's decided that the reason I haven't found a great one yet is because he's hogging her. Thanks, Joe. Thanks a lot.

21 comments:

Sarah said...

And you cut her pay for every minute she wasn't actually massaging you, right? Gee, maybe a "no talky" sign around your neck next time...

Lyndsay said...

I just had my first experience with a "I'm so excited about chatting that I must stop just for a second while I finish this conversation" massage therapist. I thought about developing a little twitch that might nonchalantly remind her about what I was paying her to do.

I think I left there more tense than when I went in ...

Intense Guy said...

I bet a good punching bag session using the MT might actually be more relaxing.

Good luck with your search for the perfect MT. I used ot have a friend that did okay with them - we went to a learn massage class to get the basics.

Perhaps you could train Joe?

Strange Mamma said...

That sucks! I hate coming away from a massage more tense than I went in. I had given up altogether before I found my most awesome girl in Chicago. Let me know if you live near there. Really. Even just a neighboring state. She's that good.

Snarky A. said...

Good luck finding the perfect MT. I found the perfect one once. On vacation in Hawaii. Typical.

Tori_z said...

Then tell him to quit hogging her, or he'll get the next punch you in the face award. ;)

Moxie said...

You should really get a "You talk, I punch" sign on your forehead. Maybe you'll get better results.

Monica Manning said...

Oh, that's really too bad. I have a great RMT that I see every two weeks. She talks only if I talk. Doesn't 'tsk tsk' at the knot-on-steroids in my right shoulder. And she controls my migraines. God bless her!

Housewife Savant said...

I haven't gotten enough M to need a regular T, but I reckon he/she is as important as a skilled HS, a wise GP, or a D who believes in pain-free techniques.
No one wants a bad hair cut, a medical quackery, or tooth pain.

Big Mama Cass said...

Just the idea of actually getting a "MT" makes me way jealous! ANY massage would be better than NO massage. LOL

Fannyfanackapan said...

I always make my requirements clear at the beginning of a massage. It is not an inexpensive thing to have done and I go to relax and give my twice prolapsed lower lumbar disc a bit of a treat. But mainly to have some time where I don't have to talk or listen to anybody, about anything. So no talky MT

C. Beth said...

It IS hard to find a good MT!! I have had massages from 4 or 5 different people, and I'd say 1 was great (but he ended up being a perv who got arrested), and the others were just so-so.

Dr.John said...

I will do without an MT , talking or quiet. A long hot bath with bubbles relaxes me.

quilly said...

Get an iron on transfer and make yourself a cute little robe with, "You talk, no tip" emblazoned on the back. Make sure to arrange it prominently so the MT can't help but see it. You can also add, "Not tsking, coughing, or breathing will increase your $$."

Sassy Britches said...

Is there openness at the front desk for not just feedback but "requests" (so to speak) about what type of MT you want? You know, so they can match the client with the MT better? I know they do this in mental health, I just didn't know if they do it for massage-y type health.

silver star said...

I would think the STD toe would scare them quiet, but I guess not. Your husband should share his MT w/you, but I'm guessing he's too selfish for that.

blognut said...

You'll find one. Keep looking.

How much are you supposed to tip a massage therapist?

2cats said...

I've never had a massage, so I wouldn't know a good one from a bad one.
Poor me.

Meg said...

Steal her from Joe. Problem solved.

Erin Bassett said...

I'm totally with ya on the no talking, especially about kids (we don't have any yet either)...I've had people go on & on about them & I hate to divulge our private life to them to get them to shut up.

Kay said...

With my herniated disc, I stress VERY clearly at the beginning that it needs to be a relaxing massage, not some deep tissue sports crap - it just hurts too damn much.

Yet every MT I've ever tried seems to feel the need to "fix" my pain - honey, you CAN'T fix it. I'm broken. How bout you just help me not hurt for a bit???