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Thursday, August 20, 2009

The perfect accessory for any outfit

A quick follow-up to Tuesday's post about a medical test I had that day.

I'm not going into all the icky details but I will say it was unpleasant having a tube through my nose and down my throat for 24 hours. I was constantly aware of it and there was no real way to get comfortable. Every swallow, sneeze, or turn of the head pulled the tube ever so slightly, reminding me of the electrical wiring now residing in my esophagus.

On the outside, the tube was taped to my nose, my cheek, and then behind my ear, eventually attaching to a 1980's PDA encased in a really fashionable carrying pouch. I actually weighed this thing - 5.6lbs. It runs on eight AA batteries and I had to wear it around my neck the entire time so I would have access to the buttons:
  • Button 1 (Cough)
  • Button 2 (Heartburn)
  • Button 3 (Hairball)
  • Prone/Recline
  • Begin/End Eat
The idea was to push buttons 1-3 any time I experienced the corresponding symptom. The prone/recline buttons were for any time my torso was not exactly straight up/down. And then the begin/end buttons for any time I ate or drank anything besides water.

What this means is that instead of a usual night of *cough cough cough*, Joe had to listen to *cough cough cough beep beep beep*.

Maybe the lack of sleep is what clouded his judgement when we went in Wednesday morning to have the tube removed. The nurse asked how it went and I told her it was uncomfy but not unbearable. She then asked if I had any strong symptoms.
me: I'm a little disappointed I didn't have more severe symptoms. I had some but I was hopeful the machine would capture some major activity.
Joe: It's like when you take your car to the mechanic. "I swear, it makes a clunky noise!".
me: You did NOT just say I make a clunky noise.
Joe: No, I said the car makes a clunky noise.
me: But I'm the car. You called me clunky! Clunky is not a word you are ever allowed to use to describe me!
Nurse: Umm, you're free to go now.
Better than that is when I relayed the conversation to SomeMonkey:
me: i think he called me a Buick
SomeMonkey: no, a prius
me: omg, are you saying i beep when i backup?
did you just call me fat?
i swear, you're all against me
SomeMonkey: teeny and cute and environmentally friendly
me: and fat!
For the record, SomeMonkey would never call me fat. Or a Prius. Or a Buick for that matter. She's totally got my back.

Also, thanks to all you who offered prayers, positive thoughts, and words of encouragement both here and on Twitter. @religionbites assured me that I wasn't "that bitchy". I think that's a good thing.

Results are next Thursday so we'll see what the future holds. Hopefully no more wiring expeditions down my esophagus.

22 comments:

silver star said...

What a lovely handbag you got to wear around your neck! Thanks again for the laugh (no I don't think your a car), it brighten my mood up a bit.

TMC said...

If the answer to your ailment was to wear that tube and pda all the time, would you do it?

C. Beth said...

They should upgrade their technology--you know, give you an Apple 2GS around your neck instead.

Snarky A. said...

Wow, that is even bigger than the holster monitor Hubby had to wear for 24 hours a few weeks back. And, honestly, what are a few electrode glued to your body, compared to a tube down the throat!
I'm glad it is gone! I hope they figures this stuff out, for you Cate!

Tina said...

They didn't even give you shoes to match? That's just wrong...

There's something at my blog for you...

a corgi said...

oh my gosh, that certainly would not be comfortable at all; I read the details about your test, but I didn't realize it was for 24 hours; no fun at all! I'm with you with the tube in nose feeling too, yuck! hoping that some results do show up; you want something to show up for all that discomfort

its like when I worked in cardiologists' offices years ago and patients wore Holter monitors to monitor their heart rhythms. They were told if they so desired to have a little fun in the bedroom (you get my drift); they would need to record activities in a diary, especially if they had symptoms, similar to how you marked things. It was always fun?? to read their diaries and to see if they had indeed had fun in the bedroom

(I was young then, I would never catch myself doing that now......)

(thanks for telling me the diet really didn't do the expected results; I think I'll keep looking for that perfect one)

enjoy the day

betty

Janet L. Nowlin said...

Oh my goodness, I feel so bad for you having to go through that but you are just too funny in telling the story!

I've found that when you can tell a story in a humorous way, people are much more prone to listen to/read it. I enjoyed your story and now I will follow your future ones. :)

Moxie said...

You're such a trouper. I couldn't do that. The medical tests they put me through is enough. No tubeys, please!

I hope the best for you with the results. Again, hoping for *NOTHING*! ;)

blognut said...

Weren't you worried that there was a detonator attached to all those wires or something?

I would totally worry about that.

Seansmoma said...

Oh my goodness. That sounds absolutely miserable. I'm glad you're done with it.

Kay said...

The husband definitely should have worded that better... but mine would have said the same EXACT thing.

It never fails, that when you WANT a symptom, you don't have it to show proof that you're not insane.

I hope the results are good, and show a clear answer as for what to do next to get you feeling better!!

quilly said...

Oh what fun! The conversations, not the procedure! I've been directing you to my photo blog, but you might have more fun with the He Said - She Said posts on my main blog. They sound a lot like the conversations you just had with your He.

Grand Pooba said...

Holy tube down your throat that sucks! Did you even get any sleep at all? I hope all turns out well Cate!

Hit 40 said...

I agree having a few more symptoms would have helped!! Now you worry that they think that your crazy. Bummer! Hopefully, they caught enough to diagnosis you.

2cats said...

Now I am not saying he called you a car but if he did maybe he meant a Jaguar. You know long, sleek, fast, and beautiful.

Sassy Britches said...

Okay, to heck with the car likenesses (of which there are NONE, btw)...how's that hairball treatin' ya? :P

Kelly's Ideas said...

Best wishes for excellent results.
Love,
Kelly
http://www.ivebecomemymother.com

cherie said...

i am so proud of you for having such a sense of humor! you'll go a long way yet!!!

Strange Mamma said...

24 hours! dear lord! OKay, so not like my experience at all. Please I beg of you, totally disregard yesterday's comment. I mean, really, what do I know? apparently nothing.

On the upside, glad it wasn't 'unbearable'!

Tori_z said...

That nurse seemed in a hurry to get rid of you. LOL!

slacker-chick said...

What a lovely denim covering for the monitor - did they have one in stonewashed too? I hope they will be able to figure out how to help you after putting you through this!

And your dialogues with Joe and SomeMonkey = priceless. :)

scrappysue said...

that doesn't sound pleasant AT ALL!!!