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Friday, October 23, 2009

Male Pattern Baldness

Male Pattern Baldness is not the problem in my house. It's Male Pattern Blindness that seems prevalent.

And by "blindness" I don't only mean a lack of sight but a lack of general awareness.

Why am I the only one who notices that the cat boxes stink to high heaven (what does that even mean?) and need to be scooped? How is it that he doesn't notice the overflowing garbage in the bathroom? Either he doesn't notice that our lawn has reached jungle-status or he really likes the natural and unkempt look. And the pile of things on the stairs that obviously needs to be carried up? He has an amazing talent for walking right over them. Oh, to have long legs...

I once had a teacher in high school, Mr. Butters. He was a genius, some sort of chess master. But he wore the most bizarre, mismatched, raggedy clothes I've ever seen. Everyone judged him, of course, assuming he was poor or colorblind or dirty (or some combination of the three).

He sent a classmate to the office one day for a skirt that was "inappropriate" (way too short). She fired back at him - how dare he think he was qualified to call out her clothing when he dressed like that?!?

The classroom sat in terror and wonder - horrified that she had gone there but just dying for his answer.

"We waste far too much time and thought on unimportant matters. It doesn't matter what I wear, as long as I'm properly covered, because I instead use the time you spend shopping to write my book. Or study languages. Or otherwise contribute to society. I dress this way not because I can't afford better or couldn't try harder, but because I believe my efforts are better spent elsewhere."

I'm sure I butchered that horribly. I seem to remember he quoted Einstein and was a lot more succinct. But you get the point.

Maybe that's the deal with Joe. Too many high-functioning things on his mind to even notice the small stuff like cat litter or an overgrown yard. As someone who spends way too much time hung up on the minutiae, sometimes this is very frustrating to me. But I think I'll make due with his Male Pattern Blindness. All while thanking the stars that Male Pattern Baldness doesn't seem to be in his future.

13 comments:

C. Beth said...

This was deep! (In a good way.) I met with a potential real estate agent a couple of days ago who said she's a nail tech. I found myself wanting to hide my nails which are quite neglected. Maybe I should have said, "Yeah, I don't pay attention to my nails because my mind is on FAR more important, intellectual matters." But that might not have started our relationship off on the best foot....

TMC said...

Sometimes I think that selective blindness runs both ways; I'm pretty sure I've got it. It's a defense mechanism. At any rate, I'm kind of glad my husband's also got it, because I he's much easier to deal with when he's in a fog.

Is that mean? So be it.

SparkleFarkle said...

Men taking selective, Helen Keller-y opportunities definitely gets on my last nerve, as well.

SparkleFarkle said...

Seriously, why can't they see the underwear THEY'VE hung on the bedroom door knob? Heck, they can't even feel it! However do they read Braille???

kys said...

My husband has the same disease. It's going to be fatal for him but he doesn't know it yet.

Grand Pooba said...

Oh that is very common in men, more commen then male pattern baldness. Why oh why do us women have to put up with this?

Matty said...

At the risk of entering the estrogen zone here, I'll put me two cents in on this subject.

On second thought, I think I won't.

I am a wise man.

Seansmoma said...

Oh yes! My husband also suffers from this disease. I agree with kys, if he doesn't do something about it soon it's going to kill him. (Somethings going to kill him anyway!)
Laundry
Dishes
Trash
DVD's
CD's
Games
Everything! He sees nothing! Also, I think he may be losing his hearing. Seems hereditary because I think my son also suffers from that.

The World As I See It said...

LOL I think my husband is the same way. Maybe it is all men!

2cats said...

I blame that blindness on mothers. I don't think mothers have taught their sons to notice the small details of the world around them.
I think that men tend to look at the ceiling when looking for something. That is why they always call to us, "Where is ?????."
The only solution to these problems is for mothers to now teach the next generation of men a new way of doing things.
The correct way.

MrB said...

News flash ladies; it's not that we men don't notice, we just don't care. Don't expect us to think like you do, since we have no idea how a woman's mind works.

We do notice things like that red light on the dashboard. You know, the one you forgot to tell us about, or didn't even pay attention to right before the car broke down.

Ryan Ashley Scott said...

I love what that teacher said. However, I have a sinking feeling that the blindness in my house comes more from laziness.

Jazzbumpa said...

Estrogen inspired stereotypical snarkfest: very disheartening.

Cheers!
JzB the male pattern balding trombonist