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Sunday, November 15, 2009

What I Learned in Cooking Class

Waaaaaaaaaay back on our anniversary, I bought Joe a gift card to a local shop that has cooking classes. We'd talked about doing this forever as we both enjoy cooking and thought it would be something fun to do together. Somehow, we never actually did it so I decided to buy him the gift card, thus ensuring we'd finally make a reservation.

Our class was yesterday and we had a blast. It was a bread-making class. I showed up, ready to dump my ingredients in the bread machine and hit "start" (what, that's not how you make bread?) and learned some interesting things.
  • Everything sounds awesomer if you say it with a French accent.
  • Apparently, you can make bread without a bread machine!!! Who knew?
  • Dough is sticky, y'all. And a lot of work. Where's my bread machine?
  • If you have a mild panic attack on the way to class and take a xanax, you'll become so chill you'll forget you even took the xanax. Then you'll gladly drink the glass of wine you're offered at class and be super-duper-loopy.
  • The above is the kind of situation that leads Joe to believe I shouldn't be unsupervised in the kitchen.
  • Ever.
  • French bakers hopped up on percoset are FUN, WHEE!!!!
  • That awkward "oh man, I'm doing it wrong, let's make a joke because I feel like an idiot" feeling from high school still exists even in professional adults.
  • Sometimes the dough is so sticky and you think it will never end and it's all stuck on your hands and you discover an entirely new way to feel claustrophobic.
  • Don't ask the French dude if he has any chocolate chips or cheese to add to the bread. He's medicated and French and a little punchy.
But probably the number one thing I learned at cooking class? "Artisan" and "rustic" are both cooking words that mean "lumpy".

Still, my lumpy Rustic French Country Bread turned out very yummy. And no, I'm not willing to share. If there's one thing I learned from the French dude, it's that it's totally cool to be stabby as long as you say it with an accent. Besides, I put a lot of blood, sweat, and xanax tears into that bread. And a lot of swearing love.

P.S. My bread was much less "rustic" than Joe's. I think he was petting it instead of kneading it.

14 comments:

Nessa said...

This reminds me of going to classes in college after hitting the bars at lunch. Boring became very funny.

Sunny Sunday #6 - Color Me Sunny

jabblog said...

Very funny!
Incidentally does xanax in your rustic bread have the same effect as cannabis?

Matty said...

Nothing like some humor in your bread making. I once bought the wife a break maker that SHE asked for, and I think she used it twice.

Glad you "learned" some things about bread making.

soulbrush said...

that is oe thing i have no desire to do- ever! a cooking class -cos all my stuff would be uber rustic!

chickadee51 said...

Hey, I like the idea of a cooking class while spaced out on drugs because a cooking class sober just sounds boring. Glad you had a good time and maybe your husband is right. You should be supervised while in the kitchen. Togetherness is a good thing.

kys said...

Can I call my body 'artisan' or 'rustic'? (Cuz it's totally lumpy.)

Jaqueline said...

lol, I just love your posts.. Je aime les "poteaus"! (french sounds better but I suck at it!) =D

Brenda Susan said...

You are so funny! My last cooking class was in Jr High & I knew then that cooking was not my thing. Now I do not cook, I may heat stuff up, but cook? nope!

That corgi :) said...

sounds like fun!! Xanax and wine, that's a great combination :)

seriously, glad you and Joe could spend some fun time together like this and then enjoy the fruits of your labors with the bread :)

betty

C. Beth said...

Yummmmmmy. Fresh bread. You KNOW I like fresh bread. :)

2cats said...

I went to chef school. We often went out and drank our lunch before we had to serve and prepare dinners for the big-wigs. That was fun (not).

How do you make the cross outs over some of your words?

Just say Julie said...

That sounds like an interesting class. I have too many home ec nightmares to go back to a cooking class. Which could explain a while lot now that I think about it...

And I lurve my bread machine! I don't think I could do anything dough related without it.

mo.stoneskin said...

You can cook while all super-duper-loopy?

Kaylen said...

I think most things are more fun when on some kind of legal medication. Wait, does that make me sound like a drug addict?
I said LEGAL kind!! That makes it okay!!