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Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Angry

I hate feeling angry. I also hate hating. Such a waste of energy in a negative manner.

But if it truly takes the same amount of energy to love or be calm, why do I keep feeling the anger? Maybe I'm just that well-practiced.

It's like how they say "it takes x muscles to smile and x+y muscles to frown," arguing that smiling takes less energy or work. Except you know that whole thing is crapola because the numbers in the saying change with every version.

Plus, you know, the practice.

I'm late posting this morning because everything I think about to post is leaning towards angry or negative. So I'm just going to call myself out on it right here and get it out of my system.

I'm angry that:
  • my foot is in a lot of pain for no reason I can determine
  • my back has been bothering me now for several days
  • I'm grossly overweight and hurting too much to go workout
  • lately I've been losing things around the house
  • I have much to do and little motivation
  • I left out the best part of the story in yesterday's post
  • gifts I sent the family for Christmas were barely acknowledged, nevermind receiving any thanks for them
  • I can't do everything myself
There, maybe now I can move on to do something more productive with the rest of my day. Anything you need to get out?

8 comments:

Autumn said...

i hear ya! My back shoulder is killing me, I gained 10 pounds since Friday, people keep asking if I've found a job yet (no.... I havent....thanks for reminding me) All I want to do is sleep or eat and neither of those things will make me feel any better in the long run. I could work out but I have no real motivation today, seriously all I wanna do is sleep. Mom calls this the "after Christmas blues" I cant wait for spring.....grrrrrr and rawr

Mama Zen said...

I think that lack of motivation is going around!

soulbrush said...

you know me, I HATE DECEMBER! and bah humbug and grrrrrrr!!!

uthostage said...

I was so angry last night too. It took me hours to write about it and get it out, and I'm not even sure I even did it justice. But when I woke up this morning, I felt less angry, which is good.

I hope that getting it out helps you too. Hang in there!

The Brown Recluse said...

Yeah...started my diet today. *yawn* I'd get angry that I need to lose weight, but it takes too much energy.
The pain thing? I can sympathize with you more than you'll ever know.
~Margaret

2cats said...

Anger? Mine? Oh yes.
I am angry because my husband informed me that he will no longer help with household chores. I mean c'mon he lives here too. And doesn't go anywhere to do anything.
I am angry because I have to do everything alone because he can't leave the house without massive amounts of anti-anxiety drugs (adivan).
I am angry that he is old and I am not.

P.S. Next year don't send any gifts and let them wonder why.

Rena said...

Massive amount of anger for me too lately. I think it takes a lot MORE energy to stay calm. Or at least to *pretend* to be calm

Let's hope 2010 is better. (even though much probably isn't going to change in a day, it's symbolic and blah blah blah...)

Beth said...

Good for you to get it out of your system!