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Tuesday, December 08, 2009

How to Sucker the Husband Into Cooking Dinner

Here is my 100% fool-proof (because if ever there was a fool, it would be me) plan to spring the husband into dinner-making action.

8:30am - Text the husband. "Forgot my meds this am. Gonna be quite the day"
11:00am - Update Facebook status. "Cate is freezing in her office. Also, my head is starting to pound."
2:15pm - Turn to Twitter. Multiple tweets about how you are praying for the arrival of 5pm so you can drag your poor throbbing head home to your migraine meds. Lament about the cleaning you had planned for the evening and how you just don't know how you'll manage to do anything when you're in such pain.
6:17pm - As soon as you hear the garage door, switch off the tv and jump into bed, lights off, pulling the ice pack over your head as you yank the slanket over your pajamas. When the husband comes in and asks how you are doing, moan unintelligibly as if he just woke you up.

If the husband has any brains at all the will to continue living a dislike for sleeping on the couch a heart, he will go downstairs and prepare dinner, without being "asked".

Also, you need to realize I have left out the years of doctors' visits, medications, and headaches leading up to this actual day, all of which set the groundwork for a night off in the kitchen.

P.S. Joe actually loves to cook so we both routinely make meals. However, if your husband is not as awesome as Chef Joe, the above method may be worth a try.

P.P.S. I did have a real migraine last night. So I wasn't making it up. But it did occur to me that this would totally work if I just wanted a night off.

Please note, times are approximate. Results may vary depending on husband's resistance to sleeping alone. Technically, microwaved mac and cheese does count as a meal. No cats were harmed in the making of this post, except for Tonya who insists on being underfoot and may have inadvertently had her tail stepped on.

12 comments:

Cindy said...

Well this won't work for me exactly since there's no longer a husband on the premises as his adulterous ass lives with his slut-ho-bag. But it's okay, my son will make us a nice pan of mac & cheese and maybe a few microwaved chicken nuggets!

Hope your day is alright and you get home to your meds in time to avert a horrible evening.

blognut said...

LOL at Cindy's comment - good luck with the chicken nuggets!

I don't have to resort to this sort of scheming to get my husband to cook, but I'll probably plot to harm you if you share this post with him because I don't want to cook dinner or look like a heartless jerk for refusing!

Nessa said...

Very funny. You are quite the conniver and a prodigious planner.

Yes, We Have No Bananas

Sharon said...

Since everything my husband cooks turns out burnt, that wouldn't have worked for me if I wanted to eat anything that even remotely resembles real food.

Sorry you had a headache but glad you still have your sense of humor! :o)

Seansmoma said...

Well thought out plan. Unfortunately, it would never work with my husband. Particularly now that he's been told to stay sitting with his leg up. (I've already told him that when he's well he's waiting on me for a solid two weeks and I mean EVERYTHING!)

Michele said...

You crack me up. That was so funny. Microwaved mac&cheese does not a meal make, but neither does the candycane I gave Trinity last week for breakfast because of a migrane as well. LOL

Hope you're feeling better soon. ;)

Jessica said...

♫ Did you ever know that you're my heroooooooo???? ♫

LMAO, Cate. You are too funny.

Sorry about the migranes though! Booo! Hope you feel better soon!

Matty said...

Thanks for the tip off.

C. Beth said...

Excellent plan. I'm not sure if my husband will believe the migraine bit but I bet I can come up with a substitute illness. Like "Reallytiredofbeingamomtodayitis"

Tiffany said...

OMG you crack me up! My husband and I have a routine that goes just like this: (him):what do you want for dinner (me):silence (him - in a whiney horrible imitation of me): i don't know what do you want for dinner, well I don't know what about you, no you tell me (me):thanks for finishing that up let me know what you want

it's awesome that he will finish the conversation without me now lol

That corgi :) said...

sorry about the migraine; that is never fun

cute post though

hubby does all our cooking here; I help prepare sometimes but he actually enjoys cooking which is fine with me :)

betty

CambridgeLady said...

Ha ha - love it :o) My hubby would be down the fish 'n' chip shop ..... actually that sounds rather nice. Better go and update my Facebook status!