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Monday, August 31, 2009

Irrational Fear: Recliners

We've spent a lot of time recently shopping for recliners. The whole idea is that since I can't sleep flat (or with my incline pillow) and it's not comfortable to sleep sitting straight up, maybe the recliner would be a nice compromise. A padded, comfy, partially reclining compromise.

Finally, (I am skipping the WHOLE long story here even though that story makes me a hero), we found a good deal on a reclining sofa and reclining loveseat set. Since the cats have been rough on the old set and the price was right for replacement, we jumped on it. They'll be delivered today, Monday. (See how tricky I am about that considering I'm writing this on Sunday night? Brilliant!)

I may have subconsciously sabotaged the early part of the search because I'm actually afraid of recliners. See, recliners (in my experience) are where old people go to die. Everyone in my mother's family either died in their recliner or spent their last few months living in the chair because they couldn't sleep flat.

Grampa scooped himself a bowl of his favorite ice cream, sat down in his recliner, major heart attack. Game over. I can't eat vanilla ice cream with cherries anymore.

Gramma had advanced emphysema due to smoking which meant no lying down flat for her. Cough cough cough! I can relate - to the coughing, not to the smoking. She lived in her recliner until her final hospital stay. Still begging for another cigarette.

Great-gramma died in her recliner at 87 years old. Not a clue who she was or where she might be but that woman loved her cookies!

See what I mean? I'm more afraid of recliners than I am of hospital beds!

This is why I think I finally agreed to Joe's over-the-top decision to buy a reclining loveseat and sofa. They may recline but they're different from the Chairs of Death.

Now if we can just get someone to buy our two perfectly-good slightly-used loveseats from us. Because 3 loveseats, 1 sofa, 1 piano, 1 entertainment cabinet and 2 crazy cats = way too much furniture for my living room.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Jealous

Main Entry: jeal·ous
Pronunciation: \ˈje-ləs\
Function: adjective

1 a: intolerant of rivalry or unfaithfulness b: disposed to suspect rivalry or unfaithfulness
2: hostile toward a rival or one believed to enjoy an advantage
3: that feeling I have as I listen to Joe snore on the sofa and watch Rusty and Tonya both curled up in little kitty-balls as they dream about mice or tuna or bubbles

Why is everyone in the world sleeping? Except me...

What simple thing do you find yourself a bit jealous of today?

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Six Word Saturday

Let's do it! describe your life (or something) in a phrase using just six words. For more information, try clicking here.

My six words:
it's okay to feel stabby sometimes

Special thanks to my pal B for so elegantly putting into (six) words just how I am feeling

All that's necessary to participate is to post your own six words. You can post an explanation if you wish but it's certainly not required. If you play along in your blog, please add a link to the Mr. Linky. I appreciate a link back (shiny code below if you like!) but I'm not going to delete your entry or punch you in the face if you don't. Otherwise, you're welcome to leave your six words in this post as a comment.



Friday, August 28, 2009

Friday Full of Happy #2

I'm resorting to a "Friday Full of Happy" for today's post for two reasons:
  • Nothing else is coming to mind
  • I'm not feeling particularly happy so it would probably serve me well to look for some warm & fuzzy
So, what do I have to be happy about on this dreary Friday?

- My doctor's appointment went better than expected yesterday. The pH test results weren't as bad as anticipated and the doc is very on-board with pursuing other options besides jumping straight to surgery.

- I have great veins according to the nurse that took my blood this morning for a follow-up test.

- I got free breakfast (orange juice and a cookie) after having by blood drawn because I blacked out afterwards.

- The new sofa and loveseat (all nicely reclining) will be delivered on Monday, hopefully providing me with a better sleep situation. And because I was all fired up, I managed to save us $200 off the sale price AND get it delivered on Monday instead of the end of September.

- My vacation is very near.

- My sister, Tina, will be having a girl this time around. Yay for cute girl clothes!

Eh, it might not be a great list but there are a few things in there to be happy about. And, of course, it's Friday.

What's making you full of happy today? Please share - it makes me happy to read your happies!

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Certified Dork

A couple of months ago, Joe was given a "Special Award" at work.
As one of our organization’s top performers and leading contributors, you have been selected to receive a special award in the amount of $1337 in recognition of your outstanding performance and achievements during the past year.
Congrats to Joe on being awesome! But of course I couldn't just leave it at that.
me: you got a dork award
Joe: huh?
me: you know what 1337 is, right?
Joe: 1K b4 tax?
me: no
well, maybe
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leet
Joe: hmm
me: that's the geekiest thing ever
not complaining, but seriously
In the current economic climate, I'm thrilled that Joe has a job and that he's respected and valued by the executive hamster wranglers. I also realize any award or recognition is a big deal when they're constantly reducing staff. But could the amount BE any dorkier? (I totally said that in my best Chandler Bing voice - try it, it's fun!)

Whatever. The money was green and I we had no problem spending it on books and shoes our lightning damages.

P.S. No, it was NOT $1k after the taxes were taken out. Wishful thinking, dear husband.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

A few corrections at the office

Acid reflUx, not acid reflEx. My reflex right now? Punch you in the face.

It's scape goat, not escape goat. You blame it, not run away on it.

Nutrition vs attrition: Nutrition involves the nourishment we receive from our food. Attrition is when we don't backfill a position once someone is fired or resigns/retires/dies. If we're losing employees due to nutrition, we're going to see a big increase in our insurance premiums.

Thank you for your patients. Patience is what we want people to have when it takes awhile for us to fix their printer. Patients are what we want to have if we are employed as doctors.

Also, please be on the lookout for gruntled employees. And next time you screw up, you are going to be reprimanned. No, not reprimanded. Reprimanned.

My job may not always carry a heavy workload but I like to think my salary reflects a decent amount of hazard pay.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Your witness, counselor

Rusty and Tonya are preparing their post for First Fursday but they'd like your help.

Do you have any questions for the fuzzbutts? Something you're just dying to know about their daily life? Favorite color? Their view on world peace? What would they do for a Klondike bar? Boxers or briefs?

You can leave your questions in the comments here, email me, tweet me, whatever you like. Just please send them by Friday night because they need to write the post this weekend.

(Maybe one of you can convince Rusty to spill the beans on why he keeps running across the kitchen counter even though he knows better?)

Let the interrogation begin...

Monday, August 24, 2009

Meet Gwen

Bloggy friends, meet Gwen. Gwen, meet my bloggy friends. You'll be seeing quite a bit of each other in the near future.

Gwen is my brand-spanking new BlackBerry Tour. Joe's had a BlackBerry Storm since early in the year but that thing hates me. And, really, the feeling is quite mutual. Still, the idea of having access to my email and data was quite alluring.

Finally he threatened called a rep a "black-haired b!tch" sweet-talked someone into letting me upgrade a month ahead of schedule. BOOYAH!

And now, rather than constantly refer to "my BlackBerry", I just call her Gwen. She's my new BFF - she'll keep me company at doctor's appts (two this week alone!) and while sitting at work when the interwebz are down.

Gwen has already been delivering email to some of you on my behalf. And my Twitter pals have made her acquaintenance over the weekend while I set up all her awesomeness.

She'll also be going on vacation with us - hope Joe doesn't mind the third wheel! Of course, he brought her into our lives so I guess he'll have to make nice. No doubt he'll be bringing Bart (his Storm) so it's only fair!

So everyone say hello to Gwen. She's a wee bit sexier than my other tech device from last week, right? Let's make her feel welcome.

This is not a paid advertisement.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Eat it!

Remember when I had a blog about food called FeastMyFace? And then remember when I saw something shiny and got fed up after about five minutes and destroyed it?

Well, it's back. I don't know how regularly I'll post there but I have had lots of thoughts about food, drink, recipes, fresh produce, and other related topics over the past few months so I've missed it a bit.

Anyways, if you're interested, FeastMyFace is public again with a brand new post about Amish Friendship Bread.

If you're not interested, you may continue to just come here for my daily spew of whateverness. But you are not free to quit coming here because that would make me cry. Do you really want to make me cry?

P.S. I think you all know what happens it you make me cry.
P.P.S. The answer is no, you do not want to make me cry.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Six Word Saturday

You know what to do by now - describe your life (or something) in a phrase using just six words. For more information, try clicking here.

My six words:

Let's never do that again, okay?

All that's necessary to participate is to post your own six words. You can post an explanation if you wish but it's certainly not required. If you play along in your blog, please add a link to the Mr. Linky. I appreciate a link back (shiny code below if you like!) but I'm not going to delete your entry or punch you in the face if you don't. Otherwise, you're welcome to leave your six words in this post as a comment.



Friday, August 21, 2009

Isn't ghost hunting kinda backwards?

On Wednesday night, I watched a show that is new to me, Ghost Hunters. However, even though I hadn't seen this particular show before and I was not familiar with this specific crew of investigators, the genre never seems to change.

First, they go somewhere with a spooky history. A local historian/employee/family member tells the team about the supposed hauntings experienced there. The team then sets up a lot of monitoring equipment, splits into smaller groups, and turns out all the lights to wander around in the dark.

The ghost hunters visit specific creepy areas, calling out names, beckoning the spirits to communicate in some way. Then when they hear a noise, the jump like little girls, pee themselves, and then ask each other if they heard that. In the end, they almost always find at least some evidence to support the specific stories.

Isn't this the worst possible way to conduct a supposedly scientific investigation?

It's the equivalent of calling Sears and telling them your fridge died. The repair dude may take a look, the light doesn't come on, it isn't cooling and he agrees that the fridge is no longer functional. After the new one is ordered, it won't turn on either! And you realize it's because your house is haunted the breaker has flipped or popped or whatever it is that breakers do. But of course repair dude never checked that because you told him the fridge had expired.

It seems that if these "scientists" really wanted to conduct an above-board investigation, at most they might ask the local expert for a few areas to focus on. They can then wander around in the dark, monitor, attempt to call out spirits, and then, after reviewing their data for anomalies, talk to the expert for specific stories. The final step would be showing the data to the local to see if any of it lined up.

The show would have to be edited a lot differently but it could work. That is, assuming these guys are for real. What? Why has nobody thought of this before? Probably because I'm just that brilliant it would expose their lies. And more importantly, ruin the fun of the scary show that people (including me) seem to enjoy so much.

P.S. It is totally fine that I drew a correlation between ghost hunters and repair guys even though I objected to Joe drawing a correlation between me and a Buick. Because this is MY blog. And also I didn't call anyone clunky!

Thursday, August 20, 2009

The perfect accessory for any outfit

A quick follow-up to Tuesday's post about a medical test I had that day.

I'm not going into all the icky details but I will say it was unpleasant having a tube through my nose and down my throat for 24 hours. I was constantly aware of it and there was no real way to get comfortable. Every swallow, sneeze, or turn of the head pulled the tube ever so slightly, reminding me of the electrical wiring now residing in my esophagus.

On the outside, the tube was taped to my nose, my cheek, and then behind my ear, eventually attaching to a 1980's PDA encased in a really fashionable carrying pouch. I actually weighed this thing - 5.6lbs. It runs on eight AA batteries and I had to wear it around my neck the entire time so I would have access to the buttons:
  • Button 1 (Cough)
  • Button 2 (Heartburn)
  • Button 3 (Hairball)
  • Prone/Recline
  • Begin/End Eat
The idea was to push buttons 1-3 any time I experienced the corresponding symptom. The prone/recline buttons were for any time my torso was not exactly straight up/down. And then the begin/end buttons for any time I ate or drank anything besides water.

What this means is that instead of a usual night of *cough cough cough*, Joe had to listen to *cough cough cough beep beep beep*.

Maybe the lack of sleep is what clouded his judgement when we went in Wednesday morning to have the tube removed. The nurse asked how it went and I told her it was uncomfy but not unbearable. She then asked if I had any strong symptoms.
me: I'm a little disappointed I didn't have more severe symptoms. I had some but I was hopeful the machine would capture some major activity.
Joe: It's like when you take your car to the mechanic. "I swear, it makes a clunky noise!".
me: You did NOT just say I make a clunky noise.
Joe: No, I said the car makes a clunky noise.
me: But I'm the car. You called me clunky! Clunky is not a word you are ever allowed to use to describe me!
Nurse: Umm, you're free to go now.
Better than that is when I relayed the conversation to SomeMonkey:
me: i think he called me a Buick
SomeMonkey: no, a prius
me: omg, are you saying i beep when i backup?
did you just call me fat?
i swear, you're all against me
SomeMonkey: teeny and cute and environmentally friendly
me: and fat!
For the record, SomeMonkey would never call me fat. Or a Prius. Or a Buick for that matter. She's totally got my back.

Also, thanks to all you who offered prayers, positive thoughts, and words of encouragement both here and on Twitter. @religionbites assured me that I wasn't "that bitchy". I think that's a good thing.

Results are next Thursday so we'll see what the future holds. Hopefully no more wiring expeditions down my esophagus.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

300 times, at band camp...

Hey remember that time I posted about why pandas suck? Or maybe the time I posted about the <3 cakes?

Today is post #300 on this blog. And to apologize for celebrate all of the stuff I've posted, I want to compile a sort of "greatest hits" page to link from my Twitter profile. I saw the idea on SITS a week or so ago and thought it made sense. But I need your help. What posts have stood out for you? Some of you have been following me for awhile now. (Again, I feel like I should apologize.)

You guys make it all worth it. Whether I'm being silly, whining about stupid stuff, sharing an actual legit concern, or mumbling about celery, y'all have got my back. And I've got yours with a swift punch to the face for anyone that messes with my people.

There are going to be a few changes coming soon but I'll explain as they happen. Nothing too major so you can definitely live in fear of count on another 300 posts!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Nothing

This is a post about nothing.

I spend a lot of time thinking about nothing. Writing about nothing. Worrying about nothing. Accomplishing nothing.

Today I'm posting about nothing. Because I'm writing this on Monday night and all I can really think about is the medical test I'm having tomorrow. It's not the test that concerns me - it's the results.

Maybe it will turn out to be nothing. I'm good at nothing. Big fan.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Massage *this*

Maybe instead of searching for a new BFF I need to place an ad for a decent massage therapist.
Wanted: One massage therapist. Must not have creaky/popping joints, must not constantly clear throat. Not interested in chatting, just want to relax. Ability to not exclaim "oh geez!" over knots in my neck a plus.
I'm still hunting for the right massage therapist at the clinic nearest to the house.

The first MT (because I'm already tired of typing out "massage therapist") really dug into my neck and shoulders. I asked for her to work on them because of migraines and she definitely did it with a vengeance. She was a bit chatty throughout the massage but it was mostly asking questions about me that could be attributed to learning about my lifestyle for massage purposes. And while not at all relaxing, she did give a decent massage.

The second MT was very quiet to start. I told her I wanted a very relaxing massage (and to stay away from my herpes toe). For the first half of the massage she was quiet other than coughing, clearing her throat, and breathing like Darth Vader. When I rolled onto my back, the talking began. And never stopped. Not just any talking of course. Talking about babies. If there's one conversation in the whole world that is not relaxing to me, it's babies. It would've only been more zen-inducing if she had invited my mother in to observe. She actually stopped massaging several times so she could talk with her hands.

Probably it goes without saying that I punched them both in the face didn't leave large tips for either or great feedback with the front desk. Next month I'll be trying MT #3. I'm sure the right one is out there, I just need to find her.

Joe, of course, loves his MT. He's decided that the reason I haven't found a great one yet is because he's hogging her. Thanks, Joe. Thanks a lot.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Time for some punch!

It's been far too long since I last bestowed any "Punch in the Face" awards. Let's see who the morons award winners are today!

Dear Library,

On August 2nd, I visited a bookstore. Rather than spend Joe's my money on several books, I searched your offerings and found that you could supply one! Even though I would have to request the book since all copies were checked out, I did so while feeling quite proud that for once I had saved a few dollars instead of turning over Joe's my entire paycheck to Amazon like I usually do.

Today is August 16th. There are now four copies overdue. One copy was returned at another location and given to someone else who had put in a hold request after me. I'm very disappointed in you and will not be thanking you in the cover of my own book when I write it some day. In fact, I'm going to make sure you aren't allowed to have a copy at all.

See if I ever make another donation of Joe's money to you,


Dear Facebook,

I really don't need to know that Rob became a supporter of Sarah Palin. Or that Vicky is a fan of naps and loves her husband. I won't sleep better tonight knowing that Sue voted for "God" in the "Universe Creation" poll and it added nothing to my life finding out that Adam is a fan of Cocoa Puffs. I also could've existed forever without the knowledge that Jose found a lost cow on his property in Farmville.

Still, you feel the need to tell me things incessantly. Why can't you give me the option to block all fan/support/quiz notifications? Instead, you make me block my friends because they are too stupid to realize these things make me deeply dislike them just a little.

So thank you, Facebook, for enabling people I haven't spoken to in years an opportunity to bumper sticker their lives with small bits that make me hope it's even more years before I speak to them again.

I'm a fan of laser-shooting robot armadillos,

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Six Word Saturday

Here's how it works - describe your life (or something) in a phrase using just six words. For more information, try clicking here.

My six words:

Those "perfect" people make me uncomfortable

All that's necessary to participate is to post your own six words. If you do so in your blog, please add a link to the Mr. Linky. I appreciate a link back (shiny code below if you like!) but I'm not going to delete your entry or punch you in the face if you don't. Otherwise, you're welcome to leave your six words in the post as a comment.



Friday, August 14, 2009

Friday Full of Happy

I really struggled with a topic for today's post. This has been a really hard week for me and yesterday started off exceptionally bad. Last night, I spent at least two hours staring at a blank 'new post' page, trying to think of anything at all I could write about.

Nada.

So this morning on the drive to work, I decided I'd focus on some good things. Hence, Friday Full of Happy. We'll see, this may become a somewhat regular thing. Fridays tend to be hard days for me to come up with posts and I can almost always benefit from taking stock of the good stuff.

I do, however, feel it's important to mention that Princess Andy's happy hole and my happy are quite unrelated I think.

Here goes!

Happy...
  • Despite not having any nearby besties, I have some of the best online buds in the world.
  • Special shout to a certain online friend for saving me from a complete meltdown yesterday. Your logical approach while still getting fired up on my behalf made an immeasurable difference.
  • In preparation for next week's acid test, I wasn't allowed to take any of my reflux meds yesterday - and I slept like a rock. It makes no sense but I'll take it!
  • I have no plans this weekend except for a massage tomorrow afternoon.
  • I'm feeling creative this morning and have great hopes for placing several posts in reserves.
  • Tonight I get to swear and scream at Joe under the guise of him performing the "every third day" maintenance on my toe herpes.
  • Speaking of toe herpes, cute Blogger guy responded to me again yesterday! Then SomeMonkey pointed out that he's married with three kids. So now I'm basically a homewrecker. With an STD on my foot.
  • Tonya let me cuddle with her this morning for a whole five minutes before she swatted me away.
  • I got a raise! It ain't much but I can probably afford a box of wine to celebrate.
Know what else would make me happy? There's this little blog I read. She doesn't post regularly but when she does, it's made of awesome. Plus, she gave me a bit of linky love in a really funny post yesterday. So go visit Sarah's blog, Oh, What the Crap, and add her to your blogroll.

And when you're done over there, head back this direction for Six Word Saturday tomorrow. We had a record number of participants last week and I'm so excited!

I think that's enough happy for one morning. I don't want to overdo it. But please leave a comment and tell me what's making you happy. Even if it's just the fact that we survived until another Friday, there must be something!

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Wanted: One BFF

Ever consider placing an ad on Craigslist for friends? I've thought about it from time to time and it freaks me out. How pathetic must a person be to go online begging for real-life friends? I guess as pathetic as me.

I moved to my current undisclosed location about nine years ago and I really have no friends here. This is at least in part due to my history - I always feel like I'm the one in the relationship making all of the effort so I just say screw it because maybe they just aren't interested. So I haven't exactly retained a lot of long-term real-life friendships and it seems like a lot of effort with probably no payoff to form new ones.

Consider me the champ of online friendships though. Sisterfriend, for example, has been my online bud since 1999 at least. And our plans to run away and join a convent are coming along quite nicely.

Somehow despite my social phobia I also do reasonably well with friends due to proximity. More acquaintances really, but I make it work. You are on a committee with me? Ok, I get along with you. Oh, you are my husband's classmate's wife? Sure, let's hang when the guys get together. But it ends there.

I've tried Meetup.com and found it very frustrating. We had no luck with the local couples groups. Either they all have kids and want to go to Chuck E Cheese or they're baby-haters. We don't have kids at the moment but might want to eventually. Why bother making friends only to be shunned if we reproduce?

And then there's the girls groups I've checked into. Even the ones that say they're open to both married and single women, kids/no kids seem to be all single chicks. Single unemployed chicks. How else are they meeting regularly on Tuesday nights starting at 10pm for karaoke or trivia night at a bar. Oh, and the 30-something guys group will be there too, by the way.

So if you don't have kids or you aren't a whore (despite your foot herpes), how do you make friends?

Every so often I read the "strictly platonic" section on Craigslist, w4w. How do you determine your new BFF from such a short description? It feels very judgey.

Then I consider maybe leaving it up to fate. Posting my own ad, seeing who contacts me. But what if nobody does? What if they're all stalkers? What if someone contacts me and I hate them? Or I'm too spazzed to meet them?

Besides, what would I even say?
Married woman who hates job, has no direction in life and has lots of free time but is terrified to leave her house and meet people seeks BFF for hanging out and chatting with but only sometimes. Don't currently have kids but might want to so added bonus if you'd coordinate a pregnancy with me so we can share the experience.

C'mon, you know you'd respond right away. Right?

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Sticking my (STD) foot in my mouth

You may have read about my STD yesterday. Chances are, however, that you read it much later than I posted it. This has been a recurring issue for me - I post something and then hours later it actually shows up in anyone's blog readers. My STD post took almost four full hours to make its way out into the world.

You know you're a failure when you can't even successfully spread herpes.

In a moment of frustration, I tweeted @Blogger seeking assistance. One of my favorite tweeters, @rklau from the Blogger team, responded. If only I would forward him my blog url and feed url, he would gladly take a look.

There are two reasons I like him, by the way. The first (and main reason) is that he always responds to my questions that I fear will never be heard out in the darkness, usually with very specific and helpful information. The second is that his Twitter avatar leads me to believe he might be sorta cute.

So of course as soon as I sent him the information he needed, the post magically showed up in my Google Reader. My joy was short-lived when I realized "I've just sent the cute Blogger guy to my blog - and my entry today is announcing that I have an STD."

Oh. No. I. Didn't. Except that I totally did.

In a panic, I replied to him one last time:
Ok, thanks so much for taking a look. And I don't really have an STD. bc now I'm kinda mortified..."

He never replied to that. Probably because he never noticed the specifics of my post. So now he thinks I'm just some random scary girl sending him messages about STDs.

I'll never hear from him again, I'm sure. In fact, I'll be lucky if Twitter doesn't suspend my account for being a skanky sex spammer.

P.S. The delay of my blog (and apparently others because contrary to my beliefs, it isn't all about me) reaching Google Reader is some known communication issue between the two that they're working on. Umm, dude, Google owns both Blogger and Reader. Surely someone knows someone that can fix this?

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

I have an STD (Update)

Yesterday, my doctor told me I have HPV which is an STD. Now, since Joe and I both profess to have been virgins when we were married and claim to have been faithful all these decades eons years, you might wonder how this happened. Likely, the STD was picked up in a hotel. And I'm the one at fault.

Nope, it's not quite what you're probably thinking. I've had a weird bump thingy under my toe for the past year or so. If I happen to smack it or step on something wrong, it's like needles shooting up through my body from my teensy toe into my teensy brain. Yeah, I realize a year is sorta a long time to not have something like that taken care of but I was a bit busy dealing with reflux and not sleeping and spazzing the hell out and crazy therapists, thankyouverymuch. (I'd link to some "spazzing out" but that's pretty much the whole blog - pick a post at random, it likely proves my point.)

Anyways, turns out the bump is a plantar's wart, caused by HPV. So I have an STD on my foot. Except my foot is a virgin as far as I know. Ew, that's gross now that I think about it. More likely I picked it up waltzing around barefoot in a hotel somewhere.

Of course since I'm such a complete freak of nature calm individual, I definitely didn't spend the entire hour leading up to my appointment imagining worst case scenarios while SomeMonkey tried to talk me down off the ledge. Then what's the first thing my awesome doctor (who looks like the next door neighbor from Empty Nest which is a show I never watched but for some reason I think that guy was a pedophile and now I think my doctor is a perv) says upon examining my toe?

"We're gonna have to amputate."

Haha doc, very funny. Only now since I'm associating him with the man-whore from that sitcom, I'm thinking maybe he somehow gave my foot an STD just for the job security.

While I'm busy pondering this, he's busy stabbing my toe and dumping "blistering agents" on it. Which he now expects me to do for the next two weeks at home. Yeah, I think Joe will be in charge of toe-doctoring while I close my eyes tight and swear at him. Because really, it's probably all his fault for taking me to a hotel frequented by skanky people with foot diseases.

And if blistering and chemically burning my toe off doesn't work, he said our next step is lasers. LASERS!!! Serious BOOYAH right there.

P.S. I should make it clear that my foot doesn't ACTUALLY have an STD. There are over 130 identified strains of HPV and only about 30 of those are sexually transmitted. This is not me having an STD that's manifesting in my foot. This is just me having a foot yucky, kinda like athlete's foot.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Maybe Frodo only needed one ring but I needed three

Last week, I filled out a meme that included the following:
20. Ever been given an engagement ring?

Joe has given me three engagement rings. Only one marriage though.

A couple of people asked about this and since Joe and I just spent the weekend celebrating our anniversary, I thought I would share the story of my three rings.

Ring #1 - (1995) We had known each other less than two months when Joe first proposed. We were both young and I told him I wasn't comfortable being engaged at that point. So instead we decided to be "pre-engaged" at least until I was out of high school (we were together quite young obviously), whatever that means. To celebrate, he bought me a beautiful little amethyst ring.

Ring #2 - (1996) Long story but saving up for a real ring wasn't going very well for Joe. Not because he wasn't working very hard but there were a lot of other things that made it difficult to save. My grandmother actually offered Joe her engagement ring for him to give me. She wanted me to have it so it would be kept in the family so when he officially proposed, Grandma's ring became ring #2.

Ring #3 - (2006) Ten years after not being able to buy me a ring on his own, Joe surprised me on our anniversary with the news that he had been covertly saving away some money and now had enough to buy me a ring. He wanted me to help pick it out and we spent the next few months shopping before we finally found what we were looking for (it was tricky finding a setting that would work with my wedding band).

And so that's the story of my three engagement rings. Nothing dramatic involving theft, Tonya, or robot armadillos. I still have the other two, of course, and wear them from time to time. At least I do when they fit, which is not right now unfortunately.

We had a lovely weekend, by the way. Now I'm working on catching up with your posts and comments. Also, trying to put a few things into gear. I need some change and I think I've finally put together a plan to make it happen.

Sunday, August 09, 2009

What about Sunday?

I never know what to blog about on Sundays. It's typically a low traffic day so I don't want to go with any of my good stuff (haha, like I even have any good stuff!). I don't really want to take it off. I don't feel like participating in a weekly meme.

For awhile, I was doing regular Sunday Confessions but I haven't felt like confessing anything lately. Every time I start, it turns into more of a Sunday Whining. You get enough of that from me Monday through Friday.

There are a lot of ideas in my head. My biggest stumbling block to carrying them out is not lack of time but lack of focus (caused by lack of sleep). If I could get a few of these things underway, I think it would trickle into other areas of my life and make a big difference. But even though I know this and I want this, my eyelids are heavy or I see something shiny.

I won't be home from our "anniversary trip" until sometime later this afternoon/evening. Maybe I'll magically sprout a new lease on life. Possibly my muse shall whisper something brilliant in my ear. Perhaps inspiration shall strike me. Guess it's better than lightning.

Saturday, August 08, 2009

Six Word Saturday

We have made it to another Saturday. Another Saturday that I will not be around to reply or visit until much later (sorry folks!).

Here's how it works - describe your life (or something) in a phrase using just six words. For more information, try clicking here.

My six words:

Another year of "Happily Ever After"

(Which would be WHY I'm not around to visit today)

All that's necessary to participate is to post your own six words. If you do so in your blog, please add a link to the Mr. Linky. I appreciate a link back (shiny code below!) but I'm not going to delete your entry or punch you in the face if you don't. Otherwise, you're welcome to leave your six words in the post as a comment.




Friday, August 07, 2009

Google Booyah

I just realized that I never shared a recap of my Google search terms for last month. Here's a fun Wordle I made based on them:

A lot of you came here looking for "six word Saturday" or some variation on that theme. Congratulations, this is the place. Just, not today. Come back tomorrow.

Brangelina continue their world donimanation by camping out in my search results. As does Alan Rickman but not in regard to stealing babies. Several searches about Alan Rickman's nephews though - so maybe that IS related to stealing babies!

The number of inquiries regarding naked, shirtless, or exhibitionist neighbors was appalling, even by my standards. Also making the cut are angry neighbors and crazy tree-hugging neighbors.

Some of you have ailments I feel sorry for. 3 week long hormonal headache, allergic reaction to lilac bushes, and booty injections gone wrong. What's up with "bruises on face, swine flu"? Is this something I should be concerned about? I feel the urge to hand out some hand sanitizer.

Someone was searching for Yaya's bunnies, btw. Yaya, was that you? Did you lose your rabbits?

Still no robot armadillos, lasers, or booyah though. What's a girl got to do to get a little Google-love around here?

Thursday, August 06, 2009

First Fursday: Debating Healthcare

It's that time again. First Fursday. I thought I'd keep the topic light and fluffy (like Tonya!) and weigh-in on the popular topic of healthcare. Not necessarily the plan proposed by that nice guy with the big ears but more about the real topics - healthcare for felines.

Back in my days on the streets, before I moved in with these humans, I met a lot of other cats in da 'hood and then in the shelter. I went a long time without proper healthcare. I had a lot of itchies and sores from my allergies and also bugs in my ears.

Since I've lived with my humans, they've taken excellent care of me. Maybe I'm even spoiled a bit. Regular vet visits, occasional "emergency" trips, pills, shots, booty probes. Yeah, I could do without that last one. But I realize not all kitties have access to this kind of care.

Take for example Duncan. He lived with long-haired human's mother and about ten other cats. Tonya met him once but I've never been on that long car ride to the North. She said overall, those were skanky kitties with lots of diseases and creepy crawlies. They don't receive proper care. In fact, the only time they go to the vet is when they're very sick. They don't even go to be spayed or neutered which makes Bob Barker cry. (Also, how rude is it that he's Bob BARKer and not Bob MEOWer. So discriminatory.)

Anyways, Duncan got in a fight outside with some skanky barn cat. This was back in March and he was in rough shape but eventually he seemed better. Last week, he was in another fight. Finally they took him to the vet because he couldn't walk. The vet had to operate and found a lot of infection. Even though they gave him lots of kitty antibiotics, the infection had spread too much and Duncan went to the big litter box in the sky.

If Duncan had received proper healthcare, he'd still be eating his Meow Mix. Even if they had just taken him in March when he first was hurt, he would've been alright.

I wish people wouldn't take home kitties if they didn't plan to care for us properly. It makes me very sad. Unfortunately, Duncan isn't the first pet to face the same fate in that house. I'm so very glad I found a home here with my humans.

So scratch your furry friends under the chin, have our appropriate parts snipped, and keep us safe, warm and loved. Otherwise, Tonya will eat your face.



P.S. Sorry this isn't as light-hearted as other posts by the kitties. Rusty's long-haired human is pretty disgusted with her mother right now and this was the best he could do.

Wednesday, August 05, 2009

Guess who's moving?

Nope, not me. Though after the past couple of days with the lightning strike, it's kinda tempting.

Apparently our entire neighborhood is evacuating. Abandoning ship. Running for cover. Moving to Canada. Going into hiding. Of fifty homes, two have just been sold, three are on the market, and two more are preparing to go on the market. I exclaimed to Joe that this was like half the 'hood! "No, did you fail math? That's 14%, not fifty." Bah.

I could be concerned that we missed a memo. I could take it personally (especially since one is right next door and the other is next door to them). Instead, I shall rejoice.

I like having the 'hood to ourselves. The house directly next door has been empty for a couple of months now. They come back to mow once a week and workers come and go all day working on floors or bloodstain removal or something. They were never troublesome anyways.

But the best news EVER is that the neighbor next to them? This guy. That's right folks, it appears Angry Neighbor is on the move. I'm thinking of sending him a going away gift by toilet papering his lawn or something.

(Actually, the BEST news may be that Totally Hot Running Shirtless Neighbor is going nowhere.)

Plus, I'm fairly certain that someone awesome will move into one of these houses. I'll take them a welcome basket of fresh from the bakery oven cookies and they shall be my new BFFs. We'll be like Paris Hilton and whoever her latest BFF is, but without all the diseases and skank. And it will last longer than one season.

Or maybe one of you would like to be my new neighbor. We can party on my deck, you can complain when I don't mow my lawn, and you can take care of my cats when I'm away. Yes, awesome plan. Any takers?

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Mama Mia! (Updated)

Thunderbolt and lightning, very very frightening me!

So last night, we finished up our dinner and were chatting about something that seemed important at the time. It was storming outside and had been for awhile.

I was innocently stirring my tuna veggie noodle CRAP for lunch when KABLAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lightning, thunder, the whole house shook and all the little hairs on the back of my neck stood on end.

There's an entire list of casualties already, the most important being both the upstairs and downstairs a/c units. We don't now if it's the entire units, just the thermostats, or something else. Since it's going to be 97° today, it would've been a good day for air conditioning!

Once we figure out the extent of the damage, we'll need to figure out who's going to pay for it. We have this thing from the power company that's basically a surge protector for the entire house. Yeah, lot of good that did. So maybe they can pay. Or maybe homeowners insurance can pay. Or maybe your rich Aunt Erma would like to pay. Should I start a charity auction of all the cat hair you can eat?

Speaking of that - I'm wondering is if there's any way I can claim it fried Tonya's brain. Maybe get a replacement model. This one is so defective. Beyond repair.

So sorry today's post isn't very entertaining - yet another night of no sleep (I should be used to that, right?) and to be honest, it's hard to find the funny when all I want to do is swear and punch things in the face.

Most importantly, we're all safe and the house didn't explode or catch on fire. It could've been so much worse. For that I'm grateful.

For up-coming dealings with service companies, insurance, and paperwork, I am not so grateful.

UPDATE: We have a/c again! Upstairs unit was an easy fix. Downstairs unit kinda has a bandaid that's working for now. We were planning on replacing it soon anyways. All repairs together so far = $550, well below our $1000 deductible. And the power company protection thing doesn't cover any circuit boards (which is what's fried, of course). Good thing our money tree is doing well this season!

Monday, August 03, 2009

20 things

I'm stealing this from Misadventures with Andi

I'm not really a big fan of memes and considered letting the kitties have at this one for First Fursday but they had other things in mind. And I have absolutely nothing in mind for this Monday except to cross things off my massive task list. So I'll try to make it as interesting as possible.

1. I don’t really think I can manage _______________ today.

Not to stab people. It's Monday, I'm slammed, and the Drama Llama is adding to it in the most dramatic and llamalicious ways possible.

2. What did you have for breakfast this morning?

Stryofoam. Or, well, an apple cinnamon rice cake.

3. Share some recent good news.

I saved 19% on my car insurance by switching to Geico! No, I didn't. I did, however, find out that Joe received a special award at work. I shall blog about it sometime soon. The good news part being that it put some cash in the bank that we plan to use on our trip to California next month.

4. What was the last movie you saw? What did you think of it?

I watched Blow Dry with Alan Rickman last Thursday (I think). It was an odd movie - he played a decent man and didn't eat any babies. But I enjoyed it.

5. If you had to, could you do commentary for a sporting event?

I could. I'm not sure anyone would find it very useful but I could totally give it a shot. "Now they'll kick the ball between those post thingys. No? They run with it again? What's a 'down'?"

6. What makes you feel better when you're sick?

Robot armadillos. And this guy.

7. What do you listen to in the car?

Currently, Kelly Clarkson, Ryan Star, and Lifehouse.

8. What were the last five foods you ate?

Cinnamon mint, water, styrofoam, low-acid orange juice and my daily meds.

9. Who was your first prom date?

His name was Paul. He had long stupid hair.

10. What was your first grade teacher's name?

Mrs. Duncan. She yelled at me a lot.

11. How many weddings have you been in?

Not counting my own, I was a bridesmaid in one and flower girl for both of my uncles. I've sang, played piano and done readings in about a million others though. My own sister didn't ask me to be in her wedding. Awesome, huh?

12. Who is on your "List"?

Simon Baker, Paul Rudd (pre-stupid movies), Bradley Cooper (pre-stupid movies). Anderson Cooper (but I guess we'd just go shopping).

13. I love you more than _____________.

black pepper

14. Oranges or grapefruit?

Oranges. Grapefruit are yuck.

15. What is the earliest memory you have of your first day of school?

I remember my first day of kindergarten - I was excited to see Samantha there from my daycare. She had on a pink skirt with a Garfield belt. No idea what I wore.

16. Would you ever choose money over love?

No. But since I love money, isn't it the same thing? Plus, the guy I love makes money so I can pretend I'm keeping him because he's awesome even though it's really about his income.

17. Four people who e-mail me regularly:

Joe, SisterFriend, Television Without Pity, Amazon.com

18. What were your favorite books as a child?

Anne of Green Gables, Little House, Sweet Valley Twins/High, Nancy Drew, Shel Silverstein

19. Never in my life:

Have I: traveled to Africa, streaked, had a job I loved, eaten alligator.

20. Ever been given an engagement ring?

Joe has given me three engagement rings. Only one marriage though.

Back to work. So freaking much to do. So much done already. So far to go.

Sunday, August 02, 2009

Comfort

Main Entry: com·fort
Pronunciation: \ˈkəm(p)-fərt\
Function: transitive verb

1 : to give strength and hope to : cheer
2 : to ease the grief or trouble of : console
3 : Rusty

Sometimes all it takes is a purring cat in your lap to make the world right again.

Thanks Rusty, you da man.

What's your idea of simple comforts?

Saturday, August 01, 2009

Six Word Saturday

Once again, it is Saturday. Describe your life (or something) in a phrase using just six words. For more information, try clicking here.

My six words:

I was here. Did you notice?


Now it's your turn! All that's necessary to participate is to post your own six words. If you do so in your blog, please add a link to the Mr. Linky. I appreciate a link back (shiny code below!) but I'm not going to delete your entry or punch you in the face if you don't. Otherwise, you're welcome to leave your six words in the post as a comment.