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Saturday, October 31, 2009

Spooky Six Word Saturday

Describe your life (or something) in a phrase using just six words. For more information, try clicking here. Feel free to explain or not explain. Add an image, a video, a song, nothing. I love seeing what everyone does each week with their entries.

A few "spooky" six words:
Cate goes bump in the night

I'm dressing up as a blogger

Tootsie rolls and Skittles aren't treats

All that's necessary to participate is to post your own six words. You can post an explanation if you wish but it's certainly not required. If you play along in your blog, please add a link to the Mr. Linky. I appreciate a link back (shiny code below if you like!) but I'm not going to delete your entry or punch you in the face if you don't. Otherwise, you're welcome to leave your six words in this post as a comment.



Friday, October 30, 2009

The Ghost of Halloweens Past

One of my earliest Halloween memories was kindergarten. I was so excited to dress up and have our class party. And the day before? A class trip to the pumpkin patch!

Along with being one of my first Halloween recollections, it's also the first anxiety attack I can remember. While everyone else bounces in excitement over trips, I quiver and shake, terrified of being out of my comfort zone. Thankfully, this has gotten better with medication over the years. But at five years old, I didn't have the pills coping mechanisms I have today.

And I got so freaked out that I puked on the bus. On the stairs of the bus even. While everyone else was still waiting to climb off the bus. Which meant that all of my classmates had to go out the back exit.

Awesome. I was that kid.

I think I puked on every class trip up through high school. And you might as well include college because even though I was no longer taking class trips, Spring Break my freshman year is why I can't stand peaches (you spend a couple of hours barfing in the heavily peach-scented Georgia welcome center and tell me you'll ever eat peaches again).

Kindergarten Halloween is also one of my first memories of feeling inferior. See, everyone else had awesome homemade costumes. Their mothers had spent hours crafting ghosts and clowns and princesses and pumpkins. Me, I had a costume from Kmart. One of those cheap jumpsuits that smelled like a chemical spill. Solid-colored vinyl pants, a picture of the character you were supposed to be on the top, and a plastic mask that attached with a rubberband that always broke after 20 minutes which was just as well because you couldn't see out of it anyways.

To make it worse, there was only one other kid in the class wearing the dreaded lame plastic costume. Darren. The fat kid. AND? We had the same lame plastic costume. Papa Smurf. All of my friends in their beautiful princess and angel and fairy costumes and I was a plastic smelly man-Smurf. (Don't Google for Smurf costumes, btw. Terrifying blue adults. I gave up finding the Papa Smurf costume.)

As much as it made me feel pathetic not to have a "real" costume, life may have been even more traumatic the one time I remember my mother actually putting together a costume for me. It consisted of a black leotard with a tail sewn on the back, black stockings, ears on a headband and drawn-on whiskers.

Cute, right?

Except this was 5th grade. The year my body decided to start growing odd bumps on my chest. Bumps that I did my very best to conceal so my classmates wouldn't notice and wouldn't laugh at me. Bumps that could NOT be concealed in a leotard. Plus, this was New York - it was damned cold in late October to be running around practically naked! So I threw my pink winter coat on to keep warm and hidden. But then my legs were cold, leaving me to pull my jeans back on as well. And I was basically a girl with a weird tail sticking out between my jacket and jeans, whiskers, and cat ears. Like I didn't have a costume really at all, just a few lame accessories.

This year, I'm not dressing up. And I'm not handing out candy. We're going away (yes, again!) for the night and I plan to spend the evening hanging out in the hotel bar. That's right - the only thing going bump in the night? Will be me. Just the way I like it.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Things I Want Thursday



Things I Want Thursday is the brainchild of everyone's favorite Sass. For one reason or another, Thursdays haven't been convenient for me to play along and I don't want to take it upon myself to change her deal to "Things I Want Not-Thursday". So here I am.

The idea is that I tell you what I want. Then you tell me what you want and I laugh at you. It might be better if you go tell Sass what you want. Though Sass may prefer that you post it on your own blog with her adorable button.

1. I want to be healthy. Done with doctors. Done with tests. Done with medication. Done with co-pays.

2. I want to be successful at a couple of side projects so we can launch our own company and my husband doesn't have to work 80 hours a week for someone else.

3. I want to send my dad a spine for his birthday today so he can stand up to my mother.

4. I want to ban my mother from sending email to more than one recipient at a time and sending to me ever.

5. I want you to all please go play at my new site, 7 Days 7 Answers because I think you'll enjoy it.

6. I also want you all to play along with Six Word Saturday this week. I'm putting out a call for Spooky Six Words but it's not required to participate.

7. I want you all to know that I really appreciate you listening to me and supporting me and just being generally awesome.

That's all I've got. Tomorrow's post is about Halloween costumes and puking pumpkins. You won't want to miss it.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

On to the Next Thing

In some ways, I've been quite successful with my word for the year, focus. But not necessarily in a positive way.

I'm very much directing all attention to one thing at a time, obsessing about the next event on the calendar and not able to see beyond it. As soon as one thing is crossed off, I start fixing my targets on the next.

Example: Monday, as I've already mentioned, was a craptastic travel day for Joe. I spent the entire day tracking flights, timing connections, analyzing terminal maps. But the moment he txt'd me that he had landed safely at our home airport, I immediately shifted gears to worrying about my doctor's appointment the next day.

The appointment was more of the usual. It was the results of that last 24 hour tube up the nose and down the throat test. The words most prevalent in the findings were "inconclusive" and "borderline". Not much help. It's just my general fear of commitment biting me in the ass again. I can't commit to a bumper sticker on my car and I can't commit to anything the doctors can diagnose.

What's next on my list to worry obsessively about focus on? Not sure. I'm a little chill today. But give me five minutes and I'm sure I'll find something.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

How Northwest made me lie to the Pope

Yesterday was a very long day. I apologize for the multi-meltdowns on Twitter. But let's back up just a bit, shall we?

Sunday night, I was chilling at home by myself when the phone rings. It was not a number I recognized but it was the area code of our hometown where Joe was visiting. Thinking it might be him, I answered.
me: Hello?
them: Hello, may I speak with Joseph McPunchyerface?
me: Sorry, he's not available. Could I take a message?
them: This is Ye Olde Catholic High School. We were calling to see if Joe planned to make another pledge this year.
me: Ha, he's actually visiting there in town this weekend!
them: When will he be home so we can call again?
me: He'll be home Monday night.
Then Monday happened. Short version - they put him on a flight to Detroit knowing he had no chance to make his connection. Rescheduled him on a flight to Chicago but the plane left so late he would've missed the connection there. Instead, he spent over nine hours in Detroit waiting for another flight home. In all, he arrived home over eight hours later than planned.

Which means he was NOT home Monday night. And this is how Northwest made me lie to the Pope.

P.S. I also lied to the cats because I promised them short-haired human would be home mid-afternoon. Honestly, I might be more afraid of lying to Tonya than the Pope.

Monday, October 26, 2009

New Project/Blog Announcement

I've been working on a couple of new blog projects lately, one of which is for all of you. It's called Seven Days Seven Answers. It's a bit of a creative cue game. Each day there's a prompt of sorts to answer and then there will be a winner (and a corresponding button for you!). Win on each of the seven days, you get all the cat hair you can eat win something better than a punch in the face (though I'm not 100% sure what yet).

Anyways, you can check it out at http://7days7answers.blogspot.com. Come play. I'm just hoping it can be a bit of silly fun. And since people love buttons, it can be fun with buttons!

And if you're not interested in any of this, feel free to enjoy the YouTube video below.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Sunday Confessions

I guess I sorta lied. Only, not really. Technically, it was not so much a lie as it was a rethinking. The announcement I said would come today will come tomorrow instead. I think that makes more sense. Hopefully you'll see what I mean tomorrow.

Also, I'm not feeling so guilty anymore about not joining the husband on his trip. He had miserable flights on Friday, arriving over an hour late after spending a ridiculous amount of time on the runway in Philly. The weather has been horrible (though looks better today) and only about half of what he's been doing sounds of any interest to me. Meanwhile, I had a relaxing morning yesterday, went to the gym, had an amazing massage, and then a nice evening at home. I plan to spend today in a similar manner.

And I guess while I'm confessing, I might as well admit that I had a pretty decent week. I'm still not sleeping. More non-results from the doctor. Even had a migraine on Thursday. But I accomplished a lot and only fell asleep at my desk once or twice. Let's try to keep the momentum into next week.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Six Word Saturday

Describe your life (or something) in a phrase using just six words. For more information, try clicking here. Feel free to explain or not explain. Add an image, a video, a song, nothing. I love seeing what everyone does each week with their entries.

Running amok - you can't stop me!

NEXT WEEK: I'd like to encourage everyone to submit a Spooky Six Words in honor of Halloween. I won't punch you in the face if you don't but I thought it might be fun to try a bit of a theme.

All that's necessary to participate is to post your own six words. You can post an explanation if you wish but it's certainly not required. If you play along in your blog, please add a link to the Mr. Linky. I appreciate a link back (shiny code below if you like!) but I'm not going to delete your entry or punch you in the face if you don't. Otherwise, you're welcome to leave your six words in this post as a comment.



Friday, October 23, 2009

Male Pattern Baldness

Male Pattern Baldness is not the problem in my house. It's Male Pattern Blindness that seems prevalent.

And by "blindness" I don't only mean a lack of sight but a lack of general awareness.

Why am I the only one who notices that the cat boxes stink to high heaven (what does that even mean?) and need to be scooped? How is it that he doesn't notice the overflowing garbage in the bathroom? Either he doesn't notice that our lawn has reached jungle-status or he really likes the natural and unkempt look. And the pile of things on the stairs that obviously needs to be carried up? He has an amazing talent for walking right over them. Oh, to have long legs...

I once had a teacher in high school, Mr. Butters. He was a genius, some sort of chess master. But he wore the most bizarre, mismatched, raggedy clothes I've ever seen. Everyone judged him, of course, assuming he was poor or colorblind or dirty (or some combination of the three).

He sent a classmate to the office one day for a skirt that was "inappropriate" (way too short). She fired back at him - how dare he think he was qualified to call out her clothing when he dressed like that?!?

The classroom sat in terror and wonder - horrified that she had gone there but just dying for his answer.

"We waste far too much time and thought on unimportant matters. It doesn't matter what I wear, as long as I'm properly covered, because I instead use the time you spend shopping to write my book. Or study languages. Or otherwise contribute to society. I dress this way not because I can't afford better or couldn't try harder, but because I believe my efforts are better spent elsewhere."

I'm sure I butchered that horribly. I seem to remember he quoted Einstein and was a lot more succinct. But you get the point.

Maybe that's the deal with Joe. Too many high-functioning things on his mind to even notice the small stuff like cat litter or an overgrown yard. As someone who spends way too much time hung up on the minutiae, sometimes this is very frustrating to me. But I think I'll make due with his Male Pattern Blindness. All while thanking the stars that Male Pattern Baldness doesn't seem to be in his future.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Awards Ceremony

That Nobel dude isn't the only one with awards to give. I have a couple of my own. And sorry, no time for acceptance speeches. The band is already playing you off the stage.

Feel free to add your own nominees in the comments. I'm sure there's no shortage of deserving recipients.

Dear Oscar Mayer Turkey Bacon,

I don't know who you really are, but you are not turkey nor are you bacon. You sure as hell aren't turkey bacon.

I know turkey bacon. I enjoy turkey bacon. You, sir, are not turkey bacon.

You also made my tummy hurt. That's a fail on all levels.

Perhaps you should reconsider your marketing strategy and re-invent yourself as "Not Turkey Bacon". I give my permission to use my award on your packaging.

For some reason I enjoy saying "turkey bacon",



Dear Lightning Strike,

Just when I thought we had finally paid for the last repair related to your uninvited presence in our home, you have to have the final "haha", don't you?

It wasn't enough that it cost several hundred dollars to repair the security system. Or the couple hundred dollars to return the air conditioning to operating condition. Forget about the a/v receiver that couldn't be repaired and everyone failed to reimburse so we had to pay for it out of pocket (and then discovered the new one wasn't compatible with the old subwoofer so we had to replace that as well). I'm not even counting the small things like alarm clocks, electronic thermometers, or failed surge protectors.

But now, your pal Mother Nature has decided to turn from summer storms to winter cold and you take the opportunity for one last hurrah. To the tune of $250 (plus the $100 service call) to replace another circuit board in the upstairs heating unit.

Consider your award well-earned.

You're truly the gift that keeps on giving,

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Twice makes it a tradition

My mother always says that. If you do something twice, now it's tradition. As much as I often want to burn her at the stake strive to have nothing in common with my mother, that little tidbit has always stuck in my mind. And that freaks out my little fear of commitment issues.

I can force myself through most anything *cough*family vacation*cough* once but if they want to do it again this year? Oh no, tradition, I'm committed to annual family vacation for the rest of my life!

Dinner at the local pizza place for my birthday? Okay this year. But if we do it again this year, I'm going to spend every birthday forever picking toppings.

This weekend, Joe is going (alone) to NY to see his family. My family lives in the same area. Am I a bad person for not going? We saw mine for an entire WEEK in June and he hasn't seen his since last November. When he went to NY by himself to see them. See where I'm going here? This is the second time he's gone by himself in the Fall to see his family by himself. It's at tradition! We're going to be penciling this in on the calendar every year now!

And every year, I'll be kinda torn between feeling guilty for not going to spend time with my family, not going with him to see his, and feeling relieved to skip their cold weather and the craziness of trying to split our time between 50 different people.

Plus, right now I'm overjoyed to have a quiet weekend to myself.

Hmm, maybe it's not actually such a bad tradition...

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Flu Shots

I'm always torn on this idea of flu shots. You can get a flu shot but it takes awhile to be effective and then it isn't effective against all strains of crud. Sometimes, it actually makes you sick for a bit. And of course now it's all about the piggy flu shot! Or is it better to get the nasal spray?

Joe had his flu shot yesterday. Just a regular flu shot. I guess it's good to know he isn't planning on making out with any swine. Not that I was worried. Actually, he's just not in a high risk demographic so he let the young'uns and the old'uns have the limited vaccinations. Isn't he a sweetheart?

My favorite part of him getting a flu shot is that it makes his arm a little sore for an evening. And I can accidentally forget that and punch him in the upper arm if he aggravates me. Playing, you know? Hahaha, oooh, oops, did that hurt? So sorry I forgot!

Due to my freakazoid complicated medical stuff, I've never gotten a flu shot of any kind. I can't even have some vaccinations because of how they're manufactured. So no flu shot, no piggy shot, no shots. And no crying and no Hello Kitty bandaids.

Instead, in solidarity, I did a vodka shot. That's my kind of shot! Kills all kinds of germs and no need for a nurse.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Happy Birthday Snoop Dogg

A bit of a Monday Morning Mish-Mash for you today.

We did end up going away this weekend. It was cold and windy and not always very sunny but we had a good time. Saturday, we drove around the mountains and took some photos before stopping at a winery for a tasting. We had been there once before but it was nice to visit again. After checking into the hotel, we headed out for dinner and I swear Snoop Dogg was at the next table celebrating his birthday. Who knew Snoop Dogg liked blue cupcakes? Also, who knew nobody taught him how to share?

Sunday, we hung out for a bit at a Starbucks before hitting the road. We stopped at another winery and this may just be my favorite for the area. Adorable little place, lovely people, and fantastic dry wines. In all, we purchased two cases of wine this weekend. We had late lunch at a restaurant about an hour or so from home that we've sorta fallen in love with. And our waiter was Fred Armisen from Saturday Night Live! Kinda.

I'll start visiting Six Word Saturday entries today. Being away without internet access, I gave myself permission to wait until now to start. And I'm okay with that. Plus, you know, my pal Snoop Dogg's birthday. I was very busy!

Disclaimer: It is entirely possible that I didn't actually see Snoop Dogg or Fred Armisen this weekend. Likely, they were really convincing impersonators figments of my imagination due to all the wine just ordinary people who exhibit a very slight resemblance.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Simon's Cat (aka Tonya's Brother)

Another short Sunday post for you and for me.

This week, I'm going to go ahead and recommend this whole YouTube channel - Simon's Cat. I'm sure some of you have seen it before. And I'm okay with that.

My favorites are the original, Cat Man Do and a more recent addition, TV Dinner. Unfortunately his channel doesn't allow embedding so you'll have to click on over to YouTube to see them. If that's not Tonya's brother, I'll eat my shorts.

And if you're too lazy for all that clicking, here's one of my favorite LOLcats. It sums up how I feel most days but especially on Mondays.

cat
see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Hope you're all having a lovely weekend. I'm actually writing this on Friday afternoon so I also hope I'm having a lovely weekend.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Six Word Saturday

NOTE: I am possibly maybe out of town. Or not. Visits will be late if I am. Isn't it fun that you have no idea what's going on? It's only fair because neither do I.

Describe your life (or something) in a phrase using just six words. For more information, try clicking here. Feel free to explain or not explain. Add an image, a video, a song, nothing. I love seeing what everyone does each week with their entries.

This week, I'm giving you two for the price of one.
Fall Foliage Trip 2009: take two?

sleepy Cate means a cranky Cate

We might be retrying last weekend's trip to the mountains. Or we may cancel again. I won't know until we leave, basically. And yeah, I'm tired. I know it's not surprising but I think I'm starting to lose it. It's only a matter of time now before I lose it completely.

All that's necessary to participate is to post your own six words. You can post an explanation if you wish but it's certainly not required. If you play along in your blog, please add a link to the Mr. Linky. I appreciate a link back (shiny code below if you like!) but I'm not going to delete your entry or punch you in the face if you don't. Otherwise, you're welcome to leave your six words in this post as a comment.



Friday, October 16, 2009

She knows me (too) well

Recently... (around noon on a Wednesday while I worked from home):
me: they just delivered the new futon
SomeMonkey: that's good!
me: they were only here 3 minutes
literally took longer to sign for it
SomeMonkey: love those
me: started pouring right after the delivery dudes left
SomeMonkey: i had to think for a minute to realize that that did not mean "pouring wine"
me:i should be insulted
but no
if it was after 5pm or I was not on the clock for work there would be pouring inside as well as out
SomeMonkey: it's what I would have meant by the comment
Enjoy your Friday responsibly, folks!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Blog Action Day 2009

Blog Action Day is an annual event that unites the world's bloggers in posting about the same issue on the same day. Our aim is to raise awareness and trigger a global discussion.

The theme this year is Climate Change.

Climate change affects us all and it threatens more than the environment. It threatens to cause famine, flooding, war, and millions of refugees.

Given the urgency of the issue of climate change and the upcoming international climate negotiations in Copenhagen this December, we think the blogosphere has the unique opportunity to mobilize millions of people around expressing support for finding a sustainable solution to the climate crisis.

I struggled with what to write about today. I'm not a scientist. Nobody's ever going to give me a Nobel Prize for anything (except I'm also not George Bush so I guess if it's good enough for Obama, it's good enough for me). I don't have anything shockingly original or world-changing to say. So what could I say that's even on target?

And then I saw it. Some moron rocket scientist on Facebook groaning about how global warming is a total farce because it was snowing last weekend in St. Louis. When someone replied and said that "it's not global warming - it's climate change", the buffoon misinformed neurosurgeon replied that climate change is just the politically correct term because everyone has caught on to global warming being a ruse.

No, climate change is NOT the politically correct term. It's the term we use now because industrial engineers such as yourself are too stupid to understand that GLOBAL warming means the globe is warming, which results in some bizarre weather in your LOCAL area. Your narcissistic self can't understand that global warming is not all about you! It's not St. Louis Warming. So since you're too dense to realize that yes, global warming may result in excessive heat for some and snow for others, we refer to it as climate change so as not to confuse your simple brain.

Ignorance makes me nuts. Just because you don't understand, just because you don't want to make changes, don't show your ignorance by proclaiming it doesn't exist. I don't understand electricity but I don't refuse to pay the bill because I deny its existence. I don't understand gravity but I don't glue my stapler to my desk because I doubt it's occurring. I've never seen the Easter bunny but I'm not gonna argue. And you know me, my reaction to my "friend" on Facebook was a strong desire to punch him in the face.

I'm sure this isn't at all what the Blog Action Day people were after. I'll probably be banned from BAD10. It won't be the first time I've been banned for life.

P.S. If this green stuff isn't your kind of thing, go on over to my pal Sass's blog for "Things I Want Thursday". I didn't participate this week because of BAD09 but I plan to play along next week. So many things I want... But for today, the only thing I want is for you to go see Sass. And also, maybe a mocha.

11/28/09: I had to turn off comments on this post because spammers kept replying to it. Only THIS post. Very annoying.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Currently I love you

I love going through my spam from time to time. Once you weed through all of the financial schemes and organ enhancements, there are some interesting titles.

This one caught my eye today. Currently I love you. Currently. I guess it's subject to change. It feels like there's a "but" missing from the statement.

Currently I love you but...
  • not if you leave the toilet lid up one more time.
  • if you don't learn to pick up your dirty clothes, I'm leaving.
  • the next time you add salt to something I cooked without tasting first, I'm gonna punch you in the face.
  • you really need to not wear those pants with that shirt if we're going to be seen together.
  • it would be awesome if you could refrain from making faces to crack me up when my family calls.
  • if I have to listen to one more story about that catalog at work, I can't be held accountable for my actions.
What about you? What are your little daily deal-breakers?

P.S. Of course I'm kidding. I would never not love Joe. I'm never going to find anyone else willing to put up with me so awesome.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

But I'm scared!

October 13th is National Face Your Fears Day. You're supposed to pick a fear and conquer it.

I have a lot of fears ranging from bugs to car flags to recliners. There's no shortage of issues for me to choose from today.

I think I'll go with my Metathesiophobia (fear of changes). I allowed myself to wimp out on the gym yesterday, conveniently blaming Joe because he pointed out that it was raining heavy and would be unpleasant to drive in. But really, it was the fear of establishing that new routine.

So today, I go to the gym. Where I will also work on my Verminophobia (fear of germs). I'm not over-the-top on this one but with piggy flu, I'm a little more aware than usual.

What fear will you conquer today?

Monday, October 12, 2009

Desperation

Now I've done it. The ultimate in desperate moves. I reactivated my gym membership.

All I can hope is that a lot of people fall off equipment (without seriously injuring themselves), dress like hoochies, or sing loudly, oblivious that we can hear them. Because that would all be blog-worthy.

Me sweating and dying on the equipment? Not blog-worthy. And of course I would never sing along with my iPod. And I certainly never did the chicken dance (kinda in my mind) while running on the treadmill back in the day.

*Sigh* I'm tired and embarrassed already.

Anyone have some great songs to recommend for the elliptical?

Sunday, October 11, 2009

I wanna fly away

I'm going to start making Sunday posts pretty short to give us both a break. Me from writing, you from reading my drivel. You're still on the hook for the other six days of the week though.

This weekend, I was supposed to be out of town. I was going to let Gwen send you all a nice picture of some leaves or a winery for the post today but instead we're back home a day early. The weather looked iffy and I guess we jumped the gun a bit and ditched our plans. We still had a nice couple of days and it was good to get out of town. We'll find some trouble to get into locally tomorrow. And eventually I'll get around to your Six Word Saturday posts.

Today's inspiration brought to you courtesy of the Washington Lottery.



I love penguins and that little guy's wings flapping? Everybody "awww". Birdies have dreams too, y'all.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Six Word Saturday

NOTE: I am out of town. Visits will be late.

Describe your life (or something) in a phrase using just six words. For more information, try clicking here. Feel free to explain or not explain. Add an image, a video, a song, nothing. I love seeing what everyone does each week with their entries.

My six words:
Weather may mean changing our plans

As I mentioned above, we're out of town. But the weather is looking iffy for gazing upon Fall foliage and driving around mountains. So we may head home a day early. Or we may go somewhere else.

All that's necessary to participate is to post your own six words. You can post an explanation if you wish but it's certainly not required. If you play along in your blog, please add a link to the Mr. Linky. I appreciate a link back (shiny code below if you like!) but I'm not going to delete your entry or punch you in the face if you don't. Otherwise, you're welcome to leave your six words in this post as a comment.



Friday, October 09, 2009

Why I skipped the employee appreciation picnic

  • My tummy has been upset for two days and the last thing it wants is hot dogs.
  • My tummy has been fat for a year and the last thing it needs is hot dogs.
  • I have horrid reflux and all you can offer me is hot dogs and beans?
  • I don't like any of you and I don't want to socialize.
  • Every time I leave my desk, you all want to ask me for free tech advice. This is not how I want to spend my lunch hour.
  • That's how much you appreciate me? You equate the value of my services to a free hot dog? I am SO filet mignon.
  • It's cold and dreary.
  • Did I mention the only food option is hot dogs?
For those reasons, I chose not to go. My lunch hour is unpaid so they can't require me to spend it at a work function.

Plus, I have blogging to do. Priorities!

Thursday, October 08, 2009

First Fursday: A bit late

So technically, this is Second Fursday but that sounds pretty stupid. Rusty thought it was a good idea because he's a moron. Know what else he thinks is a good idea? Curling up in the humans' laps and purring. See what I have to put up with?

Life has been exciting around here lately. We've been allowed out on the porch quite a bit. It's like being outside only still somehow contained. I can smell the tasty grass I long to eat but I can't quite get to it.

Also, there are new sofas for me to sleep on. It was nice of the humans to buy them for me but then they filled them with all these stupid pillows. I'm a very obese fluffy kitty and there's not room for me AND the pillows. I may have to puke on a few of them, see if they can be dismissed from my domain.

Speaking of puke, Rusty and I had a barf-a-thon on Tuesday night. It was awesome. Occasionally, we work together on our evil plans. As soon as long-haired human turned off the lights and settled into her Recliner of Death, Rusty puked up some crunchies. Really, it was weak. Long-haired human took care of the mess and went back to sleep. Three hours later, I did my Exorcist impression and tossed my cookies all over the carpet runner in the hallway. Long-haired human had to get back up and try to clean up the mess. I'm such an over-acheiver though that she decided to just toss the carpet out on the porch and deal with it later.

Perhaps our humans have had enough of us because I hear they're going away again for the weekend. I'm already cooking up some great ideas for surprises I can create for their return!

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

What a maroon

Remember these previous gems from my boss, the drama llama?

Well if he talks about being sideblinded one more time, I'm going to punch him in the mouth.

And that's all I have to say because I'm feeling quite tired and this post is already late and I have a lot to do.

Look for brilliance tomorrow - or cat hair because I think Tonya's posting.

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Punch Awards: Saving the Kitties

Today, I give some awards. It's this, or I get fired. And if I get fired, Tonya doesn't get her gourmet crunchies. And if Tonya is downgraded to common Whiskas, she'll eat our faces. Save my job, save my cats, save my face. The circle of life. Now, let's give out some punch awards!

Feel free to add your own nominees in the comments. I'm sure there's no shortage of deserving recipients.

Dear Co-worker,

You were one of the few co-workers I didn't have total disdain for. You were always professional and I appreciated that.

Until today, when I received an interoffice envelope from you. It was a promotional flyer for Curves. And here is how it made me feel:
  • Thank you for calling me a fatass. I'm well aware but I'm so glad you noticed.
  • So angry - Curves is one of about a dozen businesses I actively boycott. Happy to have that all brought to mind.
And that's all I have to say about that because I believe politics don't belong at work and I have so many things I would say if I let myself get started. Instead, I give you this award.

Stick to writing purchase orders,


Dear Jon Gosselin,

That dress the girls talked you into wearing during dress-up at the beginning of the season is the least of things you should be embarrassed by. Who knew it was possible to make the public root for Kate and her rooster-do?

I kinda think you both fail in various ways, as do we all except for me, but I choose to award you with this gifty for being such a supremely clueless buffoon.

You could always pawn those ridiculous earrings if you need cash,

Monday, October 05, 2009

Breastseses

Today, I'd like to talk about breasts. Specifically, my breasts. In fact, I can narrow it down even more than that - we're going to talk about my left breast.

When I was just the tender age of 26 (doesn't that seem so long ago?), I faithfully shaved my legs and hauled in for my annual physical. AKA The Yearly Poke and Grope. I do this every 12 months like a good girl because I haven't figured out any other way to get a doctor to prescribe my birth control pills care about my health.

That particular year, I had gone to general practitioner (GP) because I feel she gives a more complete exam and I have a real love/hate relationship with my gynecologist's office. All was well until the GP asked if I had noticed the small lump in my left breast. Umm, no. She wanted to know if I was doing my monthly self-exams, which I kinda do or don't but I don't know what I'm looking for really. Once she helped me feel the lump, it was very obvious to me. As shocked as I was to have a lump in my breast, nothing could've prepared me for what the doctor said next.

"Just ignore it."

Wait, what? Ignore it?

"Yeah, you're young. Chances are it's nothing. Just ignore it."

This, the official medical advice of my doctor.

Joe and I talked and the more I thought about it, the more that didn't sit well with me. Plus, I'm like a kid that doesn't notice I'm hurt until you point out that little scrape on my knee and then OMG I AM IN PAIN, HELP, I CAN THINK OF NOTHING ELSE!!!

This is getting long so I'm gonna give you the Reader's Digest Condensed version. I scheduled an appointment with the ob/gyn for a second opinion. He felt it was probably nothing but unfortunately he had seen too many people with small lumps at my age ignore them until things had advanced and there was nothing he could do. An ultrasound indicated that it was probably a benign cyst. The doctor left it up to me if I wanted to have it removed at that point or if I wanted to just monitor it closely.

I think I only lasted about 6 months constantly poking at that lump and thinking about it before I called and scheduled the surgery. It was the only way to be 100% certain that there was truly nothing to be concerned about. And when I saw the surgeon, she was concerned enough that she said she wanted to do a needle aspiration that day unless I scheduled the surgery before leaving the office.

The surgery itself wasn't a big deal. It didn't take long and I was lucky with the location of the lump - it was small and near the surface. Scarring was minimal and not somewhere visible to anyone but the husband. Recovery wasn't too bad. And after all of that, it turned out to be nothing. But for my peace of mind, it was necessary to follow through.

So as we enter October, which is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I just wanted to add my reminder to the many others you'll be seeing. It's important to not only to have regular exams but to trust your instincts.

And that concludes today's discussion about my left breast.

Sunday, October 04, 2009

Blogiversary

It's my blogiversary today! One whole year of rambles and babbles from me, your pal Cate.

I'm not sure where I thought I was going with this blog when I started but I'm a bit surprised to find myself here, looking back at a full year of posts and a bunch of new friends.

Let's see if you can all put up with me for another year. Or another week - maybe we should start small...

Saturday, October 03, 2009

Six Word Saturday

Describe your life (or something) in a phrase using just six words. For more information, try clicking here. Feel free to explain or not explain. Add an image, a video, a song, nothing. I love seeing what everyone does each week with their entries.

My six words:
Your ghost won't leave me alone

All that's necessary to participate is to post your own six words. You can post an explanation if you wish but it's certainly not required. If you play along in your blog, please add a link to the Mr. Linky. I appreciate a link back (shiny code below if you like!) but I'm not going to delete your entry or punch you in the face if you don't. Otherwise, you're welcome to leave your six words in this post as a comment.



Friday, October 02, 2009

It takes all kinds of people

It's that time again! Actually, yesterday was that time again but this whole not sleeping thing kinda got the best of me so I phoned it in yesterday. My apologies.

My blog truly attracts a wide audience. Let's explore the Google search terms from the month of September for some examples.

People with self-esteem issues:

  • im ugly because my face isnt perfect - Have you tried wearing a paper bag?
  • "hiding under the bed" "wedding night" - I'm pretty sure you're doing it wrong
  • need a new bff single no kids - Call me!
  • don't call me british i am Irish - I have a friend who is Scottish so I know you all get a bit fiesty about that
  • what to do when your husband won't show you his phone but has it on lock, sleeps with it, and won't show you it but, says he isnt doing anything wrong - Definitely Google it first. Then call Dr. Phil. (How did you end up here? But welcome!)
  • would joe make fun of me if i was 4 feet tall? - He totally might. He's been known to have an odd sense of humor.

Skanks:

  • coffee slut - I've been called a lot of things but that's not one of them very nice
  • klondike bars boxers - What would you do for that?
  • hot neighbor asked me to come over - What a traitor! I saw him first!
  • anesthesia flirting - Way more fun than I had.
  • do i tell a sugar daddy i have an std - Not if you want him to remain your sugar daddy.
  • bank cleavage - I think the site you were looking for is over here. This is much more her area of expertise than mine.

Rocket scientists:

  • i'm thinking of majoring in math - Good luck with that! Or maybe I should include you in the next category...

Morons:

  • pregnant lady who's pregnant - I find most pregnant ladies are pregnant. Is it wrong of me to generalize like that?
  • the butter lady - She's probably with Aunt Jemima making me some pancakes

Show of hands if you came here via the following two because we need to talk:

  • how to get rid of an angry neighbours - If you know the secret, seriously call me!
  • cat death recliner - Should I be worried about this? I was only concerned about my own death in the recliner.

Such a variety of folks and yet I <3 most of you you all.


P.S. For those of you asking where I find this information, I have Google Analytics set-up on this blog. It's a free tool that helps you track how much traffic visits your site and where it comes from. But don't be afraid - it's still pretty anonymous so it's not like I'm going to show up at your house or anything.

Thursday, October 01, 2009

Signs of Fall

Fall seems to be here finally. And this is really a post about Fall, as opposed to a gripe about election yardsigns.

I had windows open in the house today without the air conditioning kicking in. In fact, I was cold at some points. I even went upstairs for a sweater.

Another sign of Fall - I pulled out the crockpot and made soup. Yummy delicious warm soup.

Also, I finally had my first pumpkin spice latte over the weekend.

October 1st seems like a good time to declare "Fall". Unfortunately, a lot of the stores decide this is a good time to declare "Christmas" but I'm pretty sure I'll punch them in the face if they try to pull such craziness.

P.S. Today should be the October first Google search words extravaganza. But as I write this the night before, I'm too tired. Look for that tomorrow - I got some good ones finally.

P.P.S. Alternately, today is technically first Fursday as well. But, umm, the kitties are sleeping and I refuse to wake them up to write a post. So look for them next week, perhaps. Or sometime before that. They're unpredictable little hairballs.