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Wednesday, January 27, 2010

How Things Change

Yesterday afternoon, before leaving work, I started on today's post. The working title was "Full of Win". It was mostly silly but I was feeling good about the day I was having - meetings at work were going well, I received happy-happy awards from Rabbit and Autumn, I hacked some code for a project I'm working on.

I left work with plans to chill at Starbucks for an hour before going to a new stylist at a new salon for a hair chop. I was feeling so good, I was sure the hair cut would be the perfect #BOOYAH ending to my day (and my post). As expected, I left the salon feeling fabulous!

And now I'm deleting about 4 paragraphs of crap to just get to the point - after a yummy dinner, I noticed Tonya acting weird. The abbreviated version is that one of her lower fangs fell out.

And as she lost her tooth, I completely lost my mind. I did what anyone would do and immediately checked Google. All signs indicated this was a bad thing and a sign of tooth decay.

By that time, Tonya had resumed her normal routine and was perched on our bed, enjoying a snooze. I curled up next to her, petting her, sobbing as my train of thought derailed.

Why oh why didn't I get her teeth cleaned? The vet had been telling me it needed to be done for three years! It wasn't the money (we could afford it). I was just afraid of the sedation. Plus Tonya HATES the vet. It's always such an ordeal. But now Tonya had lost a tooth which meant all of her teeth were going to fall out and then she wouldn't be able to eat and she is going to DIE! OMG I killed my cat and it was totally preventable! I'm the worst person in the world!!!

And then I ran out of exclamation points and decided to just sob for awhile. Somewhere along the way I also freaked out about my hair and decided I had Kate Gosselin hair and it was horrible and what was I thinking and I might just shave my head and invest in some awesome hats.

I needed that breakdown. It wasn't so much about the cat. But I've been half out of my mind since my sister had her little girl on the 15th. I had horrible conversations with my grandmother and my parents on Sunday that left me feeling very low. And next week, we're going for a visit. Four whole days of family fun. So yeah, not so much about the cat.

In the meantime, I do feel a bit better this morning. My hair is actually kinda cute and not Kate-G at all. The vet's office seemed concerned but didn't jump straight to the "she's gonna die, we're ALL gonna die" conclusion that I had reached. Pending weather, we'll take her Friday for a blood draw (anesthesia test) and then schedule a cleaning.

After such a roller coaster yesterday, I'm hoping the rest of the week is nice and boring.

P.S. I'm not asking for sympathy or pats on the head. Today, I'm fine. Just wanted to give a glance into the kind of freak that lives in my head some days.


Melinda said...

Sometimes a good crying freak out is what we need to feel normal again. I hope everything works out with Tonya, and that you go back to loving your hair. Show us a picture so we can gush about how awesome you look. ;-)

silver star said...

Ah yes, the haircut/cat/family combo, I'm determined any sane person would freak out if they had to deal with that! I hope my cat's teeth are better than mine & my husbands! I hope Tonya's okay.

Snarky A. said...

I am sure that the freak that lives in your head and the freak that lives in my head are best BFFs. Or, if not, they should be because, as similar as they are, I am sure they would hit it off!


Snarky A. said...

"best BFFs"? Ya, a little redundant, I know. But apparently that is something my brain will do before the morning coffee has kicked in. Please excuse me.

Sassy Britches said...

Yes for you and your good cry! A person DEFINITELY needs at least one of those a month. Good thoughts for Tonya, and I am CONFIDENT your hair is SO NOT Kate G and that you're gorgeous!

Autumn in jeans said...

Awww!! This is one of those times that calls for a cookie (who am I kidding? All times call for cookies!) I have a love hate relationship with hair cuts, they always look fabulous as I walk out of the salon but the next morning it takes me 2-3 hours to get it to look half as decent as the salon stylist had it looking just 24 hours before.

Tonya is a tough kitty, she'll be fine but I'm glad she gave you the excuse your mind needed to just let out your frustrations and cry.

On a semi-positive note your recount of the mental running from point A to death had me thinking of Chicken Little "The sky is falling the sky is falling!!"

Praying for ya when you visit family, I don't think I could LAST 4 full days with mine!! You're a brave, brave woman!

blognut said...

I am overdue for a good freaking - I think it has to happen sometimes or we'll go stark raving mad and start eating cat hair or something.

mo.stoneskin said...

I'm assuming that you're going to put Tonya's candy allowance on hold for the rest of the week?

Seansmoma said...

Cate, I'm so sorry to hear about all this. I sure hope everything works out.

I haven't seen it but I'm sure you wouldn't allow your hair to look like Kate Gosselin! :)

Have a drink or some chocolate or something. It's a psychological fix anyway.

Grand Pooba said...

Maybe if you come to my blog, it'll cheer you up.

(Hint: Rabbit and Autumn aren't the only ones awarding you)

That corgi :) said...

hugs to you; sorry about Tonya, don't try to second guess yourself too much, we do the best we can for these little critters of ours and I know you are a great "mom" to Tonya. bet your hair looks great!! sorry about the problems with family, never fun to deal with :(


The Bad Yogi said...

Hugs to you, indeed. You should know that cats can live perfectly normal lies without teeth; they eat canned food and all is well. In fact, one of our cats lived for a while missing 1/2 her lower jaw, if you can imagine that. (when she lost the other 1/2, she lost the battle :-(

Anyway, add my vote for pix!

C. Beth said...

I missed this post yesterday. I'm glad you had a good cry--that can be the best thing! And, I'm sorry I ever mentioned Kate G....