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Monday, January 04, 2010

Judgement Day

Today I have jury duty.

Me, who is so freaked out the night before as I write this that I'm pretty sure I won't even find the parking deck. And if I find the parking deck, some deity help me because I'm pretty sure I can't find the court house 2 blocks away. And if i DO find the court house? I'm going to freeze to death on the way there because it is a frickdiculous amount of freezing coldness here.

Oh yeah, and let's just say I get there all in one piece and on time, thus avoiding being fined or thrown into jail. THEN I may be seated on a jury in which I'm expected to judge another person's innocence. And possibly throw out some sentencing.

Yeah, me. Me who (whom?) does not believe I'm really capable of deciding whether I should take the highway or city streets. Me who has spent the last 60 minutes spazzing about my ability to reach the place wherein I may be handing out punishment. Dude, I'm not worthy of trying to operate a vending machine on behalf of someone else. Please don't count me as a peer.

My hopes are that either I am dismissed early or struck by lightning before I screw someone's life up for them.

And please let it be before lunch because you would not believe the amount of spazzing I have done over the lack of information regarding the lunch situation.

P.S. I will have Gwen (my Blackberry) unless they take her away so please leave a comment, send an email, or drop me a Tweet of encouragement.

P.P.S. Assuming I escape from this experience with my life, I'll be posting my "Word of the Year: 2010" tomorrow. But, again, that's assuming I don't die or something. Or end up thrown into the clink (is it called a "clink"?) for obstruction of justice or contempt of court or for wearing jeans because I'm fat and want to be comfy and not freeze to death.

P.P.P.S. Laugh all you want but I'm seriously freaking.


mo.stoneskin said...

Hey, thinking of you, I could NEVER do jury duty. That's why I keep myself anonymous. Um, don't tell anyone who I am ok hon?!

Seriously, if there was ever a sane and perfect jury member then it would probably be you.

Missy said...

It may not seem like it, but I SWEAR the lawyers (and clients!) are JUST as nervous as the jurors on opening day. Try to keep that in mind - it might make you feel a little less nervous. :)

blognut said...

They are SO NOT going to let you keep Gwen; even if you tell them it's for your own comfort. In fact, at our courthouse, they'd make you either trek back to your car and put her away, or throw her in the garbage.

I know! Outrageous!

The Brown Recluse said...

I think it's called a hoosegow or something.
I would imagine if you go in and breathlessly and wide-eyed tell them everything you just typed here, you'll be out of there in no time!
However just for the record, I have a feeling you'd be a very good juror.

The Brown Recluse said...

And who's Gwen? What a friend or a pet...or what/who?

Eternal Lizdom said...

I'm one of those weirdos that WANTS to be called for duty and has NEVER been called! There was talk, many years ago, of going to a professional jury situation... I soooo would have been interested!

Hang in there!

Michele said...

Oh my GAWD!! I would seriously be freaking out as well. I'm a court reporter, and I know how stressful the courtroom can be.
You'll be great!

And yes, Missy is right. Everyone is nervous opening day. ((hugs)) to you! ;)

Her Majesty Lisa (LadyWanderlust) said...

LMAO! What a concerned citizen you are. You don't want out because it is an inconvenience. You are genuinely worried about screwing someone's life up! I'd be more stressed that I was missing my classes and that is not in the curriculum! Hope it went well!

Jeanie said...

Are you okay? Is it over? Tell us what happened.

Kathy said...

I'd be freaking out, too. Let us know how it went.

2cats said...

I must be weird because I felt honored to be chosen to be on a jury. I was fulfilling my obligation of living in a free society. I am weird right?
Don't freak out.