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Monday, January 11, 2010

Punch for Breakfast

Award time. Because I've got nothing else and I'm cranky. I figure since I'm cranky, better to get it out in the form of a couple "Punch in the Face" awards than to just dwell all day.

Dear Sunday Night,

I really don't know what your problem is but no matter what I do over the weekend, you have to be a punk. If I'm lucky, this just means a bit of trouble falling asleep. Or perhaps waking up several times in the night.

More likely, I'm disturbed by vivid dreams. Like the one where a project I'm working on had taken off and we raised $300k at a charity dinner and then there were demon monkeys chasing us into the plane but the plane took off and then it crashed and Tonya was totally asleep upside down between the front seats. Also, the water didn't work and my brother decided he'd rather just jump out the back than stay there with no running water.

And in the case of last night, after tossing and turning for an hour with awful heartburn, you gifted me with horrendous stomach pain. Doubled over, sick to my stomach, cold sweats, stabbing constant stomach pain. After almost two hours, I was able to crawl back to bed.

No doubt you have it coming and this award is the least of what you deserve.

Maybe Mondays wouldn't be so bad if you wouldn't suck so much,

Dear Monday Morning,

I'd like to start by thanking you for bringing reduced pain this morning. And also for not letting the boss notice that I wandered in a couple of minutes late. We both know those two minutes mean nothing to anyone but him.

However, if you could possibly be a bit warmer, I would appreciate it. Also, maybe you could greet me with coffee and a side of patience. And a sprinkle of focus? Because I have a lot to do today.

Either way, I believe you to be a likely recipient of this award.

Chance in hell you'll cooperate,

P.S. Seriously, folks. Beware the demon monkeys. That was one freaky dream.
P.P.S. Feel free to make your own nominations.


Autumn said...

awwwww :( Sunday needs a good butt kicking I think. Praying Monday will be better than you think it will,

Adoption Of Jane Ug-LBC said...

Hope your week goes well!!

Cat said...

sounds like gallbladder pain...I remember well what that was like before I had mine was awful and many times I thought I would have to feel better to die..

hope Monday sees you feeling better!


The Brown Recluse said...

uhm...Prilosec and a doctor appt. is what I prescribe. The sooner the better.

TMC said...

I'm worried about your stomach pain... it really does sound like gladbladder pain. It's not going to get better on its own. I had attacks for 10 years.

Confirming or dis-confirming is easy... it just takes an ultrasound. At any rate, that pain counts as acute so definitely do something.

Miss. Candy said...

I hope you start to feel better! And I agree warmer would be better!!!

Sabreena said...

I second the nomination of Sunday as it always has to be a blatant signal of the end of the weekend. I would also like to add Thursday.

Dear Thursday,
You get the award because no matter how many weeks go by you always trick me into thinking you're Friday only to be let down at the end of the day when I realize tomorrow IS NOT Saturday. Be who you are and quit messing with my head already.

Thank you Cate for the opportunity to vent.

YogaGal in the NW said...

Hoping Tuesday only gets a mild slap in the face. Hoping you're feeling much, much better soon.

C. Beth said...

Worthy award recipients. That stomach pain sounds awful, but I suppose it's counterproductive to give your stomach a punch in the face award. (It doesn't even make sense.)

Hope you are feeling better tonight!!

Margaret said...

I agree with Sunday nights always sucking ass!

Kathy said...

Cate, I've had the same type of night many times before. Stress dreams/horrible stomach cramps. One night I woke my hubby up because I was moaning so loud! Who knows why... Hope you have a better night tonight!!! Kathy

mo.stoneskin said...

You take Tonya on planes? And leave Rusty behind? What about the demon monkeys? I hope they wore seatbelts.