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Thursday, March 11, 2010

Bananas

Warning: This is one of those days when I'm just kinda puking up a post. I figure if you don't have high expectations, you won't be let down. Better luck next time!

SomeMonkey asked me how I was doing this morning. Because she cares about my feelings. That's why I keep her around. When I replied that I hadn't slept well and I had no idea what to post about, she suggested bananas. I guess because she's a monkey.

When I was little, I loved bananas. My mother seldom made it a priority to provide us with fresh produce and since bananas weren't available floating in a can of artificial sweeteners, I rarely had the luxury of a banana. And my favorite? A banana and peanut butter sandwich. Heaven.

But then, when I was 16, I had a (long tedious details skipped) medical situation that resulted in several days of hospitalization on what they called a "liquid test meal diet". This involved clear broths, juices, jello, popsicles, and bananas. Apparently potassium was important to my situation. I swear every time a nurse entered my room, they made me eat a banana. I was forced to eat at least six bananas a day.

Now? I can't stand bananas. I can eat about three bites before I feel physically ill. Even the smell of banana turns my stomach. It's the surest way to ruin my fruit smoothies.

Of course, guess what Joe eats for breakfast every day? Yes, a banana. Because he hates me. One of the most inconsiderate things he's ever done to me was the day he woke me up at 5am to pile into the car on the way to somewhere. As I was trying to drift back to sleep, I smelled the unmistakable stench of a banana. And when he finished eating, he handed me the peel. WTH am I supposed to do with a banana peel when he's telling me we aren't stopping for at least three hours and there's no plastic bag in his car to at least tie off the smell? I couldn't even put it down because it was all mushy gooey banana-peely. So for three hours, I had to smell AND touch a smelly banana. Pure torture. I swear the man does this kind of thing on purpose.

Yuck.

Gross.

Hate.

Please don't ruin my morning life with your stupid bananas. Go eat them somewhere downwind and out of sight.

Oh, and know who else hates bananas? Tonya. You try to give her a piece of banana and her furry booty practically beeps as she backs away in high speed. Smart cat.

If you think that's a whole lot of opinion about bananas, you should see how I feel about peaches!

14 comments:

Cindy said...

When I was pregnant with Beau, I felt that way about bananas. Needless to say, Beau loathes bananas. I can stand one once in awhile. And as for holding a mushy peel for 3 hours, I so totally would have thrown it out the window. It's compost, after all. Isn't it?

Angie said...

Ugh! I wouldn't have held it for more than 5 min let alone 3 hrs!!

I am not a litterbug - I always say you can't toss it out if the birds can't eat it! But would have definetly thought about throwing that out the window - I agree.. compost ;-)

Donnetta said...

B-A-N-A-N-A-S. I can't see the word without thinkin of Hollaback Girl by Gwen Stefani.

Betty said...

LOL! I love your opinionated, no holding back, posts! :)

Melinda said...

You held the banana peel for three hours! I would have totally tossed it out the window (they are biodegradable and the seagulls would have loved the treat!) I like bananas, but I wouldn't hold the peel for longer than it takes to toss it.

Lauren said...

I'm noticing that bananas are one of those foods that people feel strongly about one way or another. I'm personally pro-banana in its natural form, but anti-anything banana flavored or filled. I feel the same about peanut butter.

Princess Andy said...

i'm one of those "do as i say, not as i do" kind of parents...

when it comes to fruit i practically shove it down the heathens popcorn and cereal loving throats...bananas included.

personally, there are some foods that need to be eaten in combination with another in order to be palatable.

this is the case with bananas...it must be accompanied by peanut butter and freah bread.

also, peas...not an "alone" food. it must be accompanied by fried rice. or in a spring roll.

that is all.

welcome to my world.

<3 andrea

mo.stoneskin said...

I thought Tonya was backing away because of the dog I was wearing.

S~DLT said...

I feel you on the bananas, though it is because they could kill me, evn the smell could close up my windpipe. SUPER allergic to bananas!! Without getting into all the fun details they are cross-reactive with my latex allergy.

Death to the banana.

Joanne said...

O, I thought I was all alone in my banana-hating. Just the smell of one is enough to ruin a good day.... and a whiff of a discarded peel will turn my stomach.

Banana Haters, Unite!

el vigilante said...

I like bananas, but not when they get overly ripe, bruised and smushy. Then it's either time for banana bread or the garbage. My husband has a bad habit of leaving banana peels on the kitchen table instead of throwing them away like a good boy. I pick them up like they are loaded with some kind of plague and toss them away. Yucky.

TMC said...

bananas make my ears and throat itch.

C. Beth said...

That's so sad! Nanners are yummy.

Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

That corgi :) said...

but not even in banana splits?? now I have to hear the peach story

betty