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Wednesday, March 10, 2010

The Spaghetti Thief

I recently posted a cue on Seven Days Seven Answers called The Spaghetti Incident. The cue was this:
Someone has stolen your lunch (leftover spaghetti) out of the work refrigerator. They didn't even bother to leave the bowl behind. Leave a note on the fridge to the spaghetti thief.
And some of the responses were awesome.

Since this was based on a true story, I figured I'd tell the tale of over here.

Long, long ago, back in 2004 maybe, I worked with this very quiet and passive guy. We'll call him Roy (because that was his name). Roy was meek in a very creepy kind of way. The kind of way that terrifies you because some day the wrong button will be pushed and he is going to SPLODE!!!

Roy was also, as luck would have it, a total mama's boy. At 35, he was still living at home, mama paid his bills, mama cooked his meals, and mama financed the ring he bought his mama-approved fiancee. And one day, Roy brought a huge bowl of mama's spaghetti into work and placed it in the communal refrigerator. From there, it disappeared, bowl and all.

This left Roy outraged. He left a note on the refrigerator door scrawled in the kind of angry handwriting you see on one of those true crime stories. Underlines, exclamation points, and general homicidal mania.

It went something like this:
Dear SPAGHETTI THIEF!!!!

The spaghetti you took from the refrigerator was not yours, it was MINE!! And not only was that my LUNCH but it was also going to be dinner for me and my FIANCEE before PRAYER meeting tonight! Also, that was my mother's bowl, which was HER mother's bowl. I will be praying tonight that GOD convinces you of the HORRIBLE thing you have done so that you will return my mother's bowl AND my spaghetti. Because it was NOT YOURS. And now we will have no dinner!!!

Over the next few days, multiple notes were placed on the refrigerator in response.
The spaghetti was good but could've used more garlic. Thanks!
Signed,
Spaghetti Thief
God has convinced me that this spaghetti would've been great with some breadsticks!!!
Yours,
Spaghetti Thief
And finally, a note left inside the (clean) bowl, placed back inside the refrigerator.
Sorry for the delay returning the bowl. It was too much spaghetti for me so I gave the rest to my dog. I wanted to run the bowl through the dishwasher a few times to remove all of his tongue germs. By the way, my dog was very sick the next day so there was probably something wrong with that spaghetti. The way I see it, I did you a favor. You're welcome.
Signed,
Spaghetti Thief
Roy has since moved on to another employer and even now, nobody will own up to being the Spaghetti Thief. But we all get a kick out of telling the story!

P.S. No, it wasn't me.

13 comments:

Melinda said...

That is just about the funniest thing I have ever read. Poor Roy will be laughed at for eternity.

Donnetta said...

THAT is freaking hysterical! Oh to have had a camera set up to see Roy's face when he read that last note!

Accidentally Me said...

OK, so, I have a hard time sticking up for someone who wrote a note to "Spaghetti thief". Or someone who brought leftovers to work, intending then to bring the leftover leftovers back home (seriously, how big was this bowl with THREE adult meals in it?)

But seriously...the ST is a total asshole!!! Stealing someone's lunch, and a dish that was so clearly not yours, and then feeling the need to taunt the guy? That is just a total a-hole thing to do.

Ah well, I think that carrying the lifelone brand of "Spaghetti Thief" is adequate punishment.

Joanie M said...

I think it would be fun to leave another meal in the fridge... this time with lots of ex-lax mixed. Sit back and watch who goes running to the bathroom.

A. said...

That is so hilarious! Mwhahahahaaaa... Glad Roy didn't go postal over the Spaghetti Thief before he moved jobs. He seems like the type who would.

Betty said...

How did you know we would think it was you? :)
Hilarious! You can´t even make up stuff like this!

mo.stoneskin said...

The last note is awesome.

Sorry about the spaghetti though, I'd eaten my own lunch at 9am and was just so damn hungry. Besides, when I looked closely I thought I saw my name spelt out in the spaghetti.

The Spaghetti Thief.

Grand Pooba said...

Oh my god you've got to be kidding me! That's a scene straight out of Office Space!!

Tortuga said...

I totally agree with Joanie's suggestion, but yeah, that is way too funny. I've had lunches ganked from communal fridges, it's no fun, but geez!

C. Beth said...

That is really just plain AWESOME. I'm very glad you shared the story.

holly said...

I've noticed that all Roys are freaks. No exceptions.

Molly said...

This made me smile. I love the way you write, and add humor to your blogs. Keep it up. :)

2cats said...

Oh those thieves who steal from the communal fridge.
One time I put a urine sample in ours. I put it way in the back on the bottom shelf, in a brown bag, clearly marked "URINE SAMPLE".
Someone stole it!