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Monday, May 10, 2010

What Was I Thinking?

How many times do you find yourself wondering - What was I thinking? Because I spent the bulk of my weekend in a horrible crisis of faith.

Not religious faith, but faith in myself. I spent nine hours yesterday finishing the first unit for one of my classes. Nine hours? Am I in over my head? How did I ever think I should sign up for more than one class at a time? What happens when the second class starts? And my online seminar? Was I completely out of my mind to think I might be able to finish this first course in time to pass my final and submit for work reimbursement before June 30? What was I thinking?

It has taken me a ridiculously long time to finally make myself a priority. And now that I have, it feels good, but it's also terrifying. This isn't the first complete panic I've had over my classes (for those of you on Twitter, I had a pretty good meltdown last Monday afternoon). And I'm sure it won't be the last.

But I'm going to keep plugging along because after completing the first unit of my course yesterday, I'm even more confident that this is the right plan of action for me. I love the material and I feel like it's going to help me move ahead, hopefully finding a job eventually that doesn't make me want to punch people in the face. So next time I ask myself, what was I thinking, I just need to have faith in myself that I'm on the right track. And what I was thinking was that I can do this, and I should.

12 comments:

TechnoBabe said...

Sounds like it is a challenge and it is good for you. Sometimes we have to push ourselves to make things better for ourselves. I hope you get what you are hoping for. You deserve it for working for it.

C. Beth said...

With trying to juggle so many things, you might have a lot of "what was I thinking?" moments! But I hope the excitement of learning something you love will keep reminding you that it's worth it. You're doing awesome!

Rachel Cotterill said...

If you're sure you're on the right course for you, then it will all fall into place. You go get 'em! *\o/*

Caty said...

You CAN do it!!

Melinda said...

You can do this! The first steps are often the hardest, so the further you go the easier it will get.

blognut said...

I think your thinking was just fine. It's going to be challenging at times, but you are up to it.

Hang in there.

Toriz said...

Hang in there... You can do it! If you didn't think you could do it, you wouldn't have signed up. You know what you're capable of doing, and what you're not, so you wouldn't have signed up if you didn't think you could do it. And just think how great it will feel when you've finished!

mo.stoneskin said...

I guess if it doesn't work out you could become a boxer?

Sorry, couldn't resist. Faith in ourselves is always a struggle. Unless your Ali-G or something, which you're not, I don't think. So keep at it my friend.

TMC said...

you WILL DO IT! :)

el vigilante said...

At 50, I'm not concerned so much about "what was I thinking?," but more like, "where did I put that?"

The worst thing that could happen -- you fail the class and have to pay for it. (I usually take the opposing viewpoint, just to even things out.)

croleyc69 said...

Hang in there I'm praying for you !! You can do it !!

Caroline

uthostage said...

I know it seems overwhelming right now, but it gets better. And you will feel more confident as it does. You can totally do it, so hang in there!