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Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Death by Carpet

As promised yesterday, I'm going to tell you today about how carpet replacement in my house has caused multiple panic attacks and now I think I'm going to die.

It's not that I'm emotionally attached to the carpets. I also don't have fears that they are going to kill me in my sleep. But the carpets are low-quality and have passed their expiration date. Also, Tonya has not been kind. So in case we decide to sell the house or have company over, we decided to have the offending floor covering replaced.

I was fine until the lady came last Wednesday to measure. As we walked room to room, she would point out the things the installation crew would be willing to move. This consists of the large furniture items. She also pointed out specifically things like bookcases that needed to be emptied, the closet in Joe's office that kinda attacked her as she opened the door, etc.

That's when panic started to set in. After she left, I messaged Joe, hoping my husband could talk me down before I spiraled out of control with freaking out:
me: Your office is going to be a nightmare!
Joe: There's a lot of stuff in there but it'll be okay.
me: The one good thing about the office is that the desk is on wheels so they can wheel that right out with the computer and stuff still on it.
Joe: It's too wide to fit through the door.
me: Excuse me?
Joe: I assembled it in the room. It's too wide to fit through the door.
That's when the anxiety quit knocking on my door and set up camp in my brain. How are we going to get all of this done before they install? How will we finish it when Joe's going away the weekend before they come? And OMG THE DESK DOESN'T FIT THROUGH THE DOOR!!!

But we made great progress over the weekend. We managed to clear the spare room, master bedroom, and living room of everything that can be moved ahead of time. He even made great progress in the office!

When we finally quit for the day on Saturday, collapsing around some take-out and beer, we talked about how much we had accomplished:
me: There's not that much left, is there?
Joe: Nope, almost done! And it's a good thing because I don't know how much more the bonus room (think family room over the garage) can take. I have to figure out where to move the server to in there to distribute the weight.
me: Huh?
Joe: The server weighs around 150 pounds. I'm trying to equally distribute the weight rather than load up just one side of the room.
me: Is that something to be concerned about?
Joe: (senses my preparation to jump off the ledge again) No, not at all. I'm sure it's fine.
me: Then why did you just mention it?
Joe: No idea. I've thought about it now and it's fine!
So now I'm terrified of going into our bonus room because I've convinced myself that any extra weight is going to collapse the entire room into the garage which will crush our cars and start a fire and we will all die. I won't even go in there to watch tv now until the carpet is installed, which won't be until the 30th.

And that's how carpet replacement causes me anxiety and makes me think we're all going to die.

P.S. Is this how normal people think? I'm pretty sure it's not.


Micael said...

Normal or not, I totally understand. I am terrified of my mom's tv. She has hard wood floors and if you get too close to the tv table the whole thing wobbles and acts a floor. I am convinced that all it will take is one wrong step in the wrong spot and the whole mess is going to come crashing down, land on me and the dogs will eat me alive...

Logical? No. But I avoid that damned floor around the tv at all cost.

Grand Pooba said...

Death by carpet? Hahaha! You make me laugh. And I'm sorry to say that no, this is not how most people think ;o)

But I'm pretty sure you knew that already hahaha!

Micael said...

p.s. That should have been 'acts a fool' not 'acts a floor' - though with the fool floor I guess it's fitting.

Melinda said...

Sounds like something that would give me anxiety too.

Our house is on a slab but there is a pit to access the pipes below our bathroom. We call it the pit of despair. In the middle of the bathroom floor there is a hatch to get access should we have to deal with the water pipes. I am totally convinced that if I stand on the hatch it will fall through and I will get stuck in the 5 foot deep pit of despair. So when I do my make up or brush my teeth, I stand as close to the vanity as possible so my feet are not at all on the hatch. Try that crazy on for size.

Joanie M said...

You just reminded me that I need to start replacing carpet around here. Most of it is 21 years old. Stairs and hall first. That's the easy one.

I don't even want to THINK about the office with this big old desk in here!

C. Beth said...

I love the conversation about the server between you & Joe. I can just see the wheels in his head madly turning as he does everything in his power to keep his voice and face calm and soothing. :)

Intense Guy said...

Now aren't you glad you don't have a waterbed?

Kathy said...

Funny post! We once had our floor actually "cave in"! Turns out that we had termites in our storage room and didn't know--until the floor caved in! LOL Hang in there, you'll have your new carpeting soon, and life will be back to normal--and if that bonus room floor does "cave in", it's not as bad as you might imagine :)

Candace said...

omygosh! I can't even imagine what it would be like to have to move everything for new carpet....which I actually need to have installed....but we don't have a bonus room to move stuff into....and my husband makes off-hand comments like that while "thinking aloud" that cause me great panic at times. Good luck with that now that the hard part is complete! You are going to love it when it's all over.

Take care,

Kimmy said...

LMAO!!! I can completely understand what you are feeling and the stress, etc, etc.

I think I would be feeling the same way had my husband brought something up showing some concern for whatever reason and then try and soften it cause of my panic. He's actually done that and then I start playing 20 questions with him trying to ease my mind or pull something out of him that he seems to be holding back from telling me. lol

The Brown Recluse said...

That's pretty much the way I think...and I'm normal. Really, I am. I just asked my co-worker if I am normal, and she said, "Well, usually."
So there we have it. Great minds think alike.

Caty said...

I'm a one room at a time kind of person...I'm getting ready to fix my house up in sections...too much at once would overwhelm me too!! Good luck and I'm sure the "storage" room will hold up!

ohiofarmgirl said...

ya, we are kinda moving away from carpeting. We just ripped the carpet up in my daughters room and we will be sanding it down and refinishing it...we are very happy to have it gone. There is a picture on my blog of our wood floor escapade. Dianntha

holly said...

"So in case we decide to sell the house or have company over"

I'm afraid most people glazed over this sentence without appreciating it. That made my day.

Toriz said...

If it helps... I wouldn't want to go in there now either.