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Friday, July 23, 2010

The Worst Possible Thing

I did it yesterday. The worst possible thing. The thing I had avoided for almost 9 years.

Yep, I cried in front of my boss.

A few years back, I had a narrow miss when I had to leave the room abruptly but this time I was trapped and I couldn't stop myself. And I'm not talking tears in the corners of my eyes. I mean the lower lip quiver, tears streaming, sobbing and can't speak cry. The ugly cry.

This situation was similar to last time - I was angry. SO angry and trying desperately to hold it in because I knew it was best to keep my mouth shut but instead I ended up bawling like a girl. I really don't know which is worse - expressing the angry or losing control of the cry.

The leave I mentioned yesterday is still on though it's somehow turning into a situation that means working here three days a week is going to be more stressful and horrible than working here five days a week.

Numb is the best word for how I'm feeling right now. Still some angry. And a lot of frustration because even when things seem to go my way, they don't end up going my way.

13 comments:

The Brown Recluse said...

Yeah, I would have hated the crying thing, too. But you never know...it may have had an effect on him. I had a stupid jerk piece of poop for a boss at my former job. I fully understand what you're going through. Hang in there and figure out what you can do to get him fired.

Jessica said...

I am so sorry, Cate! Hugs to you, hun! I hope things start going your way soon!

Melinda said...

I am sorry that something so simple is turning into such a crazy fight. You would think they would want to have better educated employees (not that you would stick around long.)

I have had my fair share of the ugly cry. My best efforts to hold it in do not seem to work.

Princess Andy said...

as awful as we feel the ugly cry is, it does wonders to relieve pent up shit inside our heads...which in turn releases some icky anxiety and tension.

i hate your boss.

just so you're aware, i'm tracing your ip.

you and joe have a guest room, right?

tell tonya to sharpen her claws...i'm probably gonna need her help.

<3 u

andrea

Kimmy said...

OH NO!!! I've done that too! So sorry :O( *hugs*

I understand what you mean though. Just when you think you get what you were hoping for, something has to put a kink in it.

Toriz said...

*Hugs*

C. Beth said...

That would have ruined my day too. All I can hope is that the emotional expression helped him realize how his actions affect others...?

Whitney said...

*hugs*

Mim said...

oh that's awful! but you sound so frustrated and upset - any way you can emotionally step back a bit??? good luck with the part time work

Jeanie said...

I hope that the cry at least relieved some pressure for you and I hope that the schooling you are doing will help to get you out of there and into a job you like with a boss that is not such a $&*#.

holly said...

so what are your thoughts on quitting? that's my suggestion.

Anella said...

Awwwww, I hope you're okay now.

I loved the way you described it as the ugly cry because that's exactly what it is. How do I know - because I did the same thing too - only not in front of a boss, but a University secretary.

I had been working on a documentary for months & to cut a long story short, just because I didn't burn it to disc properly one lecturer turned around & said they might not be able to accept it. It was a stressssful day, because my dad was in hospital that day too, having 7ltrs of fluid out of him...

I just walked into the room where the secretary (a guy) was - and just burst out crying. I kept saying 'sorry, sorry' & explained that since I'd been in University my father had his cancer & I'd been trying to deal with it etc etc. I just spilled EVERYTHING out - & I am the sort of person that NEVER cries in front of anyone! x

studio lolo said...

eeks...been there. I wanted to take it back too, but now its done. Obviously we can't keep holding it in or we'll burst, literaly.

I hope the new schedule isn't more of a drain on you. I don't know what I'm going to do once I find a job and have a boss again. Yikes.

Stay strong...and fight back but be better than him.

((♥))