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Tuesday, August 31, 2010

A Drinking Game

A little preview of the fun to come. Fun for you, fun for me. Some now, some later. Ready?



What's this? THIS is the glass barrel I bought Joe for a special occasion about a year ago. Inside, wine corks from all the bottles we've had at home, and a few that have made their way back from evenings out.

Here's where the game comes in. In this post, you guess how long it will take us to fill up that barrel. For reference, we started around August 1st of 2009. Closest guess wins something. I haven't actually determined a prize yet.

And then, once it is full, I'm going to take guesses about how many corks are actually in the barrel. I'm not going to give you any kind of tally at this point, mostly because the barrel lives on top of the kitchen cabinets where I can't reach it. Joe had to drag it down so we could empty the wine case drawer into it again and I took a picture while I had the chance. And of course that closest guess will ALSO get a prize.

So fun for you, now (guessing the date) and later (guessing the number) and fun for me, now (drinking some wine) and later (drinking some more wine).

I'm going to post the picture in my sidebar and take guesses on the date right up until it actually happens.

P.S. I'm thinking about giving slumped (melted) wine bottles as prizes. I know not everyone's into wine but slumped glass is really pretty. Also, it can be used for many things, including a spoon rest, cheese board, decoration, etc. I've seen these done with and without labels and made from wine, liquor, and even soda bottles. (The example at right is from BPR Designs on Etsy - it's one of the best photos I found.)

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Six Word Saturday

Describe your life (or something) in a phrase using just six words. For more information, try clicking here. Feel free to explain or not explain. Add an image, a video, a song, nothing. I love seeing what everyone does each week with their entries.

Is summer over yet?  Soon?  Please?!?!?

Each week (probably on Sunday or Monday), I use random.org to select a bunch of entries to visit. That way, everyone has equal chance. In addition, please visit the person ahead of you on the list (or visit everyone if you like!). That way everyone receives at least one visit!

All that's necessary to participate is to post your own six words. You can post an explanation if you wish but it's certainly not required. If you play along in your blog, please add a link to the Mr. Linky. I appreciate a link back (shiny code below if you like!). Otherwise, you're welcome to leave your six words in this post as a comment.

Please be sure to link either to your main page or (preferably) directly to the 6WS post. Links to blogs that do not contain a 6WS entry will be removed (sorry, just the button in the sidebar doesn't count as participating).



Friday, August 27, 2010

Murdering Cats

I can't believe how strongly some of you feel about murdering cats. Everyone's so sure to clarify that they, personally, have NEVER murdered a cat.

Obviously, none of you have tried to work at home in the company of Tonya.

As previously reported on this here blog, I've been working my tushie off both on classes and on this ridiculous project for the office. The work project is so insane that the boss has actually allowed me to work from home additional days each week to decrease the number of interruptions that he insists on causing.

Instead, I have the distraction of one not-so-small fluffy cat named Tonya. As I work downstairs, I hear her throughout the day jumping on and off the dresser upstairs. It sounds a bit like the world is ending and meteors are bursting through the ceiling. Then, there's the meowing. She's in mourning (I'll let her fill you in on that next week) and cries constantly. Meowwwwwwwww. MEOwwwwwwwwwww. MEOWWWWW!!!

Because I came into the office yesterday and she wasn't able to stalk me during my waking hours, she made sure to get revenge by barfing on the (new) bedroom carpet around 4am. I don't think it's a coincidence that she chose my side of the bed.

So, yes, while on first glance "murdering cats" may seem like a harsh action, you must understand where I was coming from when the words spilled forth from my fingers. I invite any of you to spend a day at House O' Cate, Location Undisclosed with this particular cat and tell me the idea wouldn't at least cross your mind.

P.S. I never wanted this to be a cat blog.

P.P.S. Thought cornering the market on a "murdering cat" blog might be kind of cool.

P.P.P.S. No, she's not mourning the passing of Rusty. He's fine. It's just that he spends his days curled up either on the sofa or the back porch being good.

PETA.P.S Back off. No cats were harmed in the writing of this post (or any other). No cats will EVER be harmed on my watch. However, meat will be eaten. Not cat meat.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Cate Inserts Witty Title Here

Cate's busy trying to work. She seems to think that productivity is in direct proportion to number of monitors, but I think she's taken it a bit far.  She tells me she currently has 4 laptops, an external monitor, and a tv to use as a monitor on her desk.

This is where I had inserted a photo that I stole from Cate of her setup, but then she made me take it out. Suffice to say, lots of monitors. Tons, even.


No, seriously Cate, that qualifies as "excessive".
So I'm like, "they are so going to think you really died this time, I'm gonna write something for you." And then she said, "I really don't want your crap showing up on my blog, but okay."

The only thing I was lacking was a topic- I think it's the thing that keeps most of us bloggers from posting every day. So I foisted that responsibility onto her, and she immediately came back with- and this is true- "murdering cats". This could just be because of that video that has gone viral (a term I had to actually explain to my computer programming husband) of that psycho b##ch* dumping the cat in the bin, but more likely it's because Tonya is causing chaos while Cate is trying to work from home. Probably because Cate stole Tonya's television for use as a monitor. Still, Tonya can't possibly be slowing things down as much as Cate's Drama Llama boss does.

So... murdering cats. I don't know too much on the subject.

The Bloggess says you can make mittens out of kittens. Possibly she is taking a slightly different stance since her dog died several days ago (which, by the way, is the sad thing that Cate sent me with the inappropriate emoticon).

My cat died a couple of years ago, but I did not murder him. I cannot stress that enough. True, we do not know what the actual cause was. But what kind of mother would leave the murdered family pet to be discovered by the children? Not even I am that bad a parent. No, seriously.

When I was little, we kept our pet bunnies out on the porch in a hutch. The neighbor dogs came over in the middle of the night and ripped them apart. I know that's not cats, but that absolutely qualifies as murder. Especially to a four year old.

And... I'm out. That's all the pet-slaughter I can wrap even my perverse brain around.

What a disgusting topic. Blame Cate.

*I censored myself! That's just for Cate because she doesn't swear. Here, anyway.

Note from Cate: This post submitted by SomeMonkey. She's totally saving my blogging arse (since I don't do that swearing thing here) lately. And all of my other collective arses as well. Also, I think I was supposed to actually insert a witty title. But I'm just THAT busy. Except, then she wasted even MORE of my work time by making me edit. Seriously, woman.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Exhausticate

Main Entry: ex·haust·i·cate
Pronunciation: \ig-'zȯst-ə-ˌkāt\
Function: verb

1: to tire Cate extremely or completely
2: to drain Cate of strength or energy, wear out, or fatigue greatly
3: to deprive Cate wholly of useful or essential properties

Definition #3 is my personal favorite. Yes, I'm completely exhausticated. Sometimes this is worse than migraine mumbles and I do stupid brilliant things like this:
SomeMonkey (after reading something sad I sent her): oh man. that's awful
me: yeah :)
me: omg worst typo EVER
SomeMonkey: snort
me: i meant :(
After traveling to see family and attend a reunion, I came home last Monday, did laundry, packed Joe's bags and sent him off before 5am the next morning for husband work training and then spent a day and a half cramming for a final exam. I then took the actual exam, stayed up too late on Thursday waiting for Joe to arrive back home, and jumped right into another weekend and another brand new class.

At least my typo was good for something:
SomeMonkey: well, it kept me from crying, so i vote it best typo ever
me: i WIN!
That's what a good friend does - takes your foot out of your mouth for you and laughs at it. Or something.

Anyways, there's been far too much exhaustication lately, which is why posts have been sparse. I need a week-long nap.

P.S. Just so you know, exhaustication isn't actually in the dictionary but I was determined to create a correct pronunciation guide. For when, you know, the masses want to use my word. How did I manage this amazing feat, you may ask? I combined pronunciations of two words. Exhaust and fornicate. Yeah. SomeMonkey assures me that this is the good kind of exhaustication so I guess it all works out.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Six Word Saturday

Describe your life (or something) in a phrase using just six words. For more information, try clicking here. Feel free to explain or not explain. Add an image, a video, a song, nothing. I love seeing what everyone does each week with their entries.

each week busier than the previous

Freely apply that however you like...

Each week (probably on Sunday or Monday), I use random.org to select a bunch of entries to visit. That way, everyone has equal chance. In addition, please visit the person ahead of you on the list (or visit everyone if you like!). That way everyone receives at least one visit!

All that's necessary to participate is to post your own six words. You can post an explanation if you wish but it's certainly not required. If you play along in your blog, please add a link to the Mr. Linky. I appreciate a link back (shiny code below if you like!). Otherwise, you're welcome to leave your six words in this post as a comment.

Please be sure to link either to your main page or (preferably) directly to the 6WS post. Links to blogs that do not contain a 6WS entry will be removed (sorry, just the button in the sidebar doesn't count as participating).



Thursday, August 19, 2010

Gift Ideas for My Husband

Every year, I struggle with what to buy my husband as a birthday gift. His birthday isn't until January but thanks to a helpful comment on his Birthday post from 2009, I now have a headstart on ideas for next year!
I like use viagra, but this no good in my life, so viagra no good.
I often wonder what inspires a spam comment such as this, especially on older posts. And now I wonder why they think my husband needs viagra.

P.S. I'm also wondering if all the mentions of viagra in this post will inspire MORE viagra-related spam. One can hope, right?

P.P.S. Joe's out of town so I haven't talked to him and he usually reads my blog about a month after I write something but I'm going to go out on a limb and guess he would like me to clarify that he does NOT need viagra. With all the wondering going on in this post, he'd probably prefer you not wonder about that.

P.P.P.S. I'd also prefer you not be thinking at all about my husband's, err, viagra-related parts. But it's probably too late for that now. Perverts.

P.S. to INFINITY!!! ;)

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

I'm not dead

For the eleventy bajillion few zero people who were wondering about the lack of posts this week, I want to assure you that I am not dead.

We were away all last weekend and then I've spent the last 2 days freaking out about one of my final exams. I took it today and now I can move on to freaking out about how I did on it.

So there will be new posts soon. And not written by zombies.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Six Word Saturday

Describe your life (or something) in a phrase using just six words. For more information, try clicking here. Feel free to explain or not explain. Add an image, a video, a song, nothing. I love seeing what everyone does each week with their entries.

this is supposed to be fun!

Freely apply that however you like...

Each week (probably on Sunday or Monday), I use random.org to select a bunch of entries to visit. That way, everyone has equal chance. In addition, please visit the person ahead of you on the list (or visit everyone if you like!). That way everyone receives at least one visit!

All that's necessary to participate is to post your own six words. You can post an explanation if you wish but it's certainly not required. If you play along in your blog, please add a link to the Mr. Linky. I appreciate a link back (shiny code below if you like!). Otherwise, you're welcome to leave your six words in this post as a comment.

Please be sure to link either to your main page or (preferably) directly to the 6WS post. Links to blogs that do not contain a 6WS entry will be removed (sorry, just the button in the sidebar doesn't count as participating).



Friday, August 13, 2010

Packing List

Once again, I am leaving on another trip full of family, anxiety, and vomiting adventure and fun! We're attending Joe's HS reunion and visiting a bunch of family on a whirlwind four-day weekend.

Because I have so much to do, and since SomeMonkey is such a good friend (and totally not an axe-murderer), she offered to make my packing list for me. Here's what she came up with:
12 mini bottles of gin
1 mini bottle of sweaty tonic
1 gigundo bottle of xanax
whore-eyes makeup
3 pairs of shorts
3 tops
6 pairs of underwear
that skanky dress
deodorant
sandals
1 regular bra
1 spectacular bra
the outfit you want joe to actually wear
kindle
25 dollar bills for strip club
2 bags pretzel m&ms
those badass baked potato chips from trader joe's
1 bumpit
Wow, really? What kind of list is that? Does she not know me at all?

"Sweaty tonic" is what she calls the tonic Joe likes because she can't remember the correct name. It's called "Fever Tree" so close enough.

I have no idea what's up with all the skanky clothes and make-up. A bumpit? My hair must've looked worse than I thought when we met for brunch if she thinks a bumpit would be an improvement.

The pretzel M&Ms are for Joe. And I'm pretty sure the chips are for her. Which means I'm supposed to survive on gin.

Yeah, I guess she does know me well!

P.S. I'll be gone Friday through Monday. I'll have Gwen though I expect to have limited coverage. Six Word Saturday will happen tomorrow as usual.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Handling the Check

Know what I find most awkward about eating out with anyone other than my husband? Handling the check.

I'm generally happy to split the check or even pick up the entire tab because I enjoy spending Joe's money the chance to spend time with a friend. But what I refuse to do is argue over who is going to pay or how much.

"I've got it!"

"No, I've got it!"

"Nope, I said I'm paying."

"Can we at least split it?"

"No."

That has the potential for turning awkward very quickly. And that's about as far as I'll argue before I just say thank you.

In the scheme of things, I think it usually evens out. I'd say I end up paying just as often as I end up being paid for. Unless we count the husband because that's his duty pleasure, to pay for meals out. It's the price he pays for me to grace him with my company.

Anyways, you know who you are. Thank you. And next time, it's on me.

Monday, August 09, 2010

The Honeymoon is Over

Recently, Joe and I celebrated our anniversary. Twelve whole years of marriage. That makes me feel really old until I remember I was a child bride.

So how did we celebrate such a big anniversary? I spent the morning doing classwork. Then I showered and got all pretty so I could leave and go have lunch with an online friend (our first "for realz" meeting, more on that in another post). When I came home, Joe was nowhere to be found. Where had he gone? Out to pick up some awesome anniversary surprise for me? Nope. He was hunting for a replacement cat toy for Tonya since Rusty destroyed hers (more on THAT in another post as well). How romantic!

Joe was unsuccessful at finding a replacement kitty toy for Tonya but he did bring me flowers and a card. Then we went out for dinner at our favorite Mexican restaurant before settling in with a few episodes of Arrested Development. Maybe the honeymoon is over but I'd say married life is just fine.

Happy Anniversary, Joe!

Saturday, August 07, 2010

Six Word Saturday

Describe your life (or something) in a phrase using just six words. For more information, try clicking here. Feel free to explain or not explain. Add an image, a video, a song, nothing. I love seeing what everyone does each week with their entries.

happiness needs to come from within

Each week (probably on Sunday or Monday), I use random.org to select a bunch of entries to visit. That way, everyone has equal chance. In addition, please visit the person ahead of you on the list (or visit everyone if you like!). That way everyone receives at least one visit!

All that's necessary to participate is to post your own six words. You can post an explanation if you wish but it's certainly not required. If you play along in your blog, please add a link to the Mr. Linky. I appreciate a link back (shiny code below if you like!). Otherwise, you're welcome to leave your six words in this post as a comment.

Please be sure to link either to your main page or (preferably) directly to the 6WS post. Links to blogs that do not contain a 6WS entry will be removed (sorry, just the button in the sidebar doesn't count as participating).



Thursday, August 05, 2010

Bereavement

Main Entry: be·reave·ment
Pronunciation: \bi-ˈrēv-mənt, bē-\
Function: noun

1. mourning: state of sorrow over the death or departure of a loved one

Last night, I spent a lot of time dreaming about my papa. He had a history of heart issues and had his first heart attack in his early 40s. Still, it was unexpected when he had another in his early 60s. This time, it was too much. Suddenly he was gone and nobody had a chance to say goodbye. That was over fifteen years ago and there was no real reason I can think of to dream about him right now. But dream I did. In my dream, he was very sick and and we knew he didn't have long left. Everyone was coming to say goodbye.

Dreams have such power to set the tone for my day and this one left me sad and missing my papa. And then Joe told me that he'd just had a message from Auntie. Let me first explain "Auntie". She's not technically his aunt. She was his aunt - she was married to his mother's brother. But they divorced. Then his uncle passed away. However, Auntie is the mother-figure in Joe's life. She's the most loving, kind, accepting woman I've ever met and she's so good to both of us. So, the message from Auntie said that her brother passed away, very suddenly and totally unexpected. She was on the way to the airport but wanted to let us know.

All of which made me think about most company's bereavement policies. Here's ours:
When a death occurs in an employee’s immediate family, all regular full time employees may take up to three (3) days off with pay to attend the funeral or make funeral arrangements. "Immediate family" shall be defined to include spouses (including common-law spouses), children, parents, siblings, grandparents, grandchildren (regardless of whether such family members are related by blood, adoption or marriage) and guardians.
Based on that, Joe wouldn't be able to take leave (as such) for Auntie.

State of sorrow over the death or departure of a loved one. Loved one, not immediate family member. I don't think companies should get to define whose death meets the definition of "bereavement". When I rule the world, I will instead allow employees to define their own "bereavement" list. YOU list the people close enough to you that you would consider yourself "bereaved". Best friend? Nanny that your children adore? The woman who played the role of mother when your own was too cold to show you any kind of love? Oh yeah, go ahead and add some family members as well if you like. But that list goes in your file. And if those people should become ill and need your help, or if they pass away, you will be granted full privileges to do what you need to do.

If I've learned anything in my life, it's that blood relation doesn't guarantee love. It doesn't guarantee a damn thing, really. Maybe medical history. Sometimes the people who love us most are those who aren't related at all. The relationships are deliberately chosen, not forced because of something ridiculous like the results of procreation.

My thoughts are with you today, Auntie. I know you and your brothers and sisters are such a tight group and you're all hurting so badly. Bereaved by the loss of a loved one.

And my thoughts are with you too, Papa. I miss your Donald Duck voice and your silly songs. And turtle-shaped pancakes. And most definitely your hugs.

Monday, August 02, 2010

Monday Morning Smile

This may make me a bad person. Or not. But when it comes to Monday mornings, I'll take my happy where I can get it, thankyouverymuch.

Six months or so ago, the people next door moved out and rented their house to... a family? A bunch of friends? I don't know, we can't really figure it out. We do know that the one child is handicapped so they installed a ramp up to the front door. Also, they drive one of those huge child molester vans with the chair lift. This is only really relevant because they a) have 50 cars (or maybe 5) and b) like to park their big van in the street, kinda under our pear tree.

I can't even begin to tell you how many times I've come home to find limbs from our pear tree torn off and in the middle of the road. Or busted partially off and hanging from the tree. Corresponding scratches on the neighbor's van? Oh, you know there are.

This morning, I backed out of my driveway, carefully looking both left and right behind me so I don't back over any runners, small children, or rogue dogs. And as I looked left, I saw their mailbox, clearly backed into, twisted and smashed and barely hanging on to the post where it normally lives. All of which is even more attention-grabbing when I tell you that for some reason they painted the mailbox post a most brilliant lime yellow-green awhile back.

Clearly someone over there needs to learn how to drive that thing.