STARTING 4/8/17: Six Word Saturday is now being hosted by the lovely Debbie at Travel With Intent. If you aren't already following Debbie, please visit her blog for Six Word Saturday and her beautiful photos. I'll continue to participate from time to time but please go to Debbie's for the official posts.
If you aren't receiving email replies to your comments, please see this post.
Friday, April 08, 2011
Sometimes I talk too much. I share too much. I'm the kind of person who holds things in for far too long and then it all comes whooshing out - including all related issues or non-related issues. Sometimes it's because I just can't hold it in anymore. Sometimes it's because I feel like the right thing to do is to share myself.
Often, the more you don't talk, the more I do talk. "We each fill the silence with our own insecurities." (That's from a short-lived but brilliant show called Keen Eddie.) I certainly fill the silence with mine.
I keep talking, hoping something will trigger a response. Some reassurance. Questions. Even an objection.
When it's over, instead of feeling good for opening up and making myself vulnerable, I worry that you now see me as a burden. Weak. Worse yet, crazy.
And that's why I stay so locked up inside my own head. Because every time I start to feel a bit of self-confidence and I want to own who I am, I regret it later. Rather than feeling empowered, I feel ashamed and wish I could take it all back.
I don't know how to change the way I feel about that. I don't know if it's ME that needs to change how I feel about that. But the one thing I do know is that I'm doing the right things now for me, and I'm going to keep doing them.
P.S. Alanis Morissette might consider this post ironic - free flow babble about how I talk too much. I've been told though that most of the things she calls ironic aren't actually ironic. Also? I don't think Alanis Morissette cares about this post.