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Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Driving in Texas

When Joe visited his cousins twenty years ago, he wasn't old enough to drive. On this trip, we rented a little car, mostly so we could make the drive to Austin and back. Since we weren't familiar with the area, Joe packed our GPS.

Here's how a GPS works - you put in an address, it tells you how to get there. It's up to the driver of the vehicle to actually do what it says. If the driver fails to do so (what, turn HERE??!!?), you don't get where you're going and the GPS gets all snitty because of all the "recalculating." Also, I'm pretty sure that "recalculating" is GPS-speak for "you are such a freaking moron, you should pay better attention!"

So Joe spent a lot of time making the GPS angry. Eventually, I think it was just giving us crazy directions to see if he would actually listen. Things like - get on the highway. Get off the highway. Okay, get back on the highway. And then I think it laughed at us.

The ultimate maneuver from the GPS came on the drive back to Houston to catch our flight. The GPS told us to exit at the next ramp. Joe listened, for once, and in the process ran over a huge dead dog with the rental car.
me: Holy crap, what was that?
Joe: A dog. It was already dead.
me: You didn't see it?
Joe: I was just following directions!!!
me: I didn't hear the GPS tell you to run over a dog.
Joe: The GPS said to exit there!
Fortunately, there was no damage to us or the rental car (or the already-dead dog, though JoeJohnston still felt bad for hitting it). And Joe will probably never listen to the GPS ever again.


Princess Andy said...

i squeal every time i'm going to maybe hit an animal on the road...poor little prairie dogs skittering all about.

last year i killed a baby crane when it came out of the tall grass and bumped into my moving tire.

i cried.

also, my kid will never let me live this down...she's all "it was probably endangered" and i'm all "piss off".

i'm not sure if i could use a's all about "being in control" with me. i might end up punching it in the throat and then lose control of my car and careen off a cliff or something;)


Tami said...

Rolling on the floor! I have had similar incidents with the GPS and I frequently piss it off. Love the idea that it was giving you false directions just to see if you would follow.

In spite of feeling bad about their being a dead dog on the road, hitting it because he was "just following instructions" is hilarious.

Toni said...

I knew about GPS before but have never experienced it.

My Dad has a GPS. A TomTom. It talks like Yoda. I fell in love! I want! Badly!

Kaylen said...

I don't have a GPS - those are for the directionally challenged right?? My son and I both have smart phones now and we use the navigation system on our phone if we're really lost, but for the most part, I just look things up before hand and figure out how to get to where I'm going.

I can't remember hitting any animals-dead or alive. My son ran over not one-but TWO-cats who ran out in a row (there were 4 total) and he hit one with each tire. He was traumatized. We still can't discuss it.

Whitney said...

I hate our GPS. Every time we go somewhere, it gets us lost. I'm much happier with a map; I can even fold it.
Also, our GPS comes with a feature that allows you to record your own voice for each direction. Seriously... HIL-AR-IOUS! You can even insert foul language... *ahem* not that we did that...

Kimmy said...

LMBO!!! That is hilarious! Poor dog though :o( Yeah, even though it was dead (again, sad face) :o(

I don't use a GPS. Good ol' Google maps works just handy for me. PLUS, once we did use one cause we were with my in-laws and the thing gave us directions (fortunately we didn't use) that would have taken us on a mysterious road that didn't even exist.

C. Beth said...

I totally agree that the GPS gets an attitude when it's recalculating. Especially REPEATEDLY recalculating. It's like it doesn't consider the possibility that maybe I know something it doesn' a shortcut, or a new road, or a kid who has to pee.

Toriz said...

I don't trust those things. My Mam has one and it got us lost (and she did everything it said). Plus, it gets confused in new areas and wanted her to drive through the childrens' play park to get to my house, which is something I don't think people would be happy about (especially with the kids playing in there at the time).

vivinfrance said...

I really shouldn't laugh, but this was so funny! We don't have a GPS. but borrowed one last year to go to my niece's wedding in Wales. On a dummy run the week before, it tried to make us go all round the ring-road before turning into town to a restaurant 40 yards from where we started! It did get us to the wedding, though, once I realised you had to nanny it by only programming it one stage at a time! I have no ambition to buy one, though. I can read a map.