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Wednesday, June 01, 2011

Getting There

Saturday, I was feeling better. More optimistic. More energized. I had turned a corner and was ready to take on the world again. I wrote a post stating such and scheduled it to post Monday morning.

Then Sunday night happened. I haven't written much (at all?) about our recent trip home. It was a good trip, overall, but the primary reason for it was to try to help my father-in-law. You see, he's old. He's not doing so well. In addition to physical issues (most concerning are heart problems and circulation/infection issues with his feet), he is bi-polar. This manifests in extreme ups and downs, plus a strong side of OCD.

Anyways, we came home from the trip feeling positive about some progress we had made in finding him a few solutions that would help him stay well enough to remain mostly independent. Sunday night, he called Joe and told him that he's undone everything we did for him. He told off the volunteers arranged by the County. He accused us of screwing up his medications. And so much more...

That set me back. Something I had felt really good about and suddenly I was slapped in the face. Yet another reminder, much like the event that set me off the week before, that despite my greatest efforts I had really accomplished nothing. The impact of my actions was fleeting at best, completely in vain at worst.

I realize this isn't true. I know I can only control myself and that I need to do what I can live with. I know the FIL situation is about supporting my husband and not about me. And I know I'm not a failure. The fact that I can see this and start to recover from it much more quickly than the events of last week means I'm making progress.

All of this is my long way of saying what I originally planned to say in Monday's post: Thank you. To everyone who has left a comment, sent an email, tweeted encouragement. For every shoulder, ear, and hug. Thank you all.

I'm getting there. I'm just not there yet.

11 comments:

C. Beth said...

You don't have to get there in any particular time frame. We're here for you whatever's going on...as you'd be for us!

Karen S. said...

All you can do is feel good for your share/and caring of help...some people take longer to realise that perhaps someone has a better solution for them. Hopefully all goes well for him....you are so right that we can really only help ourselves for sure....and we're all here in the Blogger world together...through thick and thin...the good times and the bad....that's what's so cool about blogging and mixing with other bloggers...someone, somewhere is blogging at the moment, and we are usually all here to brighten, laugh, maybe sometimes cry our blogging! Take care of you, Cate!!!!

Melinda (Sew-Lin) said...

Again I'm sorry to hear...well everything involving your FIL. It is good that you can say you did what you could do, and now it is up to him because no one can fix something like this alone. You did everything you could, feel good about that! Take whatever time you need to chill and we are all here for you along the way. <3

I Am Not Superwoman said...

Sorry that you feel so "spent". That must be so frustrating but you do just need to keep in mind you can only do so much, be so much to those around you. You tried at least. One day your FIL will realize that you had his best interest and the best intentions. BTW, I awarded you The Versatile Blogger Award hopefully that will brighten your week, a little bit. Check out my Thank you, Gracias, Merci, Danke post.

Toni said...

I'm sorry to hear your effort was met with such negativity! What matters is that You did the best you could and you tried! You can't be responsible for what other people do. I know that's hard and it's frustrating. I often feel like it would be so much easier if we could just make people do things that are best for them. I hope things turn out better.

Lauren Michelle said...

I can't imagine how hard that is to shoulder. I'm glad to see that you're handling it well, though. Keep us updated. Hopefully things will get better, even if they seem to be dragging right now. It looks like you've turned your perspective around, which could really help in the way you deal with the situation internally. The best skill to have is being able to control your emotions. A lot of people just decide not to and leaves everyone in a bad place because of it. I say that because someone in my family is like that and he always makes it hard on everyone without little thought to the way it makes everyone feel, so I'm really glad to read this post and the way you're feeling about your current situation. It's really inspiring, and I wish the person in my family would do this, too.

Toriz said...

You don't have to get there in a hurry; just get there in your own time. In the meantime, just remember that you tried your best (not your fault if people throw it back in your face) and also that your friends are here for you every step of the way!

*Hugs*

Kaylen said...

Aw, life is so hard!!!
You can't make others change - you can only do what you can do, and it sounds like you are DOING exactly what you need to. You set him up for help, you made a big effort-you can't babysit him, right??
Stay strong. Be there with kindness. And just hold your sanity.

Best wishes to the family!!!

Eternal Lizdom said...

It's frustrating to try and care for someone who can't care for themselves. It's maddening to try and help someone who is dealing with mental illness. I'm sorry you're going through this...

Kathy said...

Sending ((hugs)) your way...Keep on "keeping on", you'll get there. Have a nice weekend :)

TICKLEBEAR said...

i've dealt with my parents since 2006, but my mom died 13 months later, leaving me with him, cardiac, diabetic and demented. i got my share of accusations and threats, but i did what i could. i eventually managed to get him out of the house and supervised somewhere safe. sometimes, you have to realize some things are beyond your control and you must trust others to deal with it. i've now distanced myself from the situation since january while still tending to certain matters, and my health, physically and mentally, has already somewhat improved. one must be charitable, but charity starts with oneself. don't let this drag you down. i know it did for the last 5 years in my case and i have to pick the pieces of my life, while my father still breathes, so involved in his own world.

good luck!!
HUGZ