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Thursday, November 17, 2011

I'm Aware

I think this morning I need to be thankful for self-awareness.

I'm in a really foul mood, to be honest. Why? Because 24 hours ago, we were pretty sure that if my husband got the job offer he was expecting, he would accept and we'd be moving to a new location. Scary, yes. But I was excited for him to have the new opportunity and excited for me to feel like we could be out of limbo.

He got the offer yesterday and now we're more uncertain of the future than before. How is that possible? The offer isn't very good. I'm not sure if Joe talked up the position because he's so frustrated where he is now or if I heard what I wanted/needed because of wishful thinking, but the offer and position don't seem to be at all worth relocating for. He's going to try to negotiate a better deal. I honestly don't even know if it's worth it because of the job itself.

We had a lot of discussions last night. My feelings were really hurt over something he said. The most positive thing to come out of that was that I didn't fall apart. Instead, I addressed it very directly - why it was hurtful and why I didn't appreciate it. I understand why he said it but it wasn't cool.

Back to self-awareness. I'm very aware that tensions are high, that my husband hates his current job, and that he reacts certain ways to that kind of stress. I'm aware that I'm also very on edge with the situation and trying hard to convince myself that it's all good. I'm aware that the position might not be dreamy and might not be the one.

Mostly, I'm aware that I'm not in a very good place mentally this morning and so I'm going to give myself a day off from people as much as possible. I don't intend to wallow - I believe wallowing is for people who are unable or unwilling to make an effort to turn things around. I am neither of those things. But until I get a grip on my attitude, I'm not going to assault anyone else with it.

7 comments:

Tami said...

I have been in your position more times than I really want to count. We've moved at least eleven times - always looking for the "dream" job. So far it hasn't materialized - so I really do get the fear, the uncertainty, and certainly how things can be said - even with the best intentions - and hurt feelings result. Very stressful! Hope it helps to know the blogosphere is rooting for you. Don't know if you're a praying person, but I am, so prayers are going up for you and Joe and this decision.

Have a good day!

C. Beth said...

I think it sounds like you're doing a good job handling your emotions instead of letting them handle you. I hope you can do something today that nurtures YOU.

Karen S. said...

Sometimes what you are about to do is SO important for you and your sanity. I send good thoughts your way, always.... I know I have a few issues going on in my life right now that well frankly make everything in and around me seem just as horrible. It's good to focus and know that it's just me, mostly...not so rosey glasses at the moment... and until I can adjust my attitude for the better I should lay low.....but I still know these are the moments you need some reassurance,(I can't just bury my head in the doom of it all!!!) and that is always when one of my beloved animals come to the rescue! Yes they love us no matter what.... :)

hugs

That corgi :) said...

Oh gosh, Cate, I feel for you. I feel for Joe too because hubby hated his job before he quit it to move down here.

One thing I did learn from the pastor's sermon about choices/decisions is to not make them in haste, or with fear or with ignorance so definitely do a lot of soul searching, laying things out like you are doing, to see if it is a good offer or not.

These days when it is few and far between with offers, things can look brighter on the other side of the fence so to speak, but to leave the comforts of what you know to relocate and have to start over and not to get what you consider is a good offer doesn't seem like a win-win situation to me. (covering the whole move with packing up the house always was a plus for me on job offers).

Sorry your feelings got hurt, but I do think you handled it the best way to put it on the table so to speak and let him know how you felt about what was said.

Stressful times indeed!

betty

John said...

Huge, huge hugs.

I'm someone who hated his job, got another job, and hates it more now. It was more money, but I really don't know if it was anywhere near worth the stress.

I'm sorry it's causing issues between the two of you - but I hope things work out better.

Toriz said...

It sounds to me like you were doing really well with dealing with a bad situation. *Hugs*

Melinda (Sew-Lin) said...

I'm sorry that it didn't work out for that job and that Joe let the stress get to him so much that he hurt your feelings. I really think there is something amazing around the corner. Sending hugs to you both!