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Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Lost in Transition

You may or may not have noticed that I didn't blog last week. No matter if you noticed or not - I noticed. Then, my 6WS entry was "it's not quitting if it's over." I was sure to add a note that my words did not pertain to Joe and/or our marriage. So, what's up?

I'm in a period of transition and I'm struggling a bit to cope with it. And by "a bit" I mean "a whole lot." All in a period of a week, I am:
  • starting the process of (likely) saying goodbye to a project that has been a huge presence in my life for the last two years
  • taking steps to start an Etsy shop
  • beginning another online writing class
  • taking a second writing class via video
  • reconsidering my approach to freelancing
  • actively working on my book again
  • planning to refocus our consulting business on a different audience of clients
  • drastically changing up my daily routine

Joe sometimes refers to me as Rut Girl because change brings about massive anxiety. This time is no exception. I'm doubting decisions, questioning plans, and occasionally cowering in the corner feeling terrified. But I believe I'm getting better because there are also moments when I feel very excited and empowered and I can't wait to tear into the next thing on my list.

The best part is looking at that list and feeling grateful that I have the freedom to choose each of those activities. They involve some sadness and a lot of hard work. They also involve pushing myself outside of my comfort zone. However, there's a time when I would've been so paralyzed by the very idea of it all that I wouldn't be able to function. I realize that it's a luxury to decide which of these activities I want to spend my time on. I also realize that I only have that luxury because my husband is made of awesome (which is another good reason not to "quit" him via 6WS).

That's where I'm at right now. As a not-so-tiny aside, I'm also approaching a time of year when I historically struggle with depression. There are plenty of projects to keep me distracted so between the items above, my amazing husband and a herd of ridiculously wonderful friends, perhaps my March can be one of less Madness and more Magic.


Tami said...

I don't handle change well either, so I completely get what you're feeling. I hope you are able to say goodbye to the old without pain, and that the new opportunities will come easy and be exciting. In the mean time - lean on those friends and know that you are supported.

Melinda (Sew-Lin) said...

Making needed changes can be so hard sometimes, and even harder is knowing when change is needed. I hope that you are able to do what you must without feeling too much regret for what might have been and much more excitement for what will be. You know I am here for you no matter what changes are ahead. <3

Annelie said...

Transition can be rough, but often I find them not as hard as anticipation & anxiety will make them seem beforehand. And I love that feeling after pushing yourself out of your comfort zone!

Btw, I really loved your "it's not quitting if it's over" 6WS. It's difficult when something that has been a large part of your life, no longer will be. But while some things are ending, it sounds like you have a lot of new, exciting prospects on your horizon. Best of luck with all your new ventures!

I really hope you can keep the Madness at bay in March, & I'm here for you whatever comes your way.

Fi said...

You go girl - head down, bum up and you can achieve anything you put your mind to. Sounds wonderfully exciting despite it being super scary.

I look forward to following you on your 'journey' and yay Joe for enabling you to be able to do this.

Magic March - I like that!

Andrea said...

My Goodness, it wore me out just reading your list. I hope you have a "do nothing" category ... a time to catch your breath. Change is always hard especially when you change everything at the same time. I somehow think that you will pull it off though. It sounds like you're already on your way ... Good Luck!
Andrea@ From The Sol

Fi said...

Cate - this article may be helpful, or may not. It was in a newsletter I received this morning at work which I subscribe to and as I'd just read your post I thought of you.

C. Beth said...

This is good, good stuff, Cate. <3 <3 <3

Mim said...

Change is so scary and winter depression hits us all about now - glad you are getting out of your Rut...girl!!

restlessjo said...

Wishing you lots of magic.

Toriz said...

Go Cate! :)

And, by the way, I noticed you didn't post last week, if it helps any.

John said...

Crossing my fingers for a magical and madness-free March for you.

This is the time of year that I, typically, kick the seasonal funk . . . so I'm kind-of wondering when that will start, because the funk is kicking my ass right now.

mo.stoneskin said...

If you're Rut Girl I'm Rut Boy. Change is my worst enemy, depression is another.

I can't say I didn't notice that you didn't blog last week as I haven't stopped by in YEARS and where the hell is our old friend Blognut?!

I hope your March is Magic.

Bijee said...

Wow, that is a lot going on! I too struggle with having too much going on, almost all too often, and unfortuantly i can relate to the depression as well - seasonal depression is the devil.

While going through changes can be rough, I try to remind myself of the joy i have felt in previous times of feeling the same way, and in the end it working out, cause somehow it always works out (whether my way or another).

So here is to March Magic (we will just claim it i advance!)
Best wishes...

TMC said...

I think of change all the time but it usually takes me a while to leap. Cheers to your upcoming changes, with wishes that you'll see them as opportunities and not losses. You've done good work, now, on to other things!

Rosemary Nissen-Wade said...

Best wishes with it all!

Jazzbumpa said...

All growth takes place outside the comfort zone, and I sense a lot of growth expressed in this post.

I think you have courage, both in facing (maybe even embracing) these challenges, and sharing your anxiety with an audience of strangers, like me.

It's a relief to know the family life is solid. That is the core of everything.

Stay strong.


amanda @ Rambling of an Empty Mind said...

Sounds like quite the week. I feel for you as far as the anxiety...I get it too. Hoping everything turns out well and just the way you hope. :)